Between Constellations and Dreams
by xoxcrescentmoonxox
Summary: Lily’s life is a series of ups and downs, of laughter and tears - but always, she pushes on. So does everyone else. Features James, Severus, Petunia, Sirius, Peter, Remus, Caradoc, Dorcas, Marlene, McGonagall, Dumbledore. 100 snapshots. Now complete!
1. lily & james

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Written for sick-atxxhearts's 100 Quotes of Life Challenge on HPFC, which is linked in my profile. I claimed the character Lily, and there will be 100 chapters, each using one of said quotes, from many times in her life and with many characters. Each chapter will be given at least a general date, so you have an idea of what's happening in the wizarding world. Enjoy, and don't forget to R & R!

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_I can't do this on my own:_

_May 1980_

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"James . . ." Lily pauses in the doorway to their room, biting her lip as she watches him don the Muggle clothes he always wears on guard duty. "James, be careful tonight, okay?"

"Lily. I'm always careful."

"Careful like a bull in a china shop," she mutters reproachfully. "It's just—the Order keeps diminishing. Marlene, Fabion and Gideon, the Bones' . . ." Unknowingly, Lily's hand drifts to her swelling belly as she continues. "Someone has to be next, James."

He finishes buttoning his shirt and walks over to her, drawing her into a loose embrace. "If I'm to be a bull, I'll be the large horned kind that spears anyone who gets close enough to hurt him. Don't worry about me."

"It's not only you I worry for," Lily confesses, taking one of James's hands in her's and drawing it to her stomach. "Because . . . I can't do this on my own."

He leans down and kisses her. "Which it why," he murmurs, "You'll never have to."

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	2. lily & slughorn

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A fast update, to sort of get the ball rolling. Hope you guys enjoy, so alert, favorite, and review! :D

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_I'm so proud of you:_

_May 1974_

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Lily stirred the vial of crushed rose thorns into her cauldron, the final ingredient to the Infatuation Potion that the third years were brewing today, a review for their end of the year exam. After three times counterclockwise, the mixture turned from bright yellow to an orange-y red.

"Ha!" she said, turning to Severus beside her. "Beat you!"

He glanced over at her from where he was scribbling notes in the margin of his Potions book while holding his wand that was doing a spell to crush the thorns at the same time.

"Big deal, Lily," he bragged. "If we made it again, I could do it in half the time it's taking this time, and make it just as well."

She stuck her tongue out at him, and raised her hand. "Professor Slughorn, is this good?" she asked the teacher, shooting Severus a superior look when he nodded.

"Just perfect, Lily," he replied in a booming voice. "Fifteen points to Gryffindor for that masterful job—see, class, how it has that perfect shade of dark orange?"

Lily blushed, and she and Severus grinned at each other when the professor turned around and waddled back to his desk. "Masterful job," Severus mouthed to her, puffing out his chest before turning back to his rose thorns.

"Yes, that was a simply _beautiful_ potion," came Black's familiar drawl from behind her.

"Ah, indeed, Lily, I'm _so _proud of you and your _prodigal _talent for making love potions, you are an _inspiration _to the rest of us." This was added on by Potter.

Lily turned around to glare at them; both Sirius and James were utterly straight faced, although Remus's mouth was quivering, and Peter was turning bright red. "Jealous, are you?" she hissed, instantly berating herself for even acknowledging their taunting.

James smiled. "Yes, Lily, it would make my life complete if only I could earn points for my house as you do so _masterfully_." At this, neither of the four could contain their laughter, and all were chuckling behind their hands when Lily turned around, tossing her hair in what she hoped looked rather defiant as she did so.

By this point, Severus was just showing Slughorn his own completed potion. "Ah, Mister Snape," Slughorn cried jovially, "I am _so_ proud of you!"

Even Lily couldn't keep from snickering.


	3. lily & james ii

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_I knew it would never work out anyway:_

_Winter 1977_

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"Enough, James!" Lily paces a few steps away, then turns to face him. "Honestly, I don't even know why I tried this relationship thing. I guess maybe I thought you'd be different, and we'd magically fall in love and live happily ever, but I was wrong, okay?"

He glares at her. "What, so now everything's _my_ fault?"

"Well – yes!" She stomps her foot angrily in the snow, slipping a little. He tactfully hides a smirk behind his glove. "This date was _your _bloody idea, and it's _you _who was teasing me all evening, and . . . Godric, James, why did I even agree to this?"

"You're right, Lily," he says, shrugging. "I just wanted to try it, I knew it would never work out anyway, not right now."

"Then— then—oh!" Lily sputters, unable to get a full sentence out. "You—James, you—you—what did you _want_ then?"

"I told you," he says. "To try it."

Merlin, she doesn't understand him. Taunting her, asking her out, taunting her, acting sweet, fooling her, asking her out, taunting her. "Will you ever stop?" she asks. A lone tear slides down her cheek.

"Aw, Lily." He immediately crosses to her, and she gazes up at him, looking right into his eyes.

"James?" she asks.

And then she kisses him.


	4. lily & severus

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_Please—please don't cry. I can't stand it when you cry:_

_May 1975_

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"How could you, Severus?" Lily asks. They're standing outside the Great Hall, where he cornered her after the end of term feast. "You called me a-a Mudblood. I can't just pretend it didn't happen!"

"I didn't mean it, Lily! But everyone was watching, and you _always_ defend me, and it just slipped out."

"So you'd thought it before?" She sets her jaw, determined not to just tell him it's alright. Not without making him suffer first, because he has no idea how much _she's _suffered, these last nights.

"What? _No_!" He looks aghast, and shakes his head from side to side violently. "Lily, please!" Now he reaches out to touch her, but she jerks away. When they were friends, any sort of physical contact was rare, and now that they're not, she won't change that.

_Not friends. Not friends with Sev._ That's almost unthinkable. Hot tears begin to prickle behind her eyelids, and she moves to brush past him.

"Wait! Don't just leave, Lily. I'm not done yet. Don't you understand?"

She turns to face him, eyes just beginning to spill over.

"Aw, Lily, please—please don't cry. I can't stand it when you cry." Severus stretches out a hand to her, then drops it back to his side.

"You really—" he pauses, and for an instant she's certain he's going to start wailing. "You really don't want to work this out?"

She brushes her hair back from her face. "No, Sev." That's the last time she'll let herself call him that. "I really don't. Not let. Just let me alone, please?"

"I—"

"Severus."

He turns and runs away from her, away from the Great Hall, and towards the dark shadows of his common rooms. He doesn't let himself look back.


	5. lily & petunia

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_I've been through things you could only dream of:_

_June 1972_

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"Tuney, I brought you lunch up," Lily says, poking her head in the door of her sister's bedroom. Petunia is lying across the bed reading _Jane Eyre _for the umpteenth time, continuing the third day of her self-imposed summer isolation.

"I wish you'd talk to me," adds Lily hopefully. "Hogwarts isn't as bad as all that, honestly. Not as good as Maryvale Prep, though," she amends hastily, remembering the letter her sister had sent Professor Dumbledore.

Petunia sighs and turns a page, crossing her ankles as Lily frowns and sets the tray down harder than necessary.

"Fine," she huffs, stamping her foot petulantly. "If you won't talk to me, you obviously won't care if I do this!" Lily picks up her sister's only real porcelain doll, an antique that was given her by their great aunt, and, in one quick move, dangles it out the window.

"Hey!" Petunia shouts. "Give that here!"

Lily shakes it a little. "Make me."

Petunia jumps off the bed and shoves her sister away from the window, snatching the doll back and pointing to the door. "Out. Leave me _alone_."

"No!" cries Lily, glaring at her sister and remaining resolutely in place.

"You dare to come . . . marching back in here after a whole year, and charm Mum and Dad with your silly witch stories! Well, I don't care!"

"Of course you don't!" Lily shouts. "I've been through things you could only dream of this past year."

Petunia's face falls, then tightens in an instant. "Well, I'm content with my lot," she screeches back. "I was daft for ever wanting to go to that place . . . to learn how to be a freak . . . like you."

Lily stumbles to the door, tears blinding her. "Better a _freak_," she yells as she slams it shut, "Then a mean, sister-hating _monster_!"

But when she thinks about it later—she isn't sure which is preferable.

No matter which, she and Petunia can't get along.


	6. lily & james iii

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_I will never forget:_

_1980_

"This kitchen's a horrible mess!" Lily informed James, who was sitting in the next room. He glanced up, unperturbed.

"Was that a threat, hint, or offhand comment?"

"Yes, yes, not really," she flashed back to him. "You with your dirty plates that you just leave all over my clean sideboard!"

"We always had house elves!" he protested. "And, anyway, what are sideboards for?"

He had her there. So she set down the cup she was rinsing and threw her arms, dirty dishwater and all, around his neck, kissing him fiercely.

"Mm. This is nice," he murmured into her lips. "What's it for?"

"To give you incentive," Lily replied against his mouth, "To bring your dishes all the way to the sink!"

He pulled back, resting his forehead against her own, and looked deep into her eyes, as if to say something of great importance.

"I," he began, "Solemnly swear that I will never forget, and will always return any article of silverware in the state I found it."

"Oh, you!" Laughing, Lily whacked him with her dishcloth. "Don't make promises you can't keep!"

"Would I ever?"

His brown eyes caught her own; in turn, her breath caught.

"Only concerning housekeeping and dirty dishes."

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**This one's really short and really dialogue dependant - hope you guys enjoyed! I'd love to hear your thoughts! And if you have any requests for characters, pairings, or scenarios dealing with Lily, I'll definitely try to work them into one of the ninety four quotes I have left, so feel free to mention that in a review/PM :D**


	7. lily & severus ii

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_I swear, I never want to see your face again:_

_May 1976_

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_Mudblood. Mudblood, Mudblood, Mudblood. No good, filthyrottenstupid Mudblood._ The insult pounds through Lily's head as she storms away from the lake, blinking away tears furiously.

"Wait!" Severus stumbles up the hill after her, robes still in disarray as he pleads with her. "I didn't mean it, honest, Lily, I'm your best friend!"

"_Were_ my best friend," Lily corrects icily, shoving past him towards the castle. He yanks the hem of his robe out of the waistband of his underwear, flushing red, and plants himself in front of her.

"Please, don't just _leave_! You know I think you're as good as any Mulciber or Carrow or Lestrange."

"Don't _ever_ compare me to the likes of them. They think I'm a Mudblood too!"

He grimaces. "Lily . . . you are one."

Sev looks as aghast as Lily is, and starts spitting nonsense about Muggle-born and synonyms.

"I _swear_," Lily shouts, "I never want to see your face again!—_Severus_."

His full name stings as much as the words, and Lily runs back to the castle, ignoring the stares of other students.

_Why do they bother staring anyway?_ she thinks bitterly. _After all, I'm only a Mudblood._


	8. lily & the marauders

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_Look—look! It's a girl/boy—look:_

_August 1, 1980_

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"Make sure they're quiet, James!" Lily calls in a whisper after her husband as he leaves the room. Yesterday, she gave birth to baby Harry; today, Sirius, Remus, and Peter have come to congratulate the father and meet their son.

A moment later the four of them re-enter. James is in the lead, head bouncing back and forth between watching his wife and son on the bed and his friend's expressions behind him. Peter and Remus come in right behind him: Remus doesn't seem to know whether to smile or try to avoid looking at Lily in her nightgown, so compromises by grinning at everything except the bed, while Peter fidgets and looks a little uncomfortable. Sirius is the last to enter, but he crosses in front of the other two to stand beside James, and his face lights up.

"Look—look! It's a boy—look! A little, perfect, junior Marauder!" He grins at his friends, then, at their dumbfounded expressions, turns a ruddy red color and blushes. "He's my godson, you know? Isn't it good for me to be excited?"

James's mouth turns up at the corners. "No one's stopping you, Padfoot."

"And if we laugh a little," Peter adds with a smile, "Remember: it's _with_ you, not _at_ you."

"Of course." Remus winks, then lets out an exaggerated chuckle. "Like that—that was with you, and you shouldn't be offended."

"Unless . . ." Peter raises his eyebrows at Sirius, but James, laughing, holds up his hands.

"Okay, guys. Ssh, Harry's sleeping. Padfoot, do you want to hold him?"

Lily watches, amused, as Sirius makes his way gingerly to the bed.

"Like this," she tells him, laying the baby in his arms and arranging Sirius's fingers to support Harry's head.

"Oh . . ." His face softens for a minute, and then he turns to James, a bright smile lighting up his face. Lily raises her eyebrows, wondering what absurd thing is about to come out of his mouth.

"Let's call him Prongs Junior. Or, Little Prongs. Maybe even Little Padfoot!" Sirius raises Harry to near his face level, as if to show the others in the room any resemblance.

Remus grins. "That's not how it works, Sirius. The name has to be what he's like."

Sirius squints at the baby, who remains steadfastly asleep in his lap. "Dead boring?" he suggests. Lily glares at him, and he starts to throw his hands up in submission, remembering Harry in just enough time to settle for a shrug of his shoulders. "Only kidding," he tells her pacifyingly. "Not dead boring, then."

"Try going with more of the physical side," Peter suggests helpfully. "Prongs has . . . well, prong-y antlers, and your feet pad along the ground. What does he look like?"

Sirius frowns at the red, wrinkly creature on his lap. "Burnt house elf?" he asks, much to Peter, Remus, and even James's delight. The latter tries to his a smile as he hastily removes Harry from Sirius's arms and deposits him back with Lily.

"How about just Harry?" she asks, slightly waspishly even as she cuddles her son closer. When he looks at the content little bundle, Sirius can't help but smile.

"Well . . ." He reaches over and chucks baby Harry under his chin. "It's a start."

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**For Dreamer of All, who requested Sirius and Remus (and hopefully won't mind getting all four for the price of two). Hope this made you guys giggle!**


	9. lily & james iv

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Just some L/J fluff I've had written for a while while I put final touches on a few requests. Enjoy!

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_Stop it:_

_May 1978_

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"Lily!" James calls. She looks up from the Transfiguration book spread open in front of her down to the lake, where he, Sirius, and Peter are splashing around in the shallows. "Come in?"

She laughs and shuts her book, leaning forward onto her palms. "What, and miss all of this N.E.W.T cramming?"

"Sure!" he replies, slicing his hand through the water and sending a splash her way. Lily shrieks and ducks backwards, thrusting her book behind her in the nick of time. Remus looks up from his papers too, shaking his head and sharing an amused glance with Lily as she flicks water from her skirt.

"Oh, you'll pay for that one, James!" she shouts, leaping up and shedding her jumper. "Remus?"

Her friend laughs and shakes his head. "You can have this revenge alone, Lily."

James slogs out of the lake and runs towards Lily, wet trousers and all. "Give me a hug," he says with a grin.

"No way!" she laughs, darting backwards. James catches her hand and pulls her towards him, swinging her over his shoulder.

"Stop it!" Lily kicks her heels vainly in the air as he takes her down to the lake. "Mr. Potter, this is unacceptable!" she cries as they near the water. "I'm afraid I must insist that you put me down right now!"

She can hear the smile in his voice as he steps into the water, replies, "Whatever you wish, milady," and swings her off his back.

Sputtering, cold, and wet, Lily reaches up for his hand. "You should really watch out right now," she murmurs.

"You're gonna pull me in now, aren't you?" he asks.

"Uh-huh."

And, to the great delight of those assembled on the banks—she does.

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	10. lily & narcissa

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_For Dreamer of All_

_It wasn't meant to happen this way:_

_Autumn 1978_

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Lily is lingering near the windows of Twillfit and Tatting's in Diagon Alley, trying to look as though she's browsing instead of on guard for the Order. Out of the corner of her eye she sees a willowy blonde woman approaching wearing a long, dark dress; the woman's nose is high in the air, and Lily is certain she's seen her before somewhere.

It's when the woman sweeps by her and enters the shop that Lily recognizes her; rather, she's aware that this is Lucius Malfoy's wife, and so probably high in the Dark Lord's inner circle. So, sure that the woman is up to something dodgy for her husband, Lily takes a quick glance around Diagon Alley to verify that all is safe before following her inside.

Mrs. Malfoy fingers through the robes on the expensive, custom-made side; Lily follows subtly, pretending to admire them as well. However, in her grungy Muggle jeans and sweatshirt, she looks out of place in the store, something Mrs. Malfoy evidently realizes, for she finally looks Lily directly in the eye and says, "If your business is with my husband, he's not here. And if it's me that you're following, I can't imagine why, as I've never done anything for the Dark Lord."

Lily breathes in sharply, taken aback. "I—" she stammers. "I thought maybe—if Mal-Lucius trusts you—" At last she falls silent, feeling foolish, flighty, and not in the least defensive. And when she looks up again, the older woman's eyes are deep and sad, with a single tear pooling at the corner of one.

"We're not the only prejudiced ones, you know," Mrs. Malfoy says quietly. "The way you jumped to conclusions; you didn't give the slightest thought that maybe I was on a different side than my husband."

"Are you?" Lily replies, just as soft.

The woman sighs. "No. But I'm not all the way with him, either. This whole war is unnecessary—it wasn't meant to happen this way. Wizards have ruled the Muggles for centuries; like house elves they couldn't be without us, although they're completely oblivious to it. But no respectable wizard would kill his house elf, and I just can't condone the killing of Mudbloods." Her hand trembling a little, Mrs. Malfoy replaces the peacock blue robe she's been holding the whole time and takes a long breath, drawing herself up to full height as her tone grows icy. "However, you did not need to know that. Now, if you will excuse me, Lucius expects me back at the manor."

She sweeps out as haughtily as she came in, Lily marveling at the coldness of the woman; how freely she spoke of the Muggles as their slaves, no better than house elves. Still, she wasn't with Voldemort, and that was something. So, mind whirling over the conversation with Mrs. Malfoy, Lily returns to her post and spend the next hour mulling over the curiousness of it all.

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**I'm working on a few requests, and if anyone else has characters or scenarios they'd like to see, feel free to ask! I have a bunch of quotes left . . .**


	11. lily & sirius part one

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_For jellybeanloverr -_

_She's gone. She's gone:_

_July 1981_

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It's late, nearly midnight, when Lily hears the _pop_ of Apparation outside the door.

"James!" she cries, leaping up and running down the hall—he, Sirius, Dorcas Meadows, and Marlene McKinnon had been paired off for guard duty tonight until ten thirty. She'd been stuck in Godric's Hollow, with only little Harry to keep her company and to alleviate the worry that grows and grows with each chime of the clock. But when she throws open the door, it's not her husband who she launches herself on—it's Sirius.

Her face whitens. "What?—Sirius—where's James? Where's my husband?"

His eyes have a leaden glaze to them as he answers, woodenly, "Saint Mungo's."

"Merlin, no," she gasps, clutching onto the back of one of the spindly kitchen chairs as her legs threaten to give out beneath her. "Take me. Now."

"It's not James," Sirius replies. "It's Marlene. She's been—she got Avada Kedavra'd, and there's nothing anyone can do. So James—" his voice breaks. "James said he'd wait with the body until . . ." He trails off, looking around the kitchen, then dropping into a seat and leaning his head in his hands.

"Oh, Sirius," Lily whispers, tears springing to her eyes. Yes, she and Marlene were friends, despite that the latter was eight years older—but Sirius was closer to Marlene than he was to anyone but the Marauders, and she'd taken the place of the mother, sister, and even, occasionally girlfriend that he didn't have. "Can I get you anything?" she asks, rubbing her hand across his back, heart aching as it trembles with the effort of not crying.

"Don't be thick, Lily," he chokes, voice threaded with unshed grief. "You can't get me _Marlene_. She's gone. _She's gone_, and there's nothing anyone can do about it."

Sirius is right. She's gone, and Lily and Sirius are still there, and there's nothing either of them can do—so Lily doesn't try to make things better. She just stands behind him and weaves her fingers through the tangles of his hair, traces her palm in spirals across his back, and pretends not to notice when he begins emitting audible sobs. And for his part, when her tears begin falling onto his shirt, he doesn't mention that either. So maybe, they're doing something right.

There's nothing anyone can do _about_ Marlene. But there's plenty they can do _for_ her yet.

Right now, they have to pick up the shattered pieces and fight the Dark Lord, carrying her torch all the way into battle. And even if right now, Lily won't be allowed to go into any battle, she knows Sirius will, a thousand times stronger than before.

And that is what Marlene has done for them.

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**Marlene McKinnon = a rare-mentioned canon First Order member, for all you guys who don't read HP so obsessively :) This will be a sort of five part series over the next few days.**


	12. lily & sirius ii part two

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_The night she died . . . my heart went with her:_

_July/August 1981_

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"Lily, don't you ever worry that something'll happen, and James'll be killed?" Sirius asks, words broken and jumbled, as he aimlessly stirs his untouched tea with the tip of his wand.

Your heart catches, and you reply softly, "All the time, Sirius. That's the worst part of having to stay here all the time with Harry: the waiting."

"It's funny," he begins, although you're sure it'll be anything but, "But I never worried about her. She was so fearless and brave, and I always figured that when the Dark Lord cornered us at last, she'd be the last one firing curses, and she'd go down in a blaze of glory, taking dozens of his own."

You know he's talking about Marlene; the poor man hasn't thought of anything but in the two weeks since she died.

Sirius laughs bitterly now, pushing his tea away. "Instead, she didn't know what hit her. Was whispering something to Dorcas one minute; I turned to Benjy for an instant; then a flash of light and _boom!_—dead."

"But you kept fighting," you whisper, trying to breathe life into this shattered man before you. "The three of you avenged her then, and you'll keep doing that, because you know she would have, if it had been you that was hit."

"Sometimes," mutters Sirius, "I wish it had."

"No you don't!" you say automatically, wishing Sirius had come when James was at home, or that he hadn't insisted on waiting.

"Lily, the night she died . . ." he rakes one hand through his unbrushed hair. "The night she died, my heart went with her."

"Oh Sirius," you breathe, one eye darting unconsciously to the nest room where baby Harry lies asleep in his crib.

"Don't pity me!" he chokes. "Marlene could never stand to be pitied!"

"I don't pity you," you reply, as fragmented as him. "I emphasize with you."

His breathing is short and ragged as he scrapes back his chair; stumbles to the door. "How can you?" he asks. "James is alive."


	13. lily & sirius iii part three

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It reminds me so much of her:

_August 1981_

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You're grown used to Sirius's frequent visits now, in the month since Marlene's death. Sometimes he comes when James is there—but more often than not, when he's with his best friend, Sirius masks his pain. As he told you once, James is his friend for everything, which is exactly why he can't burden him with this right now. Nor Remus, nor Peter. But you and he, he says, are stuck together; both waiting—you for the war to end and Harry to be safe; him for the curse that takes him to Marlene.

You try to hide the cold fear that spreads over your body when he says that, so offhand. If only you could draw out the Sirius you used to know, who so infuriated you during your years at Hogwarts. What wouldn't you do to have him back now . . .

"Remember that time in third year, when you and James and Peter and Remus tricked that little first year into believing that Mrs. Norris was a stray who'd wandered into the castle, and it was the considerate thing to do to give her a bath and put her in a box for the night?" Getting no reply from Sirius, you merely continue. "And tiny Nattie did just like you suggested, and earned himself detention for a week."

Sirius moans. "Why were we so cruel?"

You chuckle. "I sure thought so. I was so angry. I went to Professor Dumbledore and got you four those same detentions; remember?"

His face clouds over. "I wish to Merlin I didn't."

You laugh out loud, glad that he's being sarcastic again—but you weren't prepared for him to continue. When he does, you realize his earlier comment wasn't at all sarcastic.

"It reminds me so much of her . . . _you _remind me so much of her."

You mentally compare Marlene's cloud of curly brown hair to your own of thick red. Think about her laugh that rippled out when no one expected it, and the way she walked, in long, choppy strides that would have looked masculine and ungainly with anyone else. No, the two of you are nothing alike.

As if reading your mind, Sirius amends his statement. "Not all the time, Lily. But like that, when you stood up so staunchly for what you thought was right—then, you were so like her."

You try to smile, or just say a few words of trite comfort, but words won't come because suddenly your lips are pressed together but still trembling, and your cheeks are wet with tears that have been too long in falling. Not merely for Marlene or for Sirius, stumbling around without the older woman he'd come so much to depend on in the last few years, but selfish ones for you; for James and Harry.

"Maybe . . . maybe you should go now," you whisper to Sirius. Like a whipped puppy he slips from his seat and out the door as you are left alone, wondering when the brash, uncontrollable Sirius Orion Black of your childhood allowed others to get so far into his psyche.

And why the universe decided to snatch one of those rare people, and why it let him go on as only a shadow of himself. Not really Sirius Black anymore at all.

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**Meh, I liked this one better when I first wrote it. Thoughts?**


	14. lily & sirius iv part four

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_I... I could... I could hear her screams...:_

_September 1981_

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Sirius shows up on your doorstep early in the morning, haggard and pale and shattered. James, half asleep and grumbling, tells you that if you want you can head back to bed, but when you see the look on Sirius's face you stay, mumbling that Harry'll be up in a few minutes anyway. So the three of you sit around the kitchen table, James asking gruffly, "What is it, mate? It's bloody five AM." He's obviously not the one who's talked to Sirius these weeks; not the one who he confides in about Marlene. Still, when Sirius says, "I had a dream about _her_," it only takes James a couple seconds to figure out _her_, and to look awake and properly ready to listen.

"We were running along the lake," he murmurs, twisting his hands through the rough fabric of his shirt. "The one at Hogwarts, and she was ahead of me; laughing and calling to me to keep up, that she's getting away."

You shudder, able to so clearly imagine how much Sirius hurts; how much it's costing him to keep it together now. And yet he is, better then most times you see him—although your view, you know, is the unsolicited one; the one where, although you have no idea why, he lets his guard down and breaks.

"And then we made it to a cliff," he continues as you jerk back to attention. "She was standing right on the precipice when I finally caught up to her. She held out her hand to me and I started to reach for it, but then a robed figure stepped from the shadows.

"'You have another chance,' it growled at me. It said I had another chance to save her.

"So I turned to snatch for her hand, to pull her back, but she jerked away as our eyes caught. She looked at me for a minute, then lowered her head, turned around, and . . . and . . .

"And then she jumped. I could . . . I could hear her screams as she went down, and I tried to follow her; to somehow reach her on the rocks below. But she wasn't anywhere." Sirius pauses, twisting his fingers around each other; pulling them around his wrists as they whiten and veins pop.

"Or else," he finishes, "She didn't want me to save her. Or else, she wanted to go on her own terms; to be free again."

There's a pause; five or so seconds of heady, emotive silence. Then, "Maybe," Sirius murmurs, "To be free of me."

What can you say? What can James say? You look at each other for a second, then turn back to Sirius—and this time, it's James who talks gently to him; James who murmurs the right things, and you who slips into the kitchen to brew a pot of tea that will, no doubt, go untouched anyway.

But when you come back, Sirius is smiling wanly, and when you set the mug of tea in front of him, he pushes it away and, with a chuckle that cracks in the middle, says, "Screw that. I never liked the stuff anyway."

* * *

**Last angsty second person Sirius! And there's one more to finish the series :)**


	15. lily & james v part five

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* * *

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_He's not exactly . . . sane anymore:_

_September 1981_

_-_

Sirius leaves, and Lily and James make their way upstairs. James is somber; his face is ashen—but Lily is almost smiling, for their friend was just more upbeat, more happy—more himself—than she's seen him in weeks. Still, she knows it's the opposite for James, and doesn't speak until he does, once they're tucked under the covers of the darkened room.

"Lily," he whispers, voice breaking, "How could it have gotten this bad? I didn't know . . . didn't know how much he hurt. He didn't tell me. Didn't let me help him."

Lily bites her lip, invisible in the blackness. "He didn't want to burden any of you guys; not you or Peter or Remus. You all had to focus on the Order . . . that's why we've been talking since she died, me and Sirius—neither of us have to fight. Don't be angry at him, James—he was trying to spare you three."

"I'm not _angry_, Lily," James says. "I—he's my best friend, and I had no idea how bad off he was. I still don't . . . will he be alright? Is he getting better?"

"He was better tonight," Lily replies honestly, glad to be able to say that, at least. "But a lot of the time, he's not exactly . . . sane anymore." At James' sharp intake of breath, she realizes how harsh the statement sounds, and she amends it quickly. "Not insane, deranged, but, James, he's lost . . . it's like . . . it's like he doesn't want to be here anymore, and I've been trying to help, but he keeps drifting further and further away from me. From all of us." She tries to hold back a sob, but finally leans into James' embrace. "I'm sorry . . . so sorry," she cries over and over again.

"For what?" James asks, and there's a touch of bitterness to his voice. "For saving my best mate from doing something thick and winding up with the same fate as Marlene?'

"Oh, James." Lily's holds on tighter to him, fingers wrapped and tangled in the back of his shirt. "I don't know why he chose me. Most of the time I've no idea what to say, and it's been so hard, but if I helped him at all; in any way it's worth it, because I can't stand seeing Sirius like this, so beaten down."

"Thanks, Lily," James replies, voice thick; Lily realizes he's about to cry, and now she's crying too. "For everything you've done for him . . . because if I know Sirius, he'll never get around to thanking you himself."

Lily laughs a little, muffled into James' chest, and kisses the bottom of his jaw. "Tonight," she says with a weak giggle, "Tonight he thanked me . . . he said to screw the tea . . . as far as I'm concerned, that's a vase of roses and a dinner out."

James kisses her back, fierce and rough and damp with unacknowledged tears. "You get him," he says simply. "Thank _you_ for that."

* * *

**And there's part five! Expect some lighter moments now :) Although both Sirius _and _a not-dead Marlene will still make some appearences. Hope you guys enjoyed :)**


	16. lily & severus iii

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_You're my best friend:_

_September 1, 1975_

_-_

The autumn sun is setting over the lake when Lily and Severus meet after term feast beneath their weeping willow tree. It's their fifth Sorting, and both are beginning to realize that there are only two left. So Lily's mouth turns down a bit at the corners, and Severus tries to look overly glad to make up for his sinking heart.

"Hard to believe we've been doing this for four years," Lily murmurs as they wind along the waterside path. "And that five years ago, we were just going alone to our new common rooms."

Severus nods, running his hand through the final blooms of wildflowers growing along the path. "Things are so different now," he muses. "And yet . . . they're not. We've gotten taller, but what's really changed between us since then?"

Smiling nostalgically, Lily twirls a strand of her hair around one finger. "You're still my best friend, Sev. That hasn't changed, and it never will."

He's thankful for the shorter days; for the dusk that hides his sudden blush. "Well, what if . . . what if we weren't exactly best friends anymore?"

Lily turns to him, eyes widening. "Don't be silly, we'll _always_ be best friends. Right?"

Under the intensity of her surprise Severus loses courage; he stammers and scuffs his feet, finally muttering, "Always. I wouldn't want it any other way."

Lying through his teeth.

But the autumn sun is setting and the weeping willow is leaning its boughs over the water, and Severus Snape is walking through this splendor with Lily Evans—his best friend. There'll be time for more later.

* * *

**Some light fluff-ishness, to make up for all the angst and sadness of the past few chapters. Hopefully some of you guys like Lily and Severus ;)**


	17. lily & caradoc

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_We're all in this, for each other._

_Summer 1978_

_-_

"What?" Lily feels her heart stop; stunned, she turns to Caradoc Dearborn. "_Now_?"

He looks at her sharply. "Lily, the Death Eaters won't wait until you're ready to fight. We have get to Kent. It may already be too late."

"But—" A fuzzy roaring sound fill her ears, and she sways on her feet for a moment. "But I just got inducted yesterday, and know as many curses as I had to for seventh year Defense, not many more. I-I'll fight tooth and nail as hard as I can, but how will I help?"

Caradoc looks at her with more sympathy than she's seen in his eyes since she started training with him. "Every man—woman—we can get helps. We're all in this, for each other, and we all need to depend on each other. I trust you. _I trust you, Lily._ I know you won't let me down."

Lily swallows hard, and the buzzing in her head fades a notch. "Hurry, then. Before we're too late."

Her mentor nods. "Wands out, then?"

"Wands out," she replies grimly, pulling her own from her jeans pocket.

"Ready?" asks Caradoc.

She nods.

"Then Apparate."

She feels the tug from her belly, grips her wand tighter, and sends herself flying into hell.

(She's only in this for everyone else.)

* * *

**Caradoc Dearborn = First Order member who dissapeared without a trace six months after the First Order photo was taken.**


	18. lily & remus

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* * *

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_For Dreamer of All -_

_Change is not always a bad thing:_

_May 1973_

_-_

As is often the case, Lily and Remus are the last ones in the common room the night before their second year finals. Tonight, however, she has a reason to stay, and as soon as Mary McDonald climbs the stairs, she snaps her book shut and faces him.

"I want to know why you and James and Sirius and Peter think it's so much fun to tease Severus," demands Lily, planting herself in front of Remus. "It's horrible and cruel and he's never done anything to you."

Remus looks up mildly from _1000 Magical Herbs and Fungi_. "You might want to argue that one with Sirius," he suggests. "Or else James. Me and Peter are just along for the ride."

"But _why_?" she asks, biting her lip. "You guys are mean to him. You hurt him."

"Lily . . ." Remus pauses. "Sirius and Slytherin house have personal vendettas against each other, not to mention the rivalries that's there with all of Slytherin. And, anyway, you can't say that Snape's never been the one to instigate this!"

"But he wasn't the first one to instigate this. He would have been happy to disapprove of you from afar, if you all hadn't picked on him first."

"I don't think I can change any of their minds about Snape, Lily; Peter as well as Sirius and James."

"Change isn't always a bad thing, Remus."

"It's not me you have to convince of that."

Lily sighs. "Whatever. Thanks for listening." She snaps shut her books, gathers up her papers, and caps her ink bottle, then walks to the base of the stairs. "'Night Remus."

"'Night," he replies softly, and is soon alone in the common room.

Right now, he doesn't feel much like a Gryffindor.


	19. lily & mcgonagall

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* * *

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_For msllamalover -_

_We have to save him:_

_Winter 1978-1979_

_-_

Lily's heart races as she Apparates to the gates of Hogwarts, praying that Dumbledore will be there; that anyone will be around to help Moody see reason—that someone will be around who will understand why Caradoc can't possibly have just disappeared, and there's still hope for him, because Lily knows that the short, gruff wizard would have done everything in his power to hold on until help came; to not just vanish in the middle of the night without a trace.

"McGonagall!" she cries, nearly running headlong into the Scottish witch. "I mean, Professor—"

"Miss Evans?" McGonagall holds out a hand to steady the young witch. "Lily, what are you doing here? Is everything alright with the Phoenix?"

Lily presses her lips together, unsure of what to say. "Is—is Dumbledore in?" she asks quickly, but is disappointed when McGonagall shakes her head 'no'.

"Can I help you with anything?" the older witch asks, alarmed by Lily's disheveled appearance and red eyes.

Lily pauses for a moment before nodding, and hurrying with McGonagall into an empty classroom.

"It's Caradoc," she cries, once they're safely away from prying ears. "I went to his house to get him yesterday, because it was our turn to be on guard in Hogsmeade, and he was just _gone_. And Moody won't do anything, and no one else even acts worried, but I though—I hoped Dumbledore might be able to help."

McGonagall looks sympathetically at her ex student. "Lily," she says gently, "That's just what Caradoc does. He fights for a while, he leaves for a few days. Comes back to fight, does all he can, and then disappears to Merlin knows where."

"How do you know?" Lily's voice rises. "How do know that this isn't the time the Dark Lord got him, and that he's not sitting in a dark cellar somewhere being tortured? We have to find him—have to save him!" She starts crying in earnest now, still staring defiantly at McGonagall.

"Lily, it's alright," the older witch soothes, face softening a litte. Awkwardly, she reaches out towards the girl, finally pulling Lily into an embrace. "That's just Caradoc. Rough, prickly, Caradoc. The only reason he stayed around so long this time is because he had you to train. He'll be back soon. I promise."

"You do?" Lily asks, childlike as she meets her professor's eyes, trying to believe her. "You promise?

"I do," McGonagall replies staunchly.

(This time, she's right. And by the time she's wrong, it's too late to matter for Lily anyway.)

* * *

**This and the other one involving Cardoc I've posted are sort of bookends to each other, but there will be more to fill up the middle. Any feedback on any chapter, would be much appreciated, even if you aren't going to alert. And, Jay, I hope you enjoyed this McGonagall :)**


	20. lily & the marauders ii

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_We're not letting you go on your own:_

_February 1980_

_-_

Remus scrapes his chair back from the table in Godric's Hollow, peering out the window at the setting sun and the faint outline of the full moon on the horizon.

"I'd better head out, then," he says sadly, waving a quick goodbye to Lily, James, Sirius, and Peter. Lily raises her eyebrows questioningly at her husband—_did they decide to stop doing the transformations with him?_—but Sirius beats her to it.

"What, you think that now Lily and James are in hiding, you'll have to be noble and take care of this furry little problem all by yourself?"

Remus swallows hard. "I can't let you guy come with me anymore . . . it's too dangerous now, with the prophecy and the Death Eaters everywhere, and Lily in her condition . . ."

"I'm pregnant!" Lily exclaims. "Not sick! Don't say that on my account."

James jumps in after her, saying, "Well, we're not letting you go on your own, so that's a conflict of interests there."

"However," Peter adds, "There's three of us, four counting Lily—" ("Five with the baby," chimes in Sirius.)—"And one of you."

"No, you really don't have much choice in the matter," James concludes, to much nodding and general approval from all Marauders but Remus.

"Fine," Remus finally relents, "Sirius and Peter, come on—but James, you just _can't_. You're an adult now, with a wife and soon a child. You can't risk all that for a midnight run."

James glares at him, but turns to Lily, who offers him a wry, 'What can we do' smile.

"Alright, mate," he says gruffly, clapping Remus on the shoulder. "Now get going, or else we'll have a huge werewolf, big dog, and rat running through this tiny cottage."

Remus nods and walks out the door, closely followed by Peter and Sirius, who turns to James and jerks his head in the direction the Marauders are going; a 'Come later' invitation. As soon as they're gone, Lily turns to her husband.

"That's not going to stop you, is it?" she asks, sure of his answer.

"Course not," he replies jauntily, with a hint of Arrogant Quidditch Captain James in his tone. "Remus just worries too much." He pauses, looking tenderly at Lily for a moment. "But you'll be okay here, right?"

She pushes him towards the door. "Completely. Go howl to the moon, James."

"I think you've got the definitions of stag and werewolf confused with each other . . ." he calls, already halfway outside. "But I'll do my best."


	21. lily & severus iv

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_For Werewolf Vampire Mistress -_

_I had a dream last night:_

_Autumn 1979_

_-_

When Lily leaves the flat to go to her shift with the Order, a large barred owl is perched in a tree at the side of the building. As soon as the door closes behind her it swoops down, hooting softly, and drops a rolled up parchment in front of her.

_Lily Evans_, it reads in jagged, scratchy letters. _Potter now,_ she thinks irritatedly, but unfurls it just the same. Her heart skips a beat.

It's from Severus.

_Dear Lily,_ it begins. _I've been thinking about you a lot lately. What I said to you; what happened afterwards; how somehow, in the past year or so, we've seemed to slip away from each other entirely. Well, I had a dream last night, and we were friends again; talking and laughing like old times. Do you think we could ever get back to that?_

_I don't want to say 'I'm sorry' again, because you never seemed to accept that. So, how about we meet sometime? At the Three Broomsticks or the Leaky Cauldron; talk things out. Get reacquainted. _

_Owl me no matter what? Yours, Sev._

For a minute or so Lily stands there stunned, the letter clutched in her hand as her past with Severus rushes back to her. Her head swims with memories, and uncertainty of how she should reply.

James wouldn't want her to at all; that's for sure. Nor would Sirius, Remus, or Peter—_but they were James' friends first,_ she tells herself. _And Sev's enemies second._

Marlene would grin and say to go for it. Moody would scowl and mutter that he was probably working for the Dark Lord, and was setting up a trap for her. And Dumbledore's eyes would twinkle and he'd say something cryptic about old friends, and how you should hang onto them.

On second thought, maybe that was what Lily herself would say. She takes a deep breath and refolds the letter, sliding it into her jacket pocket to reply to when she returns to the flat.

But there's a skirmish that day and a trip to Saint Mungo's the next, then a pregnancy charm, a conversation with Dumbledore—and after that there's no question about it; she can't possibly contact Severus while in hiding.

Lily vows to herself that as soon as the war ends, she'll owl him; meet with him; forgive him. That she'll somehow orchestrate a peaceful existence between him and the Marauders; that he'll be able to be her child's godfather. But the war ends, and Lily is sprawled lifeless across her son's crib.

And Sev isn't forgiven.

* * *

**And I've crossed the twenty chapter mark! ... Eighty more to go xD I've posted quite a few requests and am working on the rest, but feel free to ask for any others! Don't limit yourself to the obvious characters either; I'd be happy to do random first order members and such too, although *grins* I have quite a few of those prewritten already.**


	22. lily & the first order

_We cannot lose this battle:_

_Summer 1979_

_-_

Curses whiz by Lily's head as she fights back to back with Caradoc, who's leading the attack. To her right is Sirius with James; beyond them is the final pair, the Prewett twins. Death Eaters circle around them, darting in between trees and trying to force the Order members to split up.

"This is—hopeless—" she hears James wheeze; a jet of red light flashes towards him and Lily screams, sending a fast curse back at a robed woman.

"Focus on your own fight," Caradoc snaps from behind her, goading her into whirling to her left just in time to block a husky Death Eater's jinx.

"There's too many," Sirius pants, whipping his wand around and sending a stream of fire at two of their opponents, who promptly extinguish it with _Augumenti._

Suddenly a curse streaks by Lily, missing her side by inches, but hitting right into Caradoc. He moans and falls to the ground as blood begins pouring from a gash down his right arm.

"Sweet Circes—Caradoc, can you Apparate?" she cries, not letting up on the Death Eaters. James and Sirius move to join her, and the three form a protective ring around the fallen Auror.

"Gideon! Fab!" Sirius shouts, his left hand in the effects of a minor Jelly Jinx. "We have to get out of here!"

"You go!" One of them—Fabian—replies, twisting away from a hex just in time.

"We're having too much fun here," Gideon adds, laughing and pointing his wand at a tall, thin Death Eater.

"You'll be killed!" Lily cries.

"Then we'll go down fighting. We cannot lose this battle."

"Yes, didn't you hear?—they'll go down _fighting_." The shapely woman cackles and curses Lily like lightning; James blocks it inches from her face. By now several Death Eaters are gone, and the odds are better than before—but not good enough.

"Send Molly and Mum and Dad our love," the Prewetts say quietly. "Good luck."

"Good luck," Sirius, James, and Lily reply numbly.

"Now, get _out_!" Fabian cries, as Gideon shouts _"Protego_," deflecting a spell from the prone Caradoc in the nick of time.

The twins are ducking from side to side, jets of light whirling around them, when Lily sees them for the last time. Red hair glowing all colors amid the curses, they don't look like dying—they look vividly alive, in the way only Gideon and Fabian can.

That's why she's horrified to learn the next day that they'll never return from the forest. That when they died, it was just like that, captured in light.

Turns out, they could lose that battle after all.

* * *

**I'm probably the only one who really cares about the correctness of the dates and all ... but, turns out I was wrong about Marlene's death (well, it's arguable), as well as the last sentence of the McGonagall chapter that refers to Caradoc's eventual disappearance. I can't/am too lazy to rewrite the Sirius chapters before Harry and Godric's Hollow, so Marlene and Caradoc will both be a teensy bit AU.**

**And Gideon and Fabian Prewett = First Order members who were Molly's brothers, brought down fighting by five+ Death Eaters. Fanon has them as twins, which I kept with here. Hope you enjoyed!**


	23. lily & marlene

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_I've watched people die. Nothing scares me anymore:_

_Autumn 1979_

_-_

When Marlene and Lily finally reappear outside of London, the Death Eaters long behind them, Lily is shocked to look over and see the older woman laughing. Shocked that she's wiping blood and grime off her face, that she barely avoided the Cruciatus Curse—and she's laughing with honest exhilaration.

"Marlene?" Lily asks hesitantly, scrubbing her jumper sleeve across her own filthy cheeks. "Are you okay?"

She shrugs, knotting one hand through her tangled-more-than-normal hair. "Sure. Why?"

"It's . . . I don't get it. The Death Eaters, the fear, the attacks, and you're laughing."

Marlene sighs, suddenly somber. "You've never been out with anyone but Caradoc, have you Lily?"

"No," Lily replies quietly. "Why?"

"When you're an Auror like me, who's been in the program long enough to remember the Dark Lord's first attacks but short enough that for you, there was never a time before . . . when you're an Auror like that, things change. I look at people getting tortured, bleeding out, and I don't feel anymore. Don't want to feel anymore. I laugh because the fight is addicting, and I laugh so I can't cry."

"Merlin," Lily breathes, thinking of James beginning Auror training; of Sirius who takes the same wretched delight in battle. "How do you do it? This fighting without feeling, and knowing that every day you come within inches of death . . . but never wondering that you'll make it out alive."

Again, Marlene laughs; but it's darker this time and not exhilarated in the slightest. "I've watched people die," she tells Lily flatly. "Nothing scares me anymore."

Lily imagines the Mulciber boy who was killed in the skirmish last week. Not by her; she wasn't sure who's curse it had been, and couldn't bring herself to ask. But, she realizes, when he soared backwards, collided with the ground, eyes unseeing—it hadn't made her falter. Not then. First it had filled her with cold, horrified resolve: to make certain she was alive to come home to James that day; to not drift into the sky with the unnamed enemy.

But then—later it had hit her. Later when she was curled up with James, clinging to him like he could be her shield in the next battle—then she was terrified.

She and Marlene, however, are two completely different people. Lily is trying to shake off war's gloom, yet Marlene wrinkles her nose and spits on the ground, wiping her mouth as if to get rid of the bad taste. Then she gestures to Lily, telling her to come on, that there are reports to file—"And won't Mad Eye be in a tiff if we're late?"

Lily follows, watching Marlene with slight awe. She wonders if she'll become like this after a few more years of war.

She prays she won't have to.

* * *

**This is a chapter/character I've been dying to write since July when I first started considering the Marlene/Sirius angle. Poor Marlene always seems to end up either in or the subject of not so happy chapters. Anyway, hope you enjoyed!**


	24. lily & james vi

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* * *

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_You know you want me:_

_Autumn 1975_

_-_

"Lily! Hey, Lily, wait!"

The familiar voice of James Potter reaches Lily's ears; she and Severus turn around, each equally annoyed. He reaches them, panting slightly. "Oh, hi Sn-Severus," James adds unconvincingly. "So, I was wondering, since Remus is doing prefect duty tomorrow instead of you, that means you can go to Hogsmeade, and would you like to come with me?"

Lily wrinkles her nose. "With you? Not likely."

"C'mon, James!" Peter calls as he, Remus, and Sirius approach the three. "We're going to be late for class again."

James blinks and looks nervously from Lily to his friends. "Aw, no, you know you want me!" he says with a sideways grin to Sirius. At this point, Severus snorts and hurries away, muttering, "Meet you in Potions."

"_That_ is _ridiculous_!" Lily cries. "You're immature and embarrassing and I will _not _go _anywhere_ with you!" Huffing out a breath she stalks away, but not before she hears Sirius in the background:

"Hey, Prongs? I'm getting a strange feeling that maybe she doesn't want you so bad."


	25. lily & dumbledore

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* * *

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_For thelightningstrike -_

_I'm not strong enough:_

_Late January, 1980_

_-_

After Dumbledore, eyes devoid of their usual sparkle, finishes informing Lily and James about Trelawney's prophecy and that their child could fulfill it, James leaps up and runs out the door. Lily remains, knuckles white from where she's been clenching and unclenching her fingers in her lap.

"It's not definite, you know," her former headmaster says gently. "The prophecy is only as true as the Dark Lord makes it."

One of her hands strays to her belly. "But with the Dark Lord," she replies softly, "That's no solstice at all."

"You'll make it through," Dumbledore says. "All three of you."

Lily shivers. "I hope with all my soul James and the baby do. But me?" She bites her lip, embarrassed at the weakness she's about to show before this great wizard. "I'm not sure—I don't think—" She sighs. "I'm not strong enough."

When she meets Dumbledore's gaze, his eyes are merrier than they've been all evening.

"You are," he says, firm. "Or at least, you will be."

Lily rises awkwardly from her chair, starting for the door to meet James. "How do you know?" she asks.

Dumbledore smiles gently at her, allowing his half moon spectacles to slip down his nose. "Because. You'll have to be."

* * *

**Ye gods, I am so sorry about the mediocre-ness of this chapter! I'll keep trying on Dumbledore; now I understand why people say he's so hard to write, particularly his dialogue. Regardless, I'd love to hear your thoughts.**


	26. lily & the sorting hat

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_How could you do this to me:_

_September 1, 1971_

_-_

"Evans, Lily."

The eleven year old turned to Sev, biting her lip. _Good luck,_ he mouthed. Lily smiled nervously back at him, then turned and began walking down the rows of black robed, complacent, _Sorted_ students. After what seemed like eons of striding forwards at a near jog, she reached the dais with the stool.

Nervously, Lily picked up the hat and sat down, placing it on her head where it promptly drooped over her forehead.

"Let's see now, what have we here?" a quiet voice asked into her ear.

_A Slytherin,_ she thought. _Like Sev. Put me in Slytherin._

"Now, why do you want that?" the hat questioned. "You could be great—yes, you could—but with loyalty like that . . . Hufflepuff would fit you in that respect, but otherwise—"

_Slytherin would fit._

"Not all that clever, are we?" the hat replied, sounding a bit peeved. "No, I think there's only one place for you . . ."

_Please._

". . . Better make it . . ."

_Not this._ In that last moment Lily knew what the hat would say; knew that she'd be Sorted into the house Severus had bemoaned the most, with no chance of him following her.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

_How could you do this to me? You're nothing but a stupid bit of cloth, and you're _wrong._ This is all a mistake!_

"Nonetheless, you'd better be off now."

Lily ripped the hat from her head, hoping that it could feel pain—right now, she certainly did. Tears prickling at the edge of her eyes, she walked back down the aisle; all the way to the red and gold table where people were cheering her arrival. But she didn't care about that—not yet. It was Sev she cared about; Sev who had pushed his way a bit out of line and was staring at her in horrified sadness.

What could Lily do? She sat down and watched, numb, through the rest of the Sorting. And when Severus was Sorted into Slytherin, she ducked her head to hide her tears.

(She never knew that that night, across the hall at the table of his dreams, her best friend was doing the same thing.)


	27. lily & james vii

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**If you haven't done so already, before reading this chapter, go here (without the spaces): www . hpprogs . com/2008/06/11/jk-rowlings-800-word-potter-prequel-now-online/ and read her 800 word prequel - this chapter will actually make sense if you do :-)**

* * *

_For Ichinggh0st -_

_Remind me why I married you again:_

_January 1980_

_-_

"I love the name Kathryn," Lily muses, shifting her weight against the armrest of the sofa to trying to accommodate the newly rounded bump on her stomach. "Or maybe Violet."

James glances up from _Quaffle!_ magazine. "That'll be a sorry child of ours should she happen to be a he."

Undeterred, Lily replies, "Then we'll call him . . . oh, Charles maybe, after both of our fathers. Or, I've always been partial to Matthew and Mark."

"Together?" James raises his eyebrows, and Lily halfheartedly kicks her leg in his direction.

"Honestly, one would think you didn't want to name this baby at all! Have you got anything better?"

Her husband smiles. "Well, we _could_ go with one of your conventional names. But, really, Sirius and I have a much better one in mind." Grinning broadly in her direction as he scoots out of leg range, he says brightly, "How about Elvendork? It's unisex!"

Lily groans and throws the couch pillow so it bounces off his head. "Elvendork. What a lucky, lucky little . . . goy or birl we will have. In the meantime, James, remind me why I married you again?"

"Because," he tells her, tossing the pillow back at her with very little husbandly tenderness, "I make life interesting."

"Of course," she says with a roll of her eyes. "Interesting; that's what I'd call it." But she can't quite hide the smile in her voice, because, really—that's exactly what she'd call it.


	28. lily & james viii

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_Um ... I'm not here right now. Please leave a message? :_

_November 1977_

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McGonagall has given Lily and James free use of her classroom after hours for Head duties, and it's there Lily escapes after she says no to him.

Again.

She pulls a patrol schedule from her shoulder bag and begins to pencil in names halfheartedly, thinking more about James' most recent proposal than Davy Gudgeon who she's given both the fifth floor corridor and North Astronomy tower on the same night.

What she's most afraid of is that saying no to him has become more habit than conviction. And why she's afraid—it could be because she hates the idea of eating all seven years of harsh words about James Potter. Or because—and this is a possibility she doesn't like to think about—he might just give up.

Davy Gudgeon gets slotted to check the corridors along the kitchen, and Lily's head aches with passionate, confused denial.

And then there's a knock on the door. "Lily? Lily, it's James." Who else? "Do you want some help?"

She doesn't feel like dealing with him—but doesn't want him to go away. "Um . . . I'm not here right now. Please leave a message with Sir Ulfric the Undermined across the hall, and I'll get back to you."

"Or I'll just give it right to you," he counters, opening the door and sitting down across from her. Lily is surprised to note that his hair is combed slightly flatter than normal, and every inch of his shirt's hemline is tucked where it belongs.

"What're we doing?" he asks.

Lily sighs. "I'm working on patrol schedules for next month."

"I'll help," he replies, not as happily as usual. But he does grin once he gets a good look at what she's written down.

"You've got Gudgeon in there four times, poor bloke!" he exclaims, laughing and grabbing her quill to put a strike through the entire block for December first.

Lily rolls her eyes, but chuckles at his unabashed enthusiasm, then slides the whole calendar across the table to him.

"You have a go then," she tells him, leaning back in her chair and watching. His head is bows low over the parchment, straight part and all, and Lily smiles beside herself.

If he was always like this, she thinks fondly, maybe things would change.

When she registers that thought, she can barely keep from choking. James Potter isn't someone she's ever been fond of, and she'd never planned on starting. But now . . .

Maybe things really _would_ change.

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**This is one of about five hard quotes that I want to get out of the way now, instead of waiting for the end :-) And Davy Gudgeon = silly Hufflepuff who tried to get past the Whomping Willow - but also a student of the age where he could have been a fifth, sixth, or seventh year prefect. Hope you guys enjoyed!**


	29. lily & gideon

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_Please don't leave me:_

_1978_

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Lily's footsteps echo along the damp cement of the abandoned London underground tunnel. She holds her wand above her head, casting its small beam of light around as far as possible in a vain attempt to see into the dark corners and vanquish the shadows around her.

"Gid?" she calls softly behind her. "Gideon, you still there?"

The two have been sent out to scour for possible meeting places for the Order; Moody had oh-so-cleverly thought of the long unused tunnels beneath the outskirts of the city and asked for volunteers to check them out. And Gideon had volunteered because he was Gideon and because he loved the damp and dark and the occasional danger without real threat. Lily hadn't volunteered because she'd missed the meeting, but James, wanting her to stay out of the thick of fighting for a day, had volunteered her himself.

"Right here," he replies. "Am I the only one who thinks Moody's gone loopy for even thinking that we could possibly meet here?"

"Loopier than normal, you mean?" she asks. "No."

A rat skitters across the tracks in front of her and Lily shrieks, throwing her hands up in the air before realizing how nonexistent the threat is. She sheepishly bends down to gather up her wand again, then continues forwards more cautiously.

"Don't like the dark much, then?" he asks, laughing. Lily shudders.

"No. Nor are spider webs, rats, and echoing tunnels high on my list of loves. In other words, please don't leave me alone here! Not even," she adds, fixing a sharp glare on him, "In pretend."

Gideon grins. "Dorcas told you about my little joke?"

"You scared her half to death!"

"What, she doesn't like the dark either?"

"What respectable girl would?"

This time, Gideon's laugher reaches the vaulted ceiling. "Marlene."

"Much as I love her—what do you consider respectable, Gid?"

"Fair point."

The two move on through the tunnel. They make light conversation and joke around, laughing and shoving and being young. In the belly of London, it's easy to forget there's a war on.

They remember when they come up. They remember because while they were in the underground, there was an attack. They remember because while they were making light conversation and joking around, Fergus Abbott was killed by Rodulphus Lestrange.

They'll never forget to remember again.

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**Aaaaaaaaaand introducing Gideon Prewett for a second time :-) Also, Dorcas = Dorcas Meadowes, a member of the First Order who was killed personally by Voldemort. She will be popping up in more than mention later on :-) Fergus Abbott is competely made up.**


	30. lily & james ix

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**This is the very first one I ever wrote, the day I took up the challenge almost a year ago. So ... quality wise it's probably not so good, but, like those hard quotes, I wanted to get it out of the way. (And sorry about the sudden influx of L/J!)**

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_You can't have everything_

_Spring 1975_

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James saunters into the library where he knows Lily's holed up studying for O.W.L.s. "Hey, Evans," he says, grinning at her as he sits down across from her. "You doing okay? Need any help?"

She looks up. "Potter, please, I'm trying to work. Is it possible for you to maybe leave me alone? D'you think you could do that?"

He raises his eyebrows towards her. "I'm not hurting anything, Lily." She lets out a huff of breath and returns her attention to her book. After a couple minutes she slams her palms down on the table.

"Look, James, I can't _concentrate_ with you looming over me."

"Oh, do I have that effect on you?" He stretches back in his chair, arching his back nonchalantly. "Good. I'm doing my job."

"No. We can continue this some other time, but I really need to work on this, and you're—ugh, you're such a distraction!" Lily rubs her forehead absentmindedly as she attempts to glare at James.

"So if I'm a distraction, that means you want me, right?"

"Uh-uh. No. It means I still think you're sort of a git, and I can't really stand you over extended periods, but when I'm trying to concentrate and you're running your mouth, I'll admit I find it a little hard to get back to my work."

James contemplates this for a minute, then shrugs. "Well, you can't have everything. I'll work on the rest."

"Potter!" Lily puts her quill down and stands up, walking over to him. "I've tried hard to be civil to you this year, and mostly it hasn't been so bad because you've been less annoying too, but it's times like these that make me rethink my kindness. So leave now, or I won't be held accountable for my actions."

"Easy, easy." James holds up his hands and backs away. "You go on studying." He walks towards the library doors. "And, Lily? Good luck on the O.W.L.s."

"Thanks," she calls quietly, already reabsorbed in her work.

_You know_, James thinks to himself as he heads back to the common room. _I said I couldn't have everything, and maybe I don't yet . . . but I think I'm on my way._


	31. lily & sirius & remus

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**There's some language in this one, be warned. If you want a little background to the scene, there was a time when the Marauders knew that one of them was a traitor. Like Sirius says in the books, who would have suspected Peter? But he and Remus may very well have suspected each other. I imagine that directly before this fragement, Sirius was throwing indirect accusations; Remus escaped to Godric's Hollow, and Sirius followed him.**

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_Never, ever try that again:_

_late August, 1981_

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"Here, Lily, I'll take him if you want."

Lily looks up gratefully to see Remus stride through the door. His face is creased and haggard, but she hands her screaming son to him with relief anyway, then takes her wand to the applesauce-sticky table.

"Lily?" Remus asks in a rough voice completely different from his normal soft, soothing tone. "Lily, you know that you and James and Harry and Pete mean the world to me, right?"

Surprised, she quickly replies, "Of course, Rem. And you—" But before she can say any more there's a loud banging on the door; after a couple seconds Sirius just steps in, slamming the screen behind him and planting himself between Remus and Lily.

"Don't think," he growls, a cold fury that Lily has never heard before, "That I'm not onto you." He snatches Harry, who wails louder, away from Remus; the latter just stands there unmoving as the baby is returned to Lily.

"The hell—"

Sirius doesn't let his friend get a word in edgewise. "Never, ever try that again." He advances on Remus, backing him against the cupboards. "If I ever find you coming here alone again, not even James to protect her . . . Just because Lily and James are good enough to trust you with their lives doesn't mean you can get away with any of this."

Lily clutches Harry tightly; the men don't seem to realize her presence at all anymore. But Sirius is horrible in his anger, and Remus has a hardness to him she's never seen before. She presses her forehear to her crying baby's own, willing herself not to lose it too.

With a frustrated cry, Sirius growls, "Can't you just make him shut up?" and whips his wand around to Silence Harry.

There's a tense, loaded several second quiet. Sirius starts to make a noise of apology, but before he can get out more than "Sor—" Remus pulls back his fist and swings it right into Sirius's face. It lands with a sickening crack, but Remus lets out a choked gasp and runs for the door before either Sirius or Lily can do more than gape.

Lily removes the charm from her son angrily and bounces the baby on her hip, talking softly to him and allowing the tears to run freely down her face as she turns, cold, away from Sirius.

"He's fucking insane!" Sirius exclaims, one hand over his nose as he fumbles for a towel with the other. "Don't ever let him in alone like that again, you hear me Lily?"

"Get out!" she finally cries, lifting her tearstained eyes to meet his. "How can you say that; for all I know I can't trust you, or Peter, or hell, maybe _James_. What gives you the right to decide?"

Sobbing and screaming for him to leave, to just go away, she pounds one fist against his back until he stalks for the door after Remus. Only then does Lily slide down the wall, clutching her son to her and crying into his sweet smelling head.

Sirius has ruined everything. The Marauders aren't supposed to be like this. They aren't.

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**:/ Lily is absolutely right.**


	32. lily & james x

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_These are tears of happiness:_

_August-September 1978_

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It's when they realize how deadly their work is that he does it. When they've both had enough close calls to scare the bejeezus and a few other choice words out of them; when the Killing Curse has whistled under Lily's arm and James has been Crucio'd for several seconds—it's not long after that James goes down on one knee.

They're in James and Sirius's flat, but Sirius is out at who-knows-where and won't be back until who-knows-when. So James and Lily curl up together on the sofa, James holding her as close as he can, kissing the top of her head and knotting his fingers through her hair. She buries her face in his chest, breathing deeply and not crying. Things are too hard right now to break down.

At last she feels James take a long, slow breath. Then he pulls away from her to kneel on the floor, holding onto her hands with one of his own and fumbling around in his pockets with the other.

"Lily," James begins, voice cracking. he blushes and clears his throat, then starts again. "Lily Diane Evans, I love you more than anything, and right now when everything's upside down and the world could end tomorrow, I just want you, and I want to know that you'll come home to me every night and I'll come home to you."

He pauses, looking anxiously at her. Lily's heart jumps to her throat—is he asking what she thinks he is?

For a few seconds both are quiet, then a blushing James adds in a rush, "Ashusbandandwife." Slightly calmer, "Sorry. I forgot to say that part."

Lily presses one hand to her throat, feeling tears spring to her eyes. James looks visibly affronted and positively queasy as finally, from his trouser pocket, he produces a ring.

"Oh, James!"

His eyes widen as tears start to roll down her cheeks. "Don't cry!" James hastens to grab her hands, to kiss her cheeks, forehead, and finally lips. "This," he mutters to himself, "Is _not_ what Sirius said would happen."

Lily snorts out a laugh, wiping her eyes. "These are tears of happiness . . . James, I can't believe it . . . Yes. Yes, I'll marry you; yes I love you more than anything; and oh Godric, yes, I just want to be with you now!"

Somehow, they get the ring onto her finger through much kissing and laughing and crying.

"Lily?" James asks about two minutes later.

"Mm?" Her lips are chapped and flushed, her hair tousled and roped over her shoulders.

"When you said you just wanted to be with me now. . . did you mean _now_, now?" There's a wicked gleam in his eyes as he moves in to kiss her again.

Lily throws back her head and laughs, giddy from love and touches and James. "I was hoping you'd pick on that nuance," she replies, wrapping her arms around his neck as he scoops her up and carries her into the bedroom.

But with her James, even when there's been no nuance—he's always picked up on it.

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**I figured some fluffishness would be good, and it was this or the utterly ridiculous drunken!Marauders chapter I was working on on the bus this morning :P Hope you enjoyed, and reviews are always appreciated :-)**


	33. lily & mcgonagall ii

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**A little background to the idea of Lily and James working in McGonagall's classroom after hours in chapter 28. **

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_Forgive and forget:_

_September 1977_

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Lily steps into McGonagall's office, letting the door swing shut loudly behind her.

"Good afternoon, Miss Evans," her teacher says, pushing a stack of parchment to the side. "Is everything alright?"

Blowing out a breath of air, Lily sinks into the chair in front of McGonagall's desk. "I wanted to know something," she admits, picking at the fraying sleeve of her robe.

"Oh?" Professor McGonagall raises her eyebrows questioningly.

"Can you tell me why anyone in their right mind would have picked blo-James Potter for Head Boy?" Lily's voice goes from slightly tentative to fully annoyed, rising in pitch and volume. "He breaks rules and doesn't often get caught, but is caught enough that he still has more detentions than the rest of the school put together. He has a complete disregard for authority, he isn't kind and fair to everyone like the Heads should be, and you _know _we don't get along!"

McGonagall smiles wryly at the last. "Miss Evans, the whole school knows you don't get along. Regardless, Headmaster Dumbledore is of the opinion that he is what's needed to balance out your own talents, and I'd be lying if I said I disagreed with that."

Lily sighs heavily. "Can't you do something?"

"You know, despite all the scrapes he's gotten himself into—or perhaps because of them—James Potter has one of the best grasps on magic of any of our seventh years. He _is_ kind to younger students, and in recent years it's been Mr. Black more than any of the other three who earns his detentions. Just forgive and forget, Lily. And besides, he knows how to make people lighten up."

Professor McGonagall makes direct eye contact when she says that, and Lily flushes. "I do _not_ need to lighten up!" she insists, jutting out her chin.

With a slight smirk, McGonagall pulls the stack of essays back in front of her. "I said nothing about you."

Taking that to be a dismissal, Lily mutters, "Thanks," and prepares to leave. She's at the door when her teacher calls back to her:

"And, Miss Evans? It has come to my attention that the Gryffindor common room is not, perhaps, the best place to get Head business done. You and James may, therefore, have complete use of my own classroom after hours should you need a place that's more secluded."

"The noise isn't so bad, but thanks anyway," Lily replies with a defeated shrug. It's not until she's in the hallway that she understands the implications of her teacher's gift, and what else could be done in the empty classroom. Her mouth falls open and her cheeks flush; she almost turns around to say that, no, she and James most definitely do _not _want an empty classroom to themselves—but it's not like it'll be any harder to say no to James alone than with other people.

In fact, Lily thinks with begrudging satisfaction, this space could be exactly what it takes to make him forget about her. And though she's not sure what McGonagall really intended with the classroom, it doesn't matter, because there will only be scheduling, discussion, and other strictly Head duties going on in there.

She mutters that staunchly to herself. _There will._


	34. lily & the first order ii

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_It hurts:_

_Autumn 1978_

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With a shriek of rage, the last Death Eater turns on his heel and Apparates away, leaving Cardoc and a horrified Lily alone with the Muggles and their ruined house.

"Merlin . . ." she breathes, taking in the terrible wreckage. "Do you think they're okay?"

Caradoc runs a hand through his scruffy hair. "Dunno. But we'd better get in there _now_. There's Memory Charms to perform; probably the Ministry to call in—not to mention getting the family to a—what's it the Muggles call it—a hobsitol."

"Hospital," Lily corrects automatically, already hurrying towards the door dangling from one hinge. When she pushes through it she forces herself to think like a warrior; like aloof Cardoc or Moody, not like the stunned eighteen and a half year old teenager that she is. So she categorizes everything by fact: by the blackened carpets inside, and the pieces of knick knacks and picture frames lying shattered on the floor. Not by the evidence of Unforgivable Curses, and definitely not by blood stains and chunks of what looks like a person's arm.

Stomach rolling, Lily falls to her knees, dry heaving onto the carpet—the carpet that's been killed on. James had told her how gruesome it all was, but she hadn't believed him; silly Gryffindor that she was she'd decided to see for herself and enroll in the Order beside him.

It's her cause, fighting for the rights of people like her. But right now, she doesn't feel valiant or brave or like a crusader. She just feels _dirty _and _scarred_ and _violated_. Humans aren't supposed to hurt like that, not each other. Humans aren't supposed to maim and kill and _laugh_ about it. They aren't.

But Caradoc's heavy footsteps approach the house, and there's no-bloody-way she's letting him see her like this, so weak and defeated—so Lily wipes her mouth off and moves, weak kneed, to the stairs.

When she reaches the landing, a muffled crying sound coming from the left reaches her ears; she quickly walks down that hallway, ending up in what, a half-hour ago, was a child's bedroom.

"Is anyone here?" she calls, trying to sounds as gentle and unthreatening as possible.

"Mummy?" a girl whimpers. Lily rushes to the overturned armoire, levitating it as fast as she can, finally pulling the child out from under.

"It hurts," she tells Lily; pitiful, sad.

"I know it does," Lily replies softly, kneeling beside the girl and checking for broken bones. "But we must get out now, in case the bad people come back."

The girl's faced is tear streaked and dirty, her clothes ripped, but she is unbelievably lucky. Luckier than her parents, probably. Lily scoops her up—she is feather light—and hurries to the landing. It takes little more than a grim nod from Caradoc to confirm that, indeed, the other Muggles in the house are dead.

Lily doesn't know what to do. So she takes the child outside to wait for Caradoc and the Ministry and sits with her in the backyard. For a little while she asks the girl shallow questions, getting her—Heidi, she learns—to talk apprehensively about her family, year three at primary school, her first trip to the seashore last summer. But Heidi is still crying, and Lily is checking over her shoulder every few seconds for the Order's reinforcements to get here.

At last, Heidi asks the question. _"When will my mum get here?"_

Lily opens her arms, feeling the young delicate heartbeat against her own. "We came too late," she says weakly, swallowing her own tears. "We couldn't save her."

At this, the girl pulls away, choking out a long sob as fresh tears make light trails down her face. And then she shudders, breathing in deeply and planting her feet firmly in the torn-up grass. "It hurts," she says, pointing to her heart.

When Lily moves to hold her again, this time she doesn't protest.


	35. lily & james xi

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_I love you:_

_May 1978_

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"James!"

A happy, carefree, done with exams Lily hurries down the path to the lake and leaps into his arms, kissing him right on the mouth with no abandon. Sirius, Peter, and Remus grin a little, shuffle a little, and blush a little respectively before Sirius finally quips,

"This is one of those things where two's company and five's a crowd, isn't it?"

The two break apart; James replies lightly, "Well, if you really wanted I'm sure we could arrange something between the three of you . . ."

Lily chokes and swats his arm, wishing that particular image hadn't entered her head as Remus chuckles, "I'll pass, thanks." Peter looks at Sirius, then at Remus before saying with a grin to the former,

"Handsome though you are, mate, I'm with Moony."

"Oh, are you?" Sirius asks with a wicked gleam in his eye. Peter shoves at him, and the three are off in a tangle of insults and raucous laughter.

Left alone, Lily and James wander hand in hand along the lake. Other couples and groups of friends lean against trees and sprawl across the lawn as well—a trio of fourth year Hufflepuff girls have taken over the Marauder's old place, but Lily tries not to think about that. The events of fifth year are long gone, a closed chapter to her life. So their conversation is flirty, dotted with light kisses and jokes. Lily laughs as the sun beams down on them, feeling golden and blessed and lighter than she has in weeks. The attacks and war seem far away—in this moment, all she has to focus on is James.

They've meandered halfway around the lake, now in a comfortable silence, when he laces his fingers through hers; leans down and kisses the very back of her cheek and whispers in her ear, "You're beautiful."

Struck, Lily stops, turning to face him on the narrow path as a gentle breeze teases several pieces of hair into her face. At the same time, both reach to brush away the coppery strands—their hands collide, James' following her own behind her neck. He weaves his fingers through her unraveled braid as she touches his cheek with her own hand, leans up on her tiptoes, kisses him lightly.

Here, along the lake near the end of their seventh year at Hogwarts, Lily suddenly realizes something; realizes that the fleeting thought that's been running through her mind for weeks is more than that. That it's true, and honest, and real.

"I love you," she says softly. Another strand of hair whips along her cheeks as she raises her gaze to meet James'.

He sucks in a sharp breath and holds her close, finally replying in a voice rough with emotion, "What took you so long?"

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**Another Big Moment for Lily and James. Hope it was enjoyed, and I would love any feedback!**


	36. lily & marlene ii

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**This will be really long - sorry. Firstly, this is the hardest thing I've had to write simply because it's so devastating to imagine this quote anywhere in the realms of Harry Potter, so I hope it's at least realistic, if hard to picture. And I wish I had a chapter or two with Emmeline in it to post before this, but FYI, she is one of the members of the First Order who survives the war and goes onto be in the second Order as well, where she's eventually killed before seventh year. Her husband is a complete OC.**

**Second, this tiny detail took me forever, so I want to explain it. Marlene's Patronus is, I'm fairly certain, native to North America, so I'll assume that it's possible for that to happen in the universe of Harry Potter and provide these links (sans spaces) for any of you guys from the UK or anywhere else: first, ****en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Fisher_(animal)**** is what a fisher is, and, secondly, as they're a sort of younger cousins to wolverines, here's sort of what her Patronus represents: ****www . linsdomain . com / totems / pages / wolverine . htm****. I thought the wolverine sounded too Bellatrix to use that specifically for her Patronus, so settled for an animal that would be fairly similar. Take some of the descriptions with a grain of salt.**

**Anyway, enjoy! (Although I'm not sure that's possible with this chapter . . .)**

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He . . . oh, Merlin, he . . . he killed himself last night:

_early 1979_

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A silvery black fisher suddenly appears through the doorway to Lily and James' flat, emerging through the wood as easily as if it had been water. "Marlene McKinnon," it yowls, eyes piercing into the couple. "Let me in." The two, busy on the couch attempting to read a book and tickling the bottoms of their wife's feet—Lily to the first, James to the second—are instantly alert.

"Check for intruders," James mutters instinctively as the Patronus dissolves; the cold reality is, yes, this is Marlene's animal, but there's nothing to determine that she's alone or with Order members; nothing that allows them to be certain she's not under the Dark Lord's Imperious.

Lily quickly whispers, "Homino Numerus," pointing her wand at the door; Marlene is, indeed, alone.

They unlatch the door and Marlene hurries in, eyes red rimmed as she slams it behind her harder than usual. Lily's stomach twists as she begins running through people that could be killed, places that could be terrorized; anything to make the Auror so panicked.

"Circes, Lene, what happened?" she asks, gripping James' hand tightly.

"Is the Order okay?" her husband asks gently. "The Aurors at the Ministry?"

"It's Emmy Vance's husband," Marlene tells them, jutting out her slightly trembling jaw.

"Rolen?" Lily gasps, hand flying to her throat. The man had watched his young wife join the Order begrudgingly, vehemently refusing when asked to join. A pureblood six generations back, the war had tested his morals to their core. No one had ever been positive where his loyalties lay, and, as Rolen was Marlene's age but never around, Lily and James had barely met him. They knew Emmeline well, however; she had been a year behind them in Hogwarts, a Ravenclaw prefect while they were Heads. It had been them who had asked, the year she left school, if she wanted to join.

James sucks in a breath and says almost angrily, "Will he be alright, then? Did the Dark Lord get him too?"

Marlene smiles tightly, bitterly. One hand clenches around her wand as she replies, "No. The Dark Lord didn't get him.

"You know—you know that the more Emmy got involved with the Order, the more he stayed away, didn't know what to believe."

A tear strays down the woman's cheek; shocked, Lily remembers that Marlene and Rolen were not only close in age but house mates, and prefects at the same time.

"So what happened?" James asks in his brusque Auror voice.

"He . . . oh Merlin, he . . ." Marlene takes a deep breath and forces horrible words out in a rush of breath. "He killed himself last night."

Lily is suffocating. Outright murder by the Dark Lord's men is one thing; she understands that, how it happens. But someone taking their own life, doing He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's work for him . . .

James wraps his arm around her waist, and with his other hand grips Marlene's. The three cling to each other, because there's nothing else they can do right now. Emmy is seared into their vision, gentle Emmeline of the corn-silk hair and slightly beaked nose. And Rolen, always content to sit and smile and watch, smiling at his wife, evading questions with soft answers—Rolen, who is monstrously gone.

This internal enemy that took Rolen is something Lily doesn't know. Nor does James, nor even Marlene for all her worldliness—and that's why they stay there, huddled together to save each other.

Huddled together to keep going.


	37. lily & sirius & peter part one

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**Another mini series, this one only two parts and fairly straightforward. Enjoy :)**

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_NO! :_

_Autumn 1973_

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Lily is sitting alone by the fireplace scribbling notes for her fourth year Arithmancy homework when suddenly two shadows fall across the page: one tall and lanky, the other short and stocky. She glances up, annoyed to find Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew grinning identically at her.

"Yes?" she asks shortly.

"Here's the thing, Evans," Sirius says distastefully. "James likes you. And, however iffy our own feelings may be for you, he's our best mate, so we'd like you to give him a chance."

Lily snorts. "Don't be thick, Black. I'd never date Potter."

Peter sighs. "Told you," he mutters out of the corner of his mouth to Sirius. Lily, however, glares at both of them until they fidget a little, then begin to sidle away. But from across the common room she sees James waving his hands frantically at them to go back to her, as a red Remus bows his head studiously low over his papers.

"Um . . ." Peter stutters for a moment. "Reasons to say yes. Well, he's . . . he's fun! Never a dull moment with our James!"

"No," Lily replies in a surprisingly reasonable tone.

"He has great hair!" Sirius points out, flipping his own unbrushed mop over his shoulder. Lily chuckles.

"Ri-ight," she drawls. "No."

Peter grins broadly. "He's oh-so-handome!"

"You guys," she forces through gritted teeth, "Are really trying my patience."

"Best of all," Sirius crows, "You get me 'n Peter 'n Remus as best friends by association!"

Lily's eyes widen. "Okay, that is _enough_!" she yells, standing bolt upright and sending her Arithmancy books crashing to the floor. "NO I will not date Potter; NO I do not think he's fun; NO I do not think he has great hair; NO I do not think he's handsome; and _NO_! I do _not_ want you guys as friends by association!"

Across the common room, she hears James coughing and sputtering; sees Remus, from the corner of her eye, hastily patting his friend on the back. "Well," Sirius says, looking a little taken aback, "I guess that's that, then." He glances nervously at Lily. "We'll, ah, be going to tell Pro-James, now."

"Like that's necessary!" Peter mutters, following Sirius away. Lily stoops and begins to collect her Arithmancy papers, all blinding anger and excruciating embarrassment and _bloody Merlin Sirius and Peter I hate you and James and even Remus_.

And without bothering to set her things in order, Lily, aware of all four boys' eyes on her, stands ramrod straight and sweeps away. Unforgiving.


	38. lily & remus ii part two

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_Leave. Me. Alone:_

_Autumn 1973_

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Lily's feet pound audibly along the flagstones as she hurries from Gryffindor Tower to the center courtyard. There she wraps herself around a column; holds onto it as tight as she can and stares up at the stars, which have suddenly gone fuzzy from tears.

No one's ever _actually_ asked her out before. Not in a 'will you be my girlfriend' way, at least. Now Potter had to do it—no, had to get _Pettigrew_ and _Black_ to do it—and it was so completely not what she'd wanted; so horrid and awkward and _bloody Merlin Potter I though you were more mature than that, but you weren't even smart enough to delegate Remus to do the asking_!

Just as she considers that, a second set of footsteps begin to clomp along the flagstones. Assuming it's one of the four, she turns her face away, shielding it with the column. "Leave. Me. Alone." she mutters, gritting her teeth to keep from sobbing.

"No," replies the boy, and this time its Remus; gentle Remus who wouldn't hurt a fly, and wouldn't ever go against his friends.

"Potter send you?" she asks bitterly.

"No!" He pauses. "Well, yes, but I would've come anyway. Just because my friends are oblivious about girl's feelings doesn't mean I am. At least not all the time."

Lily's mouth curls up at his attempt at humor, but she grips the column even tighter. "Well, I'm _not_ going out with him."

"That's fine," Remus says. "He just sent me—well, to make sure you're okay."

"What? Pettigrew and Black weren't good enough for that?" Both fourteen year olds chuckle softly, and Lily's thankful for small mercies.

"You know," Remus says seriously, "He is smarter than that. And I know you don't like him, and I don't blame you for not going out with him—I tried to talk him out of this—but he really is a good guy, Lily."

Lily shrugs. "I'll believe that when I see it."

"Okay," replies Remus. "That's all he can ask for." He's quiet for a minute, then says, "It's late. I'd better head back to the common room—you coming?"

Lily hastily scrubs at her eyes with the sleeve of her robe, then nods. "Yeah," she says. "On my way."

* * *

**Gah, Remus is still like pulling teeth to write after the ease of Peter and Sirius! But who can't relate to Lily, and the cold reality of how stupid guys are about asking girls out ... *sigh* ****Anyway, there's part two; hope you guys liked it!**


	39. lily & dorcas

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_Why did all this have to happen? :_

_Spring 1978_

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The atmosphere in the Great Hall on the morning of April 8, 1978 is heavy. Oppressive. Somber. Several of the teachers' faces are pinched and sad; even Slughorn looks stricken and is far from his normal jovial self. The answer to this sadness is in the post, when Dorcas' owl drops the _Prophet_ on her plate and the headline blares up at them, "Four Dead in Another Muggle Attack." Below those words shows a picture first of a smiling family—Mum, Dad, and a little boy and girl—and then, beside it, a charred house, still smoking with evidence of Dark magic. It's like nothing Lily's ever seen and, judging by the rest of the hall's reactions, like nothing they've ever seen either.

"I knew the war was heating up, but, Merlin!" Dorcas' small face is even more drawn than normal as she skims the article. "They attacked . . . a family, Lily. With a three year old son and an eight year old girl, a family who never did anything to them."

Lily glances towards the head table, at Dumbledore who is sitting straight with barely a twinkle, and at McGonagall. She hopes she's imagining the tear in her teacher's eye. "It's horrible," Lily replies in a hushed tone. "Just horrible."

Even James, Sirius, and Peter are being quiet—and Remus looks positively devastated. The whole of Gryffindor is huddled together, leaning over arms and against shoulders as they read the article. Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and even Slytherins are similarly somber—although, Lily notices with sudden dismay, several of the seventh years aren't there.

Severus isn't there.

"Why did all this have to happen?" she mutters, tears prickling behind her eyes, now not only for the Muggle family.

"I know." Dorcas nods and hugs her lean arms around herself, biting her lip. "How could anyone be so cruel?"

"You're right," Lily replies. _How could he be so cruel?_

And how could she have know him for so long—but never even suspected?


	40. lily & the marauders iii

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**Utterly ridiculous, I'm sure: I've never been drunk, never been around drunken people of this age, and was in more of a crack fic-cy mood when I wrote this. So don't expect too much realism, only, hopefully, a little entertainment :) And, the quote's in there ... just a little chunked up. Bonus points for anyone who, 1) knows the movie/play _Arsenic and Old Lace_ and, 2) gets the reference. **

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_Oh yeah, that's a great plan. Let's do that. I'm SURE that will work out well:_

_winter 1978-79_

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"Sometimes the only way is to take down an enemy is to just jump him, yanno?" James slams his fist down on the table and Lily coughs a laugh—while the four of them would consider themselves quite sober, thanks, her husband, Sirius, Peter, and Remus have had several goblets of firewhiskey each, and are completely, roaring drunk.

"'S right!" Remus, unused to alcohol and so further gone than the rest of them, slams his fist down in an imitation of James, right into the center of the plate of cake he'd abandoned for the liquor. Glad that she'd decided earlier that when it came the Marauders a little sobriety was good, Lily hastily takes the plates back to the kitchen, then the vase of flowers for good measure. She comes back to see Peter orating from his chair, saying wisely,

"'Nd if we put a sock by the window to lure him in 'n' he tripped 'n' fell over onto the butterflies, I'm sure he'd hafta be dead."

Peter's odd statement is met with much applause and back slapping by the other three, but Lily ducks back to the kitchen to hide her laughter and still hear the goings-on.

"Oh yeah, Pete, that's a great plan!" She hears the distinct sound of hair being ruffled, then a chair being scraped back. "Let's do that!" Sirius continues, footsteps progressing across the dining room as Lily sidles back in.

"Wait, I dunno," James says, as serious as he can be with a goblet of firewhiskey in one hand and a soppy grin on his face. "Maybe we should get a woman's opinon."

"Oi, Lily!" Sirius shouts.

"Shut it, arse! More like this." James clears his throat. "Oh, Lily-my-love?"

Peter sniggers, and Remus croaks, "Gonna get punched, mate.

"Yes, James-o-my heart?" Lily replies with a roll of her eyes, sarcasm undetected.

"D'ya think we could get old Voldymold wiff a dirty sock 'n' a few terrifying insects?"

_When_, wonders Lily, _Did butterflies become terrifying insects?_

"I'm _sure_ that will work out well," she says, voice dripping in irony that goes straight over her boys' heads.

"She agrees! Get 'im!" Remus shouts, raising his head from the table and looking a bit more alert. Sirius yells happily and grabs Remus, then starts to grab him to the stairs, calling,

"Charge the blockhouse!" Both run upstairs, followed closely by James and Peter, muttering something about butterfly nets and Sirius's shoe.

And Lily? She rights Remus' knocked over chair and laughs until she cries, wishing she had a picture or several to show them in the morning.

(A loud crash comes from upstairs, and she stops laughing rather quickly.)


	41. lily & caradoc ii

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_I've been here waiting:_

_Summer 1978_

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"Oh bloody Merlin, I'm going to be late—James!" Lily calls irritatedly, "What have you done with my left shoe?"

"How should I know?" he grumbles, coming into the kitchen still bathrobe clad. "Over there, by the door."

"Great, thanks. bye," she calls, pecking him on the lips while stuffing her foot into the shoe. She then runs out the door, turns on her heel in the deserted hallway outside his flat, and Apparates into Diagon Alley.

Alastor had told her that one of the senior Order members would be there today—as Lily had no formal Defense training, she was to be assigned a temporary mentor until she got her bearings during battles. And indeed, almost as soon as she lands on the street outside Eeylops, a man who looks to be thirty or so, but with several small scars and scruffy hair, walks towards her.

"Evans?" he asks gruffly. Lily nods, beginning to stammer an apology for being late.

"Doesn't matter," he mutters. "Not this time. But I've been here waiting, and if this was a real assignment, it could've been disastrous if you weren't here on time. Please be prompt in the future."

Lily gulps and nods, thinking that if this is what her mentor's like, training under Moody would have been about the same.

In some ways, she later learns, this is absolutely correct. Caradoc doesn't take no for an answer, he constantly surprises her with his gruffness, and she only pleases him when she's certain she's failed. His tone is often brusque and clipped; he praises her with a word and denounces her with several.

But he looks at her with uncharacteristic sympathy when the reality of fighting hits her, and he turns discreetly away when she can't take it anymore. He offers little chunks of wisdom, carefully veiled in harshness, and she couldn't have asked for a better mentor. Not in a thousand wars.

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**First impressions are always important. Except when you guys have had a few other impressions already ... anyway, hope you enjoyed :-)**


	42. lily & james xii

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_Good, now say that ten times fast:_

_February 1978_

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"Lily, I have something to show you." James appears in front of her when classes let out, bouncing on the balls of his feet and grinning from ear to ear. A smile spreads unbidden across her face, a byproduct of James' own infectious joy.

"What?" Lily asks, shifting her schoolbag to the other shoulder.

"Come on!" James grabs her hand unthinkingly, and she allows herself to run after him. Her bag thumping at her hip cries to Lily how wrong, how wrong, how very wrong this is—but her heart thumping in her chest and the way her cheeks are flushed prove that maybe this isn't so wrong, because it just feels so right.

"Where are we going?" she finally calls to him.

"Somewhere incredible," he replies, and she doesn't ask anything else. Finally they end up in a seventh floor corridor beside a large tapestry of a very short man shouting at several very large trolls in tutus.

"Baranabus the Barmy," she reads from the inscription, looking up in bemusement at James. "Banished by Balthasar the Battered because ballet became baboons better."

"Good," James says with a laugh, "Now say that ten times fast."

Lily glares at him. "That's not why you brought me here, is it?"

"No, no. There's a reason other than listening to you twist your tongue into a knot."

"Yes?" She looks suspiciously at the empty corridor.

"Will you . . . walk with me a while?" James takes her arm and strolls with Lily away from the portrait.

_Great,_ she thinks. _Another dumb proposal I'll have to say no to._

James suddenly turns and drags her the other way.

"Wha—Potter, what are you _doing_?" Lily cries.

"Trust me," he mutters, switching directions again. "That should do it . . . ah-ha!"

A door opens in the wall; James holds it out for her with a flourish.

"Where—?" Lily gives James an incredulous smile before stepping in. He follows her, winding up a short staircase.

"This," he explains, "Is the Room of Requirement, Lily."

"Well, what is it?" she asks quizzically.

James takes her schoolbag, hand brushing along her back just lightly enough that she gets shivers down her spine. "Whatever you want it to be."


	43. lily & severus v

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**This is a continuation to chapter 39, the one with the newspaper article about the Muggle attacks. More of a Severus point of view; I felt like he had to explain this one himself . . .**

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_Please tell me it's a lie:_

_April 8, 1987_

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"Severus."

Her tone stops him cold in the hallway. It's Lily saying his name, calling to him like he's imagined she would for years now—but he turns around and she's angry, coming towards him practically crying and holding a page of the _Prophet _in front of her, a barrier between them.

"You did this," she says, not questioning him. Just telling.

"Lily?" Severus reaches for the paper—his hand brushes her's and his heart skips a beat, but she yanks her own away. And then he sees the article. Sees the house, and how charred and ruined it is, and sees that all four Muggles are dead.

"You weren't here this morning," she says. "Not you or Mulciber or Crabbe or any of your crowd. You were there last night, weren't you?"

"No . . ." Severus reaches towards her, but she jerks out of reach.

"It's all over the school, Severus. And it doesn't take a genius to know . . ." Lily's crying in earnest now, standing facing away from the other students going to classes. "Please tell me it's a lie," she half whispers. "I didn't want to believe it . . . you're better than that, Sev. You can change. I know you can."

He scrubs one hand down his face, words scrambling in his brain about how he didn't mean to do it and because it was all because he didn't have her anymore and none of this was his fault because, oh Merlin, he never meant to kill anyone. And then, like they have a way of doing, the worst ones come out. "You should love me for who I am," he says, and Lily reels backwards like she's been slapped.

"How could I, _James_?" she replies, ice cold. "There's nothing to love."

"No . . . oh, no, that's not what I meant; I didn't mean it like that. Lily!" Severus chases her down the hall, but the fates are against him, for she weaves through students effortlessly while he bounces into bags, gets shoved against walls, and loses her again.

Except this time, he never had her.


	44. lily & severus vi

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_Are you happy now? It worked:_

_summer 1969_

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"Will you teach me to do that, Sev?" Lily asks, pumping harder and harder on the swing as Severus sits cross legged on the ground, singeing little blades of grass with smoke from his fingers.

"Lily, I'm not supposed to be doing it," he replies matter of factly. "Not on purpose, anyway."

She laughs. "Well, why don't you stop?"

"Oh, they don't know." He points at another blade of grass, then stands up, Lily giggling at the dirt and grass stains on his knees and elbows. "Fine, I'll show you."

Lily pumps higher and higher until the chains slacken at their peak. Then she lets go and flies; over the mulch, over Severus, until she bumps to the ground several feet into the grass.

Severus scowls at her. "Stop fooling around and just concentrate, Lily. That's all it takes." They kneel in the grass together, him charring little blades into a star shape. Enchanted, she grits her teeth and manages to make one go grey.

"Happy now, Lily?" he asks with a hint of a smile. "It worked."

She grins widely back at him and crouches over towards the ground, drawing a heart beside Severus' star. Severus retaliates with a circle, and Lily makes a smaller circle inside of Sev's. They go on like that for hours, Lily for the first time honestly and truly believing that maybe, just maybe, when it comes time next year for Hogwarts, she'll fit in. She'll be able to do magic and make potions just like any other student at the school. Already, she can make them just as good as Sev.

They shriek with laughter as the grey grass around them multiplies, giving way to geometric designs and letters and swirls and even whole words. And then it's all melted together and Lily and Severus are in the middle, lying back tired and happy. Just a wizard and witch, making magic.

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**Aaaaaand, insert highly cheesy and slightly double meaning-ed ending! Figured it was time for Lily to go back to her childhood, though :)**


	45. lily & sirius v

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_I can't help it . . . :_

_March-April 1978_

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"Sirius!" Lily hisses.

He jumps, giving a little cry and ruining the way his hair had been artfully tousled across his brow.

"_What _are you doing?" she asks, glaring at him in a dare to say the truth; that he'd really been showing off for her best friend.

"I can't help it," he says, leaning back in the chair and arching his spine, stretching like a cat. "I'm just a natural poser, I guess."

"Natural poser, my arse," Lily replies, scrunching up her nose. "Whatever you're doing to Dorcas, I want you to stop."

"What?" Sirius' surprise is almost genuine as his eyes dart across the common room to where the dark haired girl is stretched before the fire, scribbling at a Transfigurations essay. "You think—? Evans, that's ridiculous."

Lily raises her eyebrows. "You know, the entire student body is not as heartless as you are and, believe it or not, most of them have feelings too. Most of them assume that, when an attractive boy such as yourself drapes himself across a chair like that for maximum eye contact, that boy has an interest in the girl he's near."

Sirius crosses his arms over his chest. "You think I've got my eye on Dorcas?"

She scowls. "In the metaphorical and literal sense, both."

"Well then, Lily. Aren't you presumptuous."

"Yes. I am."

Lily and Sirius sit there at odds for several seconds, neither blinking or moving from the eye lock.

"I'll go ask James," she mutters finally. "Get some bloody answers or something. And you, you'd better just sit there like a good little Gryffindor."

"Good little Gryffindor? _Me_?" Sirius grins archly at her, lazy spirit returned. "Rem's over on the couch if you're looking for him."

"I'm mad at you," Lily reminds the Black, but she's chuckling as she stomps away. He does have that effect on people.

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***ducks rotten tomatoes* I SO did not mean to start that cliche of Sirius falling for Lily's best friend! And, promise, he won't. But Lily started hissing at him, and Dorcas just got in his way ... **

**If you want to read a little bit more about Sirius and Dorcas, though, I just published a oneshot, _Unplanned_, about seven of Sirius' kisses. Dorcas is one, and Marlene's in there too.**


	46. lily & james xiii

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**Because even once Lily and James were in love, things weren't all sunshine and roses.**

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_Honestly, do you get stupider every day? :_

_February 1979_

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James is sitting with his feet draped across the living room sofa, angry and wallowing in it. Lily knows he's going stir crazy, trapped in Godric's Hollow for who knows how long, but there's nothing she can do about it. Besides, she's angry too, because lately it seems that her husband thinks because _she's _the one carrying their baby, she has no right to wish to get away too; thinks that she should be content here, cooped up in six rooms and slowly going mad.

"Can't you come in here and help with the dishes?" she finally calls, angry and showing it in her voice.

"No, I bloody well can't!" James replies. Lily hears the creak of the couch as he stretches himself across it comfortably.

"Really?" She snaps her dishtowel and dares him to argue.

"Yes, really. Aren't you supposed to do the dishes anyway?"

"Why, because I'm the woman?" Her tone is more heated now, and her eyes are prickling with the beginnings of defiant tears. "Because I'm the woman, I should be a good little wife and clean up after you?"

"That's the general idea." Now she knows he's being offhand just because it'll get her. And, oh Merlin, it does.

"We're not in the dark ages anymore! Women aren't house elves!" she shouts, stomping into the living room. "Honestly, do you get stupider every day?"

"No, I just get more cramped and annoyed!" James retorts, swinging his legs off the sofa and standing up. "And you know, Lily, like it or not, we _are _in the dark ages again."

"The Dark Lord!" she shouts, swiping tears away. "It's different. I married you because, however goofy and weird and low key you might be, you love me and—"

"And, what? Do your housework?" James is in full blown shouting mode now too, face red and eyes blazing. "Well, I'm not _your _house elf."

"And _I'm_ not _your's_!" Damn hormones, get her every time the slightest thing happens, and now, oh Merlin, she can't stop crying.

"Lily . . ." James is torn between his anger and his desire to see her not sobbing. "Lily, I didn't mean it like that!"

She glares at him. "What way did you mean it, James?"

He takes her in his arms, holding her close when she draws away. "The way that doesn't hurt you. The way that I'm a selfish brat who always had a mother and a house elf. The way that I'm sorry."

"James . . ." And she cries and cries, and suddenly nothing is about domestic quarrels anymore. It's about the turn their life has taken; how suddenly they're little more than a chess piece in the great scheme of things. It's about how their child will always have this destiny attached to him, and how nothing will ever be the way it was in Hogwarts when they were young and madly in love. The war has aged them hundreds of years, drained them of everything they knew Before.

"I'm sorry too," she whispers, but James already knows.


	47. lily & emmeline part i

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_I don't have time! :_

_October-November 1977_

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"Hey, Lily?"

Lily turns around to see sixth year Emmeline Vance stepping cautiously towards her. "Hi Em," she says, smiling at the girl, one of the prefects to her Head. "What's up?"

Emmeline tosses her yellow curls behind her shoulders, a defiant motion that somehow seems to accentuate a certain sorrow in her eyes. "I was wondering . . . you must be busy with Head stuff. Do you want me to help you some evenings?"

"I don't need—" starts Lily, but the other girl's mouth twists, and Lily knows there's more to Emmeline than wanting to impress her. So she smiles gently. "That would be great."

Letting out a relieved breath, Emmeline seems to not know what to say next. "Um . . . can I do anything tonight?" she finally asks.

"I don't have time!" Lily laughs. "Next year, beware of taking NEWT level Potions, Transfiguration, Charms. Anything, really. I bet Muggle Studies would be hard too, and I am one! Muggle born, I mean."

Emmeline looks like she's about to burst into tears. "Me too," she whispers, mouth turning down a little. "I'm Muggle born too." And suddenly, Lily's heart goes out to the unhappy girl—and she wants to find out what's wrong.

"You know, if you wanted, we could meet in McGonagall's room later, I have to write up some plans for the meeting next week. It would be nice to have someone else's input."

"Someone other than James?" Emmeline asks with an edge of laughter and knowledge to her voice, beginning to look not so downtrodden.

Lily grins back at her. "Exactly."

They walk a little ways further down the hallway, Emmeline stammering a little and giggling a lot, and Lily enjoying the other girl's company a surprising amount. That's why she's horrified to see that, when they part ways at the fork leading to the dungeons and Emmeline doesn't know Lily's looking back, she draws her bag a little tighter around herself, hunches her shoulders in, and swipes her hand across her face. Almost like she's crying. And Lily has no idea why.

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**Blah, this is more rambling self insertion than anything. There will definitely be a follow up, however. The Emmeline Vance here, BTW, is the same as Emmy in chapter 36 with the "he killed himself" quote, although that chapter has absolutely no relevance to this one.**


	48. lily & emmeline ii part ii

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**You guys are the best readers ever: even when I completely confused almost everyone last chapter, you were still encouraging and just plain awesome :) So here's a follow up that will hopefully shed some light on Emmeline's actions (and if you go back after reading this, hopefully my vague foreshadowing will be a little more obvious). Anyway, on with the show!**

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_Please don't tell anyone:_

_September-October 1977_

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Despite a brush with James where she barely convinces him that she _really _doesn't need him tonight and Peeves' less than ingenious attempt to trick her up the switching staircase, Lily makes it to McGonagall's room before Emmeline does. But the younger girl, coming from the fairly close Ravenclaw Tower, isn't far behind.

"Hey, thanks for the help," Lily says as Emmeline enters quietly. Emmeline smiles at her.

"Anytime," she replies, sliding into a seat across from Lily and bowing her head to look at the few papers Lily pulled out to review.

"You know—" Lily pauses, unsure of what to say. She doesn't know Emmeline very well, only that she's soft spoken, intelligent, and, as she found out yesterday, Muggleborn.

Emmy looks up from the paper. "Mm-hm?"

"You just seemed a little down yesterday," Lily tells her uncomfortably. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Oh." Emmeline bites her lip. "I guess so."

"You sure?"

Emmeline doesn't reply, and Lily keeps talking. "You know, my sister . . . she's not like me. She's not a witch, and she hates that I am one. She hates me now, because of who I am, but I . . . I don't hate her at all. I just hate that she hates me."

"That's really horrible," Emmeline says softly. "I never knew."

"I don't talk about her much," Lily says, shrugging slightly. It's true: Dorcas knows about the rift between Lily and Petunia—Dorcas knows almost everything. But beyond her, Remus, so maybe James, and that's all. It's better that way; she doesn't want pity for herself or scorn for her sister. But Emmeline is showing neither, and Lily loves her for it.

"I'm an only child," Emmeline says after a few seconds. "My parents were so proud when I got accepted to Hogwarts—nervous, a little unsure, but really proud. But now the war's getting bad enough that even Muggles know, that even my parents know, and they don't think I should be at Hogwarts anymore. In every letter I get from them, they're begging me to come home, and now . . ." Like yesterday, Emmeline's eyes glimmer with tears. "Please don't tell anyone, Lily, but if you think Slytherins are prejudiced, try staying in the Ravenclaw common room for a few days."

"Oh." Lily makes a small noise of sympathy, hand unconsciously moving slightly across the table towards the younger girl.

"It's the ones from old, stuffy Pureblood families mostly," Emmeline continues. "The Macmillan boys, Renilia Jones, just people like them at first. But now, they've taunted me until the whole house thinks that's just how things are. And . . . and no one treats me like a Prefect or even like a person. Not even the people in my year, the ones I've known since Sorting."

"Wow." Lily shudders, realizing how lucky she has it in Gryffindor with Dorcas and James and all his friends, none of whom, however irritating they may be, have shown any sign of blood prejudice. Even Sirius doesn't care about things like that. A thought suddenly strikes her. "But you're not—you're not thinking of leaving, like your parents want you to, are you?"

Emmy bites her lip. "I just don't know. Everyone's telling me I should be someone else, do what I don't want to, and I just . . . I don't know what to do anymore."

"Whatever feels right to you." Lily meets Emmeline's gaze directly. "But if anyone gives you trouble, hex the pants off them. And don't let them know they got to you."

"Does that really help?"

Lily thinks of Severus. "No," she replies simply. "But it makes it bearable."

Tears are shed later, and much later, laughter comes as conversation moves on to lighter topics. And there, right at McGonagall's desk, an odd, perfect friendship begins.


	49. lily & dumbledore ii

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**This is probably the quietest Lily's ever been in a chapter ;) Hope you guys like it!**

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_For Jed52_

_This is our only chance:_

_late spring, 1978_

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"We want to help." Lily, James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius stand in a row in front of Dumbledore's desk. "In the fight against the Dark Lord."

The headmaster raises his eyebrows ever so slightly, looking otherwise unruffled. "At only sixteen?" he questions.

"We're above age," James points out.

"And we know you need recruits," Remus adds softly, "With all the people the dark side's getting this year."

Lily clenches her fists and focuses on Mulciber, Macnair, and Nott, doing her best not to think about another recruit, one who should be here with her and Dorcas and the boys, ready to fight with them. Not to fight on the opposing team.

Dumbledore's voice cuts into her thoughts. "Now what do you think recruits would be used for? And why come to me at all?"

The group meets eyes down the line, and finally Dorcas half whispers, "The Order of the Phoenix, sir. And aren't you the leader?"

"Ah." Dumbledore steeples his hands together, half smiling at her. "Of course: Turon Meadowes' cousin."

She nods, suddenly earnest. "He only told me because we're close. He wouldn't tell anyone else, professor, didn't even tell his parents he was joining."

"I have no doubt," Dumbledore replies. "Your cousin is one of the best on our intelligence team." Dorcas flushes with pride at that and steps back level with the other five.

"But," he continues, "I must ask each of you, in turn, to _not_ spread word of the Order around."

"So you'll let us in?" James asks, practically bounding into the air.

Something in Dumbledore's eyes darkens, and he sighs, but nods. "Come to me when your NEWTS are over and your career here is done. Then we can talk about the Order again." He gestures with his head to the door, making it clear that he's done discussing it, and the six walk to the door, each with separate dreams of brave battles and heroics.

"This is our chance," Sirius says with a grin once they're on the staircase back down. "Our only chance to make history and be great, because of what _we've_ done. I can't wait!"

And neither can anyone else. Because they're young and have dreams of bringing down the Dark Lord; of setting the wizarding world to right again, each envisions glamorous spellwork that twists through his men and allows their side to be the victor. As far as they know, that's how war is.

Even Dumbledore isn't ready for them to learn the truth just yet.


	50. lily & harry

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**Holy cow, fifty chapters & halfway there! I honestly don't know how I got this far, but to everybody who's favorited or alerted me and especially my wonderful reviewers, thanks a billion. I never would have gotten this far without you guys.**

**Now for the other half . . .**

**(Language warning for this chapter. Very naughty word, but only once.)**

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_I'm pregnant:_

_December 1979_

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The end of her wand glowed pink. _Impossible,_ was Lily's first thought. She was nineteen years old. There was a war on, and she was fighting in it. Her husband was fighting, and so was everyone else close to them. Nowhere did this fit into the equation.

But pregnancy charms don't lie.

"Fu-uck," was Lily's first word, drawn out and disbelieving. A tear was her first reaction, just one, spiraling down her cheek. How could she and James bring a child up _now_, when everything was so uncertain?

_(How could they not?)_

"I'm pregnant," she whispered, trying the words out. "I'm pregnant."

The bathroom walls stared back at her, unsympathetic.

"Pregnant." And she laid her hand against her flat stomach, muscled from months of twisting through battles. "I'm sorry, baby," she said quietly. "Your father and I probably shouldn't have started this right now."

Silence ate at her. The only sound in the room was her harsh breathing and the occasional drip form her leaky tap.

"Really, really sorry," she continued lamely, several more tears trickling across her face. She wished James would get home. "I promise, you won't even know there's a war on, that's how safe we'll keep you. You'll never be in danger, and when the war ends, we'll be a real family then."

Lily was nineteen. Not even an adult yet, not really. Certainly not a mother.

"I'm pregnant," she whispered again, and tried to make herself believe it.


	51. lily & sirius & bellatrix

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**Lan-guage!**

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_I swear I'll kill you:_

_spring 1978_

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There's a woman stalking down the hallway with wild black hair and short black robes, and Lily, heading away from the Potions classroom with the boys, has never seen Sirius look anything as furious, terrified, and something almost feral that she can't name as he does now. He glares ferociously at the woman, stepping forward angrily and pulling out his wand.

"Can it be—my little cousin?" The woman has a taunting, lilting voice as she smirks at Sirius. Suddenly Lily understands why he disowned his family.

"Come any closer to my friends, Bellatrix _Black_," he spits, "And I swear I'll kill you."

The dark haired woman laughs, licking her lips and leaving her own wand pointedly in her belt. "With all these witnesses, Siri?" She leaves the last syllable hanging mockingly. "You'd be carted off to—Azkaban."

James, Remus, and Peter lunge for Sirius' arms in an attempt to keep him from hexing his cousin then and there, but he shakes them off angrily, crying, "You don't understand what it's like for your whole family to have this huge chip on their shoulder against you like this!"

Bellatrix smirks. "Feeling remorseful, cousin?"

"Never," he replies, pulling back his wand. "C—"

"_What_is going on here?" McGonagall hurries down the hallway, lips pursed as she glances from Bellatrix to Sirius. "Ms. Black, I believe I recall you graduating _several _years ago; is there a reason for your being in Hogwarts now?"

Bellatrix gives the professor a look to match the one Sirius is giving her. "I'm here to speak to Horace Slughorn, as a matter of fact. These children accosted me on my way."

"I'll accost you!" Sirius raises his wand again, but McGonagall's terse glare stops him cold.

"She accosted Sirius, if anything!" Lily retorts angrily, speaking up for the first time. Bellatrix sneers at her, then turns on her heel and sets off down the hallway. McGonagall begins to stalk after Bellatrix, but turns around first and touches her hand to Sirius' shoulder in uncharacteristic affection.

"Headmaster Dumbledore or I will speak to you later," she tells him softly, and then her wand is out and Lily would have no desire to be between her professor and Bellatrix at this moment.

"Bellatrix is fucking mental," Sirius mutters, kicking at the floor and watching the two women exchange heated words further down the hall. "My whole family is fucking mental. How the hell did they get me?"

For once neither Lily nor Remus reprimands him for language; instead, she and James move to one side of him and Peter and Remus to the other. The four of them keep him between them like that as they walk to class, protecting him in the only way they can from his cousin and family and the twisted world that somehow brought about Sirius Black.

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**Hopefully Bellatrix was in character and wasn't too random - the idea was, she was in Hogwarts to work on recruiting Slughorn for the Dark Lord's side. (lol, it's bad when I'm so used to not being able to use his name that I don't even in A/N's!) The spell Sirius was about to use is open for interpretation.**


	52. lily & peter

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**A long overdue chapter, in both dedication and character. It couldn't seem to decide if it wanted to be fluffy or serious, so it's sort of a mix. Suffy. Or ferious.**

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_For Unanimously Anonymous -_

_What's that? :_

_early December, 1980_

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As the sun sinks over the hills on the horizon and shadows slowly begin to creep into the room, Lily is at the sink at Godric's Hollow, beginning to wash dinner dishes. James had invited the other Marauders to come for the meal, then go to the Order meeting with afterwards. The Marauders were virtually the only people they saw at home, and Order meetings were the only time James was able to get out of the house—and even then, Moody and Dumbledore made sure he had copious amounts of spells and protection. So all in all, Lily was grateful for both distractions; they were all that kept James from going stir-crazy.

A couple minutes ago James, Sirius, and Remus had gone to the meeting, but Peter was pale and drawn that night. He'd begged going home to his own flat, but the other three had told him if he really didn't want to go, he could stay here and be a help to Lily, then be filled in on the meeting when they got home.

So there he stayed, now sitting on the floor in the living room with four month old Harry. Lily squirts soap across a large platter the Muggle way and amuses herself by listening to Peter's monologue with her son.

"What a cute wittle boy we are!" Peter says in a sing song falsetto. Lily has to stifle a laugh; maybe her son is a cute 'wittle' boy, but the Marauder most definitely is not.

"You want a bounce? A nice high bounce? Whee!"

Lily can hear Harry's gurgling and Peter's laughter—really, he sounds happier than she's heard him in weeks. "Having fun?" she calls, poking her head in with a tender smile.

"Yes we are," Peter replies, still in a falsetto as he bounces Harry on his knee. "Yes we—ugh!" He lifts the baby away and wrinkles his nose. "What's that?" he asks in a disgusted man-voice.

Lily giggles and turns back to the kitchen. "You're a smart boy, I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"Lily, wait!" Peter calls plaintively. "Lily, I think he . . . did something. And it's _bad_."

"Well, what are you going to do about it?" She just loves watching her husband's friends squirm.

"Me?" Peter squeaks, and Lily takes pity on him and lets him hand Harry to her. (Peter is right. It is bad.)

"You know, you better hope that whatever girl you've been out fooling around with doesn't want any babies."

"Girl?" Peter asks.

Lily looks at him funny. "That's why you haven't been around much, isn't it? James thought so, anyway."

"Oh, that girl." He turns bright red. "Right, well, I wasn't about to tell all the Marauders about it yet. It's not too serious."

"That's okay, I won't tell a soul," Lily replies with a grin. "Cross my heart. Hope to die."


	53. lily & james ixv

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**Not sure where this fits into the grand scheme of L/J, other than sometime in the first months of their relationship . . . hope it's enjoyed, though :)**

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Maybe we're not meant for one another:

_Spring 1978_

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"Maybe we're not meant for each other, Lily." James is staring into the distance, clutching his wand so hard his knuckles are white.

"What?" She jumps to her feet and leans into him, rubbing his shoulder as his muscles tense. "Bloody arsehole," Lily mutters. "You finally get the girl, and now you don't want her?"

"No!" James blinks several times. "I want you more than anything, Lily. But . . . I might be wrong."

Lily laughs, even as her heart falls to the floor. "When is James Potter ever wrong?" she tries to tease him.

"When the girl is a spitfire who doesn't love him no matter what he does."

"Says who?" demands Lily. "I happen to like you very much by now."

"Do you really?" She's never seen him so dejected.

"Of course I do, stupid." Lily takes his hand and squeezes it. "I like you like this." She leans closer against him and kisses his cheek. "Like this." Moves slightly lower to the very top of his neck. "Like this." And finally makes it to his lips. "And a whole lot like this."

She pulls away from him then, Lily-fire in her eyes. "Convince you?"

James can't keep the grin away. "A little."


	54. lily & mcgonagall iii

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**I realized that Lily must have at least made plans for some sort of profession before marrigage and Harry and all. And by fifth year, the war would be bad enough and I think she'd be passionate enough about the cause to realize that maybe, she could make a difference.**

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Please help me:

_spring 1976_

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Professor McGonagall smiles at Lily as she enters her office for fifth year career counseling.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Evans," she says, gesturing to the chair on the other side of the desk. "How are you today?"

"Fine, thanks," Lily replies politely. "How are you?"

McGonagall nods. "Good," she replies, then gets down to business. "Have you given any thought to what you want to do after Hogwarts?"

"Mm . . ." Lily purses her lips. "Sort of. I know I want to help with—" Embarrassed, she looks down at her lap. "Help with the war somehow."

McGonagall looks intensely proud at that moment, but remains offhand in speech. "As an Auror? Or something more behind the scenes?"

"See, that's what I'm not sure of," Lily says, frowning. "I don't think I could be an Auror. Not a really good one, anyway. I'm not that great at Defense Against the Dark Arts, and duels . . . make me nervous."

"So not an Auror then." McGonagall replies decisively. "Some sort of spell breaker or developer?"

"But then I'd be utterly useless to the actual battles," Lily points out. When her friends are out there fighting, she wants to be there with them. "I was thinking, maybe I'd like to learn healing."

"Ah." Lily doesn't think she's ever seen her teacher look more delighted. "You have the grades for it," McGonagall tells her, flipping through several transcripts. "Make sure to keep up in Charms and Herbology especially, although Defense and Transfiguration will both be vital to individual cases you might see at Saint Mungo's."

"What if . . ." Lily is tentative, feeling bad for changing all of her teacher's ideas around. "What if I learned to be a sort of battlefield healer? Like, quick spells to work as counter curses, heal wounds, that kind of thing. And then after He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, maybe then I could work more at the hospital and learn that healing too."

"That sounds like a wonderful plan, Ms. Evans." McGonagall smiles warmly at her. "I'll see what I can do about talking to some of my ex students who've gone onto the healing fields; maybe there's an internship somewhere you could do. One of my favorite students, a young man named Benjy Fenwick, works in the Spell Damage section at Saint Mungo's. Do you want me to talk to him?"

Lily grins. "Please, help me any way you can. That sounds fantastic."

"Alright; I'll see what I can do." McGonagall stands up and walks Lily out. "Thanks for your time, Ms. Evans."

"Thank _you_." And Lily walks out, not just Lily Evans, but Lily almost the Healer.

* * *


	55. lily and james xv part one

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**Will come in two parts, and the second quote is "Bloody hell, yes!", if that gives you any clue to it's nature ;) Hope the fluffiness is enjoyed!**

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_Are you kidding? No! :_

_March 31, 1978_

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Energetic with the new relationship, it's hard for Lily and James to wind down enough and realize that no matter how much fun they may be having on the couch in the empty common room, they really have to work out a patrol schedule for April, which begins tomorrow.

"Here's an idea," James says hopefully, lacing his fingers through hers. "I'll teach you about the art of procrastination while we're in there."

Lily raises her eyebrows. "James, I shudder to think about the methods you might have of procrastination."

"Oh, they're really quite simple," he tells her. "Number one, hole ourselves up in McGonagall's classroom tonight. Number two, snog each other's brains out."

"Are you kidding?" Lily chokes, caught between a laugh and a gasp.

"Not really."

"No!"

"Really?"

"_Yes_!"

"Why?"

"_James_," Lily forces, still between giggling and being scandalized, "It's McGonagall's room. She teaches in there. Every day. She grades papers in there, and does spells, and we sit there and, ugh, she'd find out somehow!"

"Oh, Minnie will understand."

She glares at him. "Minnie might, but I'm sure Professor McGonagall wouldn't. And I don't know any Minnie, so unless you want to go snog Sirius, you're out of luck."

"But Sirius is busy trying to get Moony to write his Charms essay for him!" James whines. "So since they're together and Peter's got detention, you're my only option."

"Schedules first," Lily tells him firmly. "Maybe we'll try a little procrastination later."


	56. lily & james xvi part two

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_Bloody hell, yes:_

_May 1978_

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"Lil-ly," James groans. There's two weeks left in term, and she's insisting that they make sure that there's enough underclass prefects patrolling the last few nights that seventh years don't have to worry about it. His and her ideas of what to do with the time they have left are very different. "We don't need to do this now. Can we try something a little more . . . fun?"

She gives him a McGonagall-esque look, and, as she's sitting in that very teacher's chair, James gets a vivid image of her several years from now, Professor McGongall junior.

"Please?" he wheedles, kneeling beside her with hands clasped. "With a cherry and splash of Firewhiskey on top?" He ignores the possibility that McGonagall might have warded the room for suggestions like this—after all, she gave Lily the room and practically bloody _begged_ her to use it with him in a non professional sense.

Lily pointedly ignores him, and _very_ pointedly bites her lips gently until they redden, then runs her tongue slowly along the upper one in "concentration".

"That's not funny!" James pouts.

"You're like a little kid," Lily says with a small grin, setting the quill down with a flourish. "And I'm done, no thanks to you."

"I provided the necessary entertainment," James reminds her.

"Oh, is _that_ what all that noise was?" She laughs and caps the ink bottle.

"It's only a little after ten," James points out, catching onto her hand. "And we're done for the night."

"Really?" Lily smirks at him, then yawns. "Well, I guess I'd better turn in."

She rises from the chair, and in one deft motion, James slips his arms around her waist and sits down onto it, pulling her after him onto his lap. "Not on your life, Ms. Evans. I'm afraid we have some things left to cover on the extracurricular end of things."

Lily plays along happily, half twisting so she can look James right in the eye. "The Gobstones Club?" she suggests.

"Keep trying."

She pushes her lips out and slips her arms around James' neck, feigning thought. "Slughorn's term party."

"As if." James's hands slide down to her waist, where he begins to tickle her. "I was leaning more towards . . ."

"Stop, _James_!" she laughs, trying valiantly to hold her flirty pose. "Darn, I don't know, maybe you were thinking about our extra curriculars that you're so eager to have happen in this classroom?"

"Was that a suggestion?"

He tickles her until she chokes with giggles and nods fervently.

"Bloody hell, _yes_," he replies, as if she'd been the one to suggest it all along. "You are so thoughtful."

"Prat," mutters Lily. She leans in for the kiss and thanks Merlin that he's _her_ prat.


	57. lily & petunia ii

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_You may kiss the bride:_

_summer 1966_

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Lily lets her pretty white dress puff around her as she whirls around at the back of the church, waiting for the music to start.

"Careful, sweetie," she hears one old auntie say, "Don't want to spill the petals yet."

She pouts and comes to a standstill, knocking into one of her cousin's bridesmaids, who smiles adoringly down at her. She has without a doubt never ever ever even seen a dress as beautiful as this one. It's the purest white with a skirt that's made of the same thing as the bride's and poofs like her's does, and Lily thinks it's even more beautiful. There was a demanding hairdresser earlier that day who teased her long red curls into a half knot on the back of her head that now spills down her face, so Lily knows she looks like a princess.

Suddenly, the church ahead of them grows quiet as the organist puts his fingers to the instrument and begins to play.

"Go on, sweetheart," says the auntie, and Lily sticks her tongue out at her, because she _knows_ that she's supposed to go now.

There are a couple titters and aw's coming from the pews that Lily doesn't notice because she's so busy strewing petals everywhere. Only about five steps down the aisle, she runs out of them. _Oh no_, she thinks, and begins to stuff a few back into her basket. But the silly things won't come off the ground, and princesses are not supposed to have to bend down like this anyway!

More titters come from the pews, and her parents are motioning her to come down the aisle. But Lily is the _flower_ girl, and she can't be a flower girl without her flowers.

Suddenly she feels a jolt of warm energy run through her, and when she reaches into the basket, it's filled to brimming again. Beaming, Lily continues down the aisle, throwing petals high and trying her best not giggle when they fall around her shoulders and land in her hair. The dress rustles around her, her hair tickles her cheek, and she doesn't question how the petals came back.

Her mother motions to Lily again, and Lily can feel her breathe a sigh of relief when she sits down on the pew beside her and the bridesmaids can start down the aisle. Petunia leans across their mother to poke at Lily's skirt; Lily can hear her sister's bare legs peel away from the pew as she moves.

"Don't touch!" She slaps her sisters' hand away and sits primly, like a princess. Petunia, in her droopy purple dress—maybe she's the lady in waiting.

Through the whole ceremony, Lily sits up tall and straight. "You may kiss the bride," the preacher intones, and Petunia sighs like she can't wait for it to be over. But their mother wipes away a tear from her eyes, and Lily decides to be tenderhearted like any good ruler and do the same.

"Show off," Petunia whispers, and Lily scrunches her nose up in a hideous face. Petunia is only her sister, and today Lily is beautiful and she doesn't care if Petunia thinks otherwise.

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**Not the story you were expecting for this quote, I bet :P**

**Actually, I was at my cousin's wedding last weekend, and they had a flower girl just like this Lily. She was the cutest little girl, about six, in this incredible dress with a puffy tulle skirt down to her knees and the top was like a spaghetti strap shirt, so it poofed perfectly into every little girl's dream dress. At the reception, she was dancing everywhere - there was a hardwood dance floor in the center of the tables, and she was rolling around, laughing, getting swung around by the best man, and having the time of her life :)**

**And then there was another girl, I'm not sure whether she was an older sister or cousin. But she was maybe eight or nine, stick skinny and just not cute like the Lily-girl. She had this droopy dress on, and her hair was in two buns on her head at the beginning of the wedding, that became one messy ponytail at the end. She danced right along with the Lily-girl, and looked like she had just as much fun ... but sometimes, you could just see her wanting that dress, or wanting to be the one the wedding photographer followed around, or wanting all the adults to sqeal about how precious she was. The whole time, I was just dying to write them down ...**

**Anyway, so that was the inspiration for this one. It's an idea I might explore a few more times with a bit more Petunia, because there's a severe deficit of her in this fic :)**


	58. lily & the first order iii

_That wasn't fair:_

_November-December 1978_

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Chess with Gideon and Fabian was not an experience Lily would do over. For two happy go lucky, young at heart men, they were incredibly shrewd. Even Lily and all four Marauders—mostly Lily and Peter, as Remus professed being rubbish at chess early on in the night and all of them _knew _James was rubbish at chess—could barely make a dent in their army. Sirius was surprisingly skilled, but had so enjoyed watching the twins' white pieces hack at Lily's black ones that he'd defected early on, saying that when Blacks, even black chess pieces, were being cut down, he'd rather be the one doing the cutting, thanks.

Lily was logical and Peter was daring, but Gideon and Fabian were bloody war generals. It became a massacre ten moves into the game, the instant Lily moved their rook across the board, leaving the king's left defenses slightly opened up.

"Bishop to G6," Fabian said with a wicked grin. Their poor knight was slammed with the bishop's scepter, and limped off to join a battered array of black chess pieces lining the edges.

"Peter?" Lily suggested. "I got us into this, can you get us out?"

Peter winced, surveying the board. "Knight to F7," he finally said with a defeatist sigh. Their other horse galloped into place, blocking the attack on the king.

That helped matters little to not at all. Gideon moved in back-up pieces to defend the bishop, and captured the knight. Lily and Peter regrouped. Fabian declared check. Lily and Peter moved away. Gideon declared checkmate.

"Bloody Merlin, Death Eater!" shouted Peter, leaping up and pointing behind the twins. He drew his wand swiftly, and the twins, never logical in the best of times, ignored the fact that they were in a house—a heavily warded one at that—and spun around in surprise, much to James and Remus' amusement. "Animatus," he muttered, and the captured black pieces sprang to life.

Lily grinned, flicking her wand and sending her and Peter's army at Gideon and Fabian's right as the twins started to laugh and turn around to pretend anger at Peter.

"Hey, wait a minute." Gideon raised his eyebrows at his brother as he looked down at the small melee starting on the chessboard. "I know my memory might not be quite what it was a few seconds ago, but I could have _sworn _that there was about to be a peaceful victory."

"This, though," Fabian supplied, "Is more like a massacre. And not of the right pieces."

The Marauders grinned, even Sirius, who muttered ruefully, "That's Blacks for you. Curst things have the darndest way of hanging on unfairly."

"Well, that certainly wasn't at all fair," Gideon said with a good natured scowl.

The chess pieces slowly stopped their battle, moving hypnotically back to their starting positions as a hush fell over the group. Finally Peter broke it, suggesting hopefully,

"Shall we call it a draw, then?"

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**Haven't had any first order in a while, and no Gideon and Fabian! This takes place far before Peter defected, and it's so wonderful to be able to write him as a guilt free order member. Would love any feedback :)**


	59. lily & sirius vi

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**Takes place after the incident where Sirius told Sev how to get into the Shrieking Shack on a full moon and Remus the werewolf almost killed him.**

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_Please forgive me:_

_1976_

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Sirius was alone in the common room when Lily left the Quidditch match early to start on her Transfiguration essay. He was curled up by the empty fireplace, hair falling over his eyes. She knew something had happened a few days ago; something between him, James, Remus, Peter, and Severus. But even Severus wouldn't tell her what it was, only got a look of fear in his eyes. He said he promised Dumbledore, which meant whatever it was, it was more than the five's normal back and forth taunting.

And whatever it was, Sirius seemed to have taken the brunt of it. Even Lily could see the difference in him, how unnaturally sullen he was. How, for the past two days, he hadn't been with his friends at all. They were cold towards him, all three. She couldn't help but feel sorry for him, fallen and battered and alone as he looked.

For a while Lily and Sirius sat in tense silence, neither acknowledging the other. Lily's quill scratching across parchment was the only sound, and even that sounded too loud to her ears. Finally Sirius let out a horrible choking sound and turned to her, saying, "I wish you knew how lucky you were, Evans."

She put down her quill instantly, staring back at him. "What do you mean?"

He chuckled grimly. "No matter what you do; what kind of a stupid, idiotic move you decide to pull, James still likes you. No matter what. That's lucky."

"What happened, Sirius?" she asked softly. His first name left her mouth naturally, although she wished she'd said Black instead; kept things cold.

"I screwed up." And he became quiet, probably wondering why he'd decided to confide in her even a little.

"Is James mad at you?" she finally asked.

"Yes." Sirius made a sucking sound with his mouth. "And I deserve it. I deserve to never be a part of him, of my friends again, I should never have—done what I did."

"Can you fix it?" Lily felt awkward, probing so deep where Sirius was so uncomfortable, but what else could she say?

"Sure." Sirius glared at her. "I can just go up to James and say 'I've been a prat, now please forgive me.' Evans, what I did . . . was so many times worse than prat or screw up or joke. So many times."

"Sorry," she said quietly, drawing her knees to her chest.

"Not as much as I am." And he stalked up to the dormitories.

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	60. lily & the first order iv

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_For the Thrice Defied Challenge_

_It's no good:_

_late 1978-early 1979_

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"I'm going," Marlene says, and there's no question that Lily and James are going with her. In the distance, smoke spirals up from the mostly Muggle village of Ottery St-Catchpole. The three can hear the shocked cries of townspeople, can even see an occasional jet of light from a Death Eater's spell.

There's no time to call for help. It's Marlene, Lily, and James against the world now, and Lily hopes she won't let it down.

Too many are lying bloodied on the street when the three Order members Apparate in with fragmented pops, each erecting an immediate Shield Charm as they lean back to back against each other, firing curses as fast as they can at the Dark Lord's robed men.

It seems that there are thousands of them, although really, there's only five or so. Marlene gets one almost instantly with a well placed Stunner, and James Full Body Binds another. Lily begins casting charms from a distance to help relive some of the injured Muggles' pain. A tall, gangly Death Eater gets in her way, and she cuts him down swiftly.

Fighting isn't so hard when she can't think about it.

Marlene has taken another down, and the last, a chesty female that Lily recognizes as Sirius' crazed cousin, is the only one left. Her mask sweeps from side to side as she surveys the village in an instant, eyes darting over the damage she's caused, the rest of the injured.

"You thought this would be easy," she coos, taking hold of her wand again and flicking it with lightning speed towards Lily. "Crucio!"

The curse hits, and she's all _redhot, burning pain, can't breathe, can't think, need james, james, where are you, marlene, save me, rehot, can't hold on . . ._

The woman lifts the curse with a sneer as she sends a wall of hard wind into James, preventing him from slaying her on the spot. "You're my ickle cousin's friends," she says in a lilting voice to Lily and James. A slow grin spreads across her face. "My little traitor of a cousin's friends. You know what I say to that?"

She pulls up her left sleeve, revealing a twisting, coiling snake weaving itself through a skull. James shatters the block she created against him and fires a Cutting Spell as she presses the mark, twisting deftly out of his way.

"Got your friend Sirius' killing skills, I see," she taunts.

Lily knows the woman's bonkers, honestly and truly cracked; she's standing here, laughing at a skilled Auror and two Order members who are no small hand with spells either. And she seems to have no plans to leave, no plans to get her fallen comrades to safety.

Suddenly a horrible dark shadow sweeps over Lily. She chances a glance away from the witch; looks over her shoulder. Nothing. But Marlene and James seem to feel that same unease, for they start firing spells at the woman.

Bellatrix is bleeding by now and laughing and twisting with the Tickling Jinx, but fighting unaffected when a snarl of dark robes spins into place beside her. The figure is tall and pale, swathed in flowing black, but bare faced. There's no question who this is.

"Get out, get out, get out," Marlene mutters, gaze shifting from side to side as she bounces on the balls of her feet.

"What?" James asks, beginning to fire a curse at the Dark Lord, for this could be no one but.

"You and Lily, get. Out." Marlene annunciates each word carefully, and even Bellatrix's eyes widen when the Auror suddenly spins around and points her wand, shouting, "Vesica!" A deep slash opens itself across the Dark Lord's robes, but he smiles a chilling, joyless smile and raises his own wand.

"Crucio," he whispers with no feeling, and Marlene goes down. Her legs chase each other through the air, spiraling as her back arches and she screams with no sound.

"Vesica!" Lily cries again, this time cursing Bellatrix. Blood pours down the witch's arm.

But James shakes his head at her, looking regretfully to the Muggles along the street. Some watch fearfully; others are limping away as fast as they can. Too many are unmoving. "It's no good, Lily. Take my hand."

"What?" She reaches for it anyway, and they stand together against the greatest enemy their world has ever known. "Stupefy!" she shouts, at the same time as James sends a disarming curse. Both hit the Dark Lord, and their combined power is enough to shake his focus; enough to save their friend.

James grabs hold of Marlene as Lily holds a Shield Charm as heavy as she can across the three.

The next seconds, they've Apparated away.

_(A child will be born to the parents who have thrice defied him . . .)_

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**This is by far the longest chapter yet, and hopefully decent quality wise. The end of the fight didn't satisfy me either, so I'll say here that I _imagine _Lily and James would have immediately called Mad Eye to go back into the village and protect the Muggles - but this chapter wasn't about them, which is why it didn't fit in at the end. I'd love any feedback :-)**


	61. lily & james xvii

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**This one goes before chapter 42, when James shows Lily the Room of Requirement (if you ignore the first line or so in that one).**

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_Look, I have my own secrets:_

_February 1978 _

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James follows her down the hallway, trailing along after Lily until she turns to go to Potions.

"Wait!" he calls then, and catches onto her hand.

"James . . ." She meets his gaze for an instant of panic, and she _knows_ he's about to ask her out, and she _knows_ she can't say no.

"I wanted to ask . . ." He swallows hard, and Lily looks at him expectantly.

"What is it?" she finally asks, when he's coughed and stammered and done everything except utter a coherent word.

"Will you . . ." James pauses, looking as panicked as she feels before finally mumbling, "Take a walk with me after classes?"

"What?" For a moment, Lily isn't sure that she heard him correctly. "That's all?" she asks, cocking her head and half smiling at him. "I-I guess."

"Good. Good."

"Where are you taking me?" she asks him at last, as he doesn't seem to be in a hurry to go anywhere.

"Can't tell you," he practically trills.

"Please?" And they're back to the comfortable, slightly teasing relationship of two Heads.

"I can't give away _all_ my secrets," he tells her with a grin and a wink, and Lily rolls her eyes.

"I have my own secrets, you know," she points out. "Just not involving walks after classes and Head Girls."

"Ah, but do you have any involving Head Boys?" James is entering dangerous territory, and oh Merlin, she knows it.

But Lily only smiles coyly at him and flounces away. "We'll see about that," she tells him over her shoulder.

"Yes," James mutters to himself, watching her skirt swish over her sassily retreating figure. "We certainly will."


	62. lily & dorcas ii

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**Probably should be labeled lily & james, but this one's more important to Dorcas. All we learn about her in canon is that the Dark Lord killed her personally, and this is my version on why.**

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_I'm sorry, but she's not going to pull through:_

_June 1980_

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James comes home from the Order meeting somber and takes Lily in his arms right away.

"What?" she asks fearfully, ignoring their baby's sudden flutter of movement against her abdomen. "What happened?"

"She . . . Dorcas . . . the Dark Lord got to her." James clutches Lily as tightly as he can: shirt, hair, hands. She is still real.

"No." Suddenly Lily is sobbing into her husband's chest, and she doesn't know how it happened. Moments ago this was a normal day; she was greeting James with a normal kiss and a normal smile. "She'll be okay, though. She'll be okay. Right, James? She's just hurt."

"Oh, Lily." His voice breaks, and she can feel him swallowing hard. "I'm so, so sorry. She's not going to pull through."

Lily jerks away, meeting his eyes with a broken fire. "Then she's still alive?"

James shakes his head. "She died this morning, Lily. There's nothing we can do."

"Come on." And she hurries to the door, the fastest she's moved since the baby started growing.

"Lily, no!" He covers the doorknob with his hand, holding it closed. "You don't want to do this."

"Of course I do," she says, but then she meets his eyes again, this time timidly as her tears run unchecked and her mind jumps around through James' last sentences.

"It was the Dark Lord himself," she chokes. "Wasn't it?"

"Yes." James' response is inches away from crying.

"Why?"

He doesn't answer.

"_Why_, James?" she pleads.

"Because of us, damn it. Because the Dark Lord thought she would know where we were." His fingers around the doorknob clench tighter and tighter until they're bone white. "He killed her to get to us."

This hurts more than anything. "How could we?" Lily whispers, sinking into a chair and sobbing into her hands. "Oh _Godric_, James, we killed her. My best friend."

"Lily." And James is crying too, because this isn't someone who's always been in the Order; someone who's ready to die for the cause. This is their Dorcas Meadowes, and she's only twenty, and she just wasn't supposed to leave them like this.

She couldn't have told Voldemort anything about their location, even if she'd wanted to. Peter was their secret keeper, not Dorcas. She'd died in vain, for nothing,

And nothing could bring her back.


	63. lily & james & harry

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**Some family fluff :) Alice, I hope you don't mind that I changed the prompt around you gave me a little - but I might write the dinner scene yet. In the meantime, hopefully this is okay :)**

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_For quirky-as-alice -_

_No- no, I can't do this:_

_December 1980_

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"You want to make _what_?"

Lily sighs. Sometimes she wishes she could implant all the Muggle things she knows about into James' brain; it would make it a lot easier at times like this. "It's called pasta, silly," she tells him. "And I can't _believe _wizards don't have it!"

He crinkles his nose. "Floppy wet niddles don't sound so good to me."

"They're noodles."

"They're nasty." He turns to Harry, cooing to their baby, "Aren't they now."

Harry chooses that moment to wave his spoon in the air and flash his gums, gurgling happily.

"That's my little man," Lily says fondly as James mutters, "Mama's boy," under his breath.

"Where do we get these nuddles?"

"I'll take care of that," Lily tells him hastily, visions of James in a Muggle supermarket playing across her eyes. "You and Harry stay here and cook this beef. Chop it up and brown it, it's not so hard."

"Not so hard, she says." James grins and lifts Harry out of his seat, cradling him in one hand and holding the knife and his wand in the other. "We'll see about that."

"James . . ." Lily looks pointedly from the sharp knife to their son.

"Right then, Harry, you can watch." James flicks his wand and sends Harry's baby carrier zooming onto the counter, knocking aside a loaf of bread and several peaches to settle beside the meat. He carefully lays the baby into it, then takes the knife to the meat in exaggerated chopping motions, aware of his wife's eyes on him.

"James . . ." Lily starts again.

He stops chopping; rakes his fingernails down his face in what could pass for tortured. Or just mentally insane. "No—no, Lily, I can't do this!" he chokes, falling to the floor. Lily is unpleasantly reminded of the James she knew in about fourth year. "Relax," he tells her with a grin as Harry claps his hands in delight. "I know how to chop a little beef."

Lily rolls her eyes and sighs, smiling indulgently at the both of them. "I'll just nip over to Bathilda's, then," she says. "Accio up the noodles from the market down the street. Behave yourselves."

"Lily . . ." James mocks with a laugh, pushing her towards the door.

"I mean it," she warns, and is out through the wards with a bang.


	64. lily & petunia iii

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_Just get the hell out of my life:_

_August 31, 1977_

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"Tuney?" Lily knocks awkwardly on her sister's door. Tomorrow, Petunia is moving in with her new boyfriend, some Dudley or Dursley. Tomorrow, Lily is making her last journey to King's Cross. Tonight is the only time they have left to be sisters together.

"Come in." Petunia's tone is less irritated than most of the time when she speaks to her sister, something Lily draws hope from.

"Hi," she says softly, sitting cross legged on the bed. Petunia looks up from the suitcase she's laying carefully pressed blouses into cautiously.

"Hi," she replies, rocking back on her heels. "How are you?"

"Fine." Lily is noncommittal, unsure of what to say; of what will mend things and what will only set her sister off. "Are you okay?"

Petunia's mouth stretches taut across her narrow cheeks as she nods.

"Good." Lily looks around the room awkwardly, searching for something to talk about. Her gaze lights upon Petunia's jewelry box and the gaudy locket that's draped across the top. "Dorcas, my friend at school, she has a necklace like that," Lily tells her sister. "But it's been in her family for a while, she says it came from when the Greek wizards started fine metalwork, sometime in the middle ages. I'm not sure if that's true, though." Lily pauses. "It's expandable too," she adds, loud and shrill to fill in the silence. "The compartment inside opens up so she can put almost anything in it."

Petunia stands up and stalks to the jewelry box, clutching the locket in one hand as she glares at Lily. "I'm sorry my pitiful little necklace doesn't measure up," she replies scathingly. "But Vernon gave it to me with love, and that's more than your Dorcas can say of hers."

"Oh, Merlin, Tuney, that's not what I meant!"

"Merlin?" Petunia recoils, angry with a horrible undertone of fear. "You really are one of them."

"I didn't mean—it's just like God or Jesus," Lily protests.

"It's not like that, He denounced sorcery. Wizards are sinners. You hear that, Lily? You're a sinner."

Lily doesn't know how things spun out of control, or why her sister's words about a faith she never believed in hurt so much.

Maybe they wouldn't, if they weren't from Petunia.

"Please—" She stretches her hands in front of her, prays for forgiveness.

"Just get the hell out of my life." The locket has dug into Petunia's hand, and a print of hearts and flowers spiral across it as she stares Lily off the bed, slams the door behind her.

"Please," Lily echoes, whisper-soft in the hallway. "Please.


	65. lily & dorcas iii

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_Never let something take control of you so strongly that you can't break free of it:_

_early 1978_

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"Lily?" a concerned voice asks. Lily jumps off the armchair, upsetting her untouched spell books as she tries to scrub away the tear tracks trailing down her face.

"Relax, it's just me." Dorcas sits gingerly on the chair's arm and rubs her friend's back. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Lily curls into the chair, staring into the flickering light of the fire as if it could tell her if she's made a mistake today.

"James asked me out again," she confesses, glancing up at the twin staircases to the dormitories to be certain no one was witness to this.

Dorcas bites her lip and moves her hand up absentmindedly to brush through Lily's curls. "And you said no?"

There's a pause of several seconds before Lily finally replies in an unbroken rush, "Dorcas, I said yes."

Her friend sucks in a sharp breath, then doesn't reply for so long that Lily finally asks quietly, "Do you hate me for doing that?"

"Wha—Merlin, no! Lily, I—" Dorcas exhales softly. "I'm really happy you said yes."

"You _are_?" Dorcas was the one person Lily could count on to listen to her rants, agree at least a little, and, most importantly, not mutter something about denial.

"Lily, your loathing of James . . . just, never let something take control of you so strongly you can't break free of it, that's all I'm saying. I'm glad you're letting yourself change."

"What do you mean?" Lily asks.

"I mean, I'm just glad that you didn't make yourself say no when you meant yes only to keep up appearances."

"Yeah." Lily sniffles one last time, drying her eyes on the corner of her sleeve and grinning shyly. "Me too." And she is. She's shocked and terrified and confused, but she doesn't regret saying yes. Not even a little.

The fire glows orange as the girls, at last content, lean back in their chairs.

"Well?" Dorcas asks excitedly. "Tell me all about it!"

Lily bites her lip, flushes, and takes a deep breath.

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**I hope this moment doesn't seem too unrealistic or out of the blue. Lily pretty much says it in the fourth paragraph from the end, why she's crying and all. Like she says, just saying yes to someone like James that she's spent so long recoiling from would be a huge, horrible surprise. I'd love to hear any thoughts!**


	66. lily & james xviii

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**Happy Halloween!**

**This is it. Chapter 66. Two thirds of the way there, and in just over three months.**

**Very fitting how this falls on Halloween, the day of Lily and James' death. In honor of that, I wrote you guys a lovely fluffy L/J.**

**It's also the last time they speak to each other before the Dark Lord comes. Forgive any timeline issues; if it's canon that he comes during the day or evening, I forgot that. Too late to change this now ... Hope this one's enjoyed. Thank you so much for reading this far. It means a lot to me.**

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_To everyone who's read, favorited, alerted, REVIEWED_ -

_I'll never let you go:_

_October 31, 1981_

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"Lily," James calls to her from his perch on their bed, "I promise you, Harry will be right there in the morning waiting for you. You can come sleep now."

Lily touches Harry's perfect smooth little forehead gently, careful not to wake him. "Sleep well, lovey," she whispers, then flicks off the lights and pads down the hall to her and James' room.

"Boo!" he stage whispers, jumping out from behind their door and grabbing her from behind, clapping one hand over her mouth as she lets out a muffled squeal of surprise. "Happy Halloween."

"James!" Lily admonishes with a barely concealed giggle. "That was not dignified."

"Ah, but when have I ever been dignified?" He swings her into his arms and whirls her around twice, Lily grabbing onto his neck and burying her face in his shoulder as her feet fly out dangerously close to several breakable objects in the room.

"Put me down!" she gasps halfheartedly.

"I'll never let you go," James replies, plopping down on the bed with Lily still cupped in his arms. She laughs and tilts her head up to kiss him, then rolls away and curls in a ball near the foot.

"Mm, I'm so tired," Lily closes, now without more duties keeping her from the rest that she gets about six hours of on good nights. "Can I sleep forever here, dearest husband?" she suggests hopefully, arching her back like a cat and stretching once.

"And leave me alone with our spawn, and only my friends to help? You'd never."

Lily pokes him with one bare toe, then rolls over a few times until she lands properly in the bed. She snuggles under the blankets. "Our _spawn_ might wake up and hear you if you don't shut it."

"Always the voice of reason, eh?" James leans backwards and tickles her lazily, then darts around to his side of the bed before she can retaliate.

"Night, Lily," he murmurs, flicking the lights off with his wand. "Your turn to get Harry when he wakes up."

"Prat; I did it last night," Lily mumbles.

"Fine." James sighs and pinches her side gently. "Because I love you."

She shakes her head and exhales, snuggling in closer as the moon rises. In the darkness, her hand twines through his.

She'll never let him go.

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	67. lily & james & severus

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**Not as interesting as the characters sound, unfortunately. This was the second one I wrote, back at the very beginning of 2009. **

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He's as bad as they get:

_Winter 1978_

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Lily runs into her dorm room, tears streaming down her face. She collapses on her bed and pounds on her coverlet in frustration, wishing James wouldn't do this, wouldn't be so—Godric, so _critical_, so _mean_. Everything was going fine on their date in Hogsmeade until they ran across Severus and a couple of his older Slytherin friends.

It's been two years since their falling out, and usually she's okay with it. When she sees him around school, she just turns the other way and avoids his eyes; he usually does the same. Occasionally memories come to her and make her heart ache with missing him, but most of the time she doesn't let herself think about Severus. She's not sure what it was about today—maybe it was the way he looked at her when he saw her holding hands and laughing with the other Head.

But it's not Severus that hurt her the most. It was what James said after he'd passed—"Stupid git. I don't get why they all let him hang out with them, why anyone would want to be friends with him. He's as bad as they get."

"I was friends with him once," Lily had said.

"Sure, and look how well that turned out. Lily, he doesn't care about anything but his Dark Arts. Any idiot can see that."

She'd bristled at that. "That's not true, James."

"Oh, right. He loves his precious Lily-flower." James looked down at her with a 'get real' expression on his face, and suddenly tears had begun pricking at the corners of her eyes.

"Aw, Lil—c'mon Lily, I didn't mean to make you cry," he'd said, slipping an arm around her waist and looking down, concerned, at her.

She'd run for the castle, not trusting herself to keep a clear head and not make a mess of things. And here she is now, crying over both her boys. One that she has and isn't sure if she wants, and another that she lost a long time ago, but wants back.


	68. lily & sirius vii

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_Kiss me, [Lily]! :_

_February 1977_

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"Are you _serious_?!" squeals an annoying fifth year girl, and her friend's eyes dart to Sirius nearby.

"He is, actually," Lily hears. She doesn't miss the hint of wanting in the girl's voice.

_Ridiculous, _she thinks, catching eyes with Black—he's sprawled on the floor just across the room, and has heard the girls' conversation as well. She raises her eyebrows; he rolls his eyes and shrugs.

She knows he doesn't _really _mind. She knows that, and somehow she can't break away from his eyes anyway. Even when she forces herself—rips her gaze away, really—Sirius' own gaze is like a brand into her forehead as she crouches over her essay.

The arrogant boy stays sprawled by the fire as late as she does, and now Lily can't say that _she _doesn't really mind, because right now she _wants_ to prove to herself that she's not just a sixth year prefect with a talent for Charms and a quick temper. That she can be as casual and giggly as those younger girls.

So when the common room empties of everyone, Sirius stays and so does Lily. It's not like she's too surprised. He moves to the couch beside her, pretending to warm himself in the nearby fire.

"Nice night, Black," she says without thinking, and Sirius bursts out laughing.

"Nice Black, night," he says right back. The tension is broken.

They talk and talk, always inching closer. Lily _knows_ that in morning's light, all of this will be as stupid and insignificant as it doesn't feel right now. That's why she doesn't care. She's sixteen, for Merlin's sake. Sixteen year olds are supposed to do things like this.

"Why don't you have a boyfriend, Lily?" That's the direction the conversation takes an hour or so later. By this point, Lily is sprawled across the couch, flaming hair just mingling with Sirius' own.

"Maybe I like being unattached," she tells him. "Maybe I like the possibilities."

"Do you?" he asks, experience clouding his tone.

"Of course," she replies, tossing her hair back a little bit defiantly. She hates Black as much as she needs him, and she loathes his superiority as much as he thrives on it.

Except that tonight, she's thriving on that superiority as well. So she laughs off his comment and flirts as best she knows how. She considers it a mark of her success when a few minutes later, Sirius utters a breathless, half joking, "Kiss me, Lily!"

She laughs and retreats back to her own end of the couch. A couple seconds pass in silence, and Lily throws aside all judgment.

"You asked for it," she murmurs, and presses her lips to his.

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**This is one of my favorite Marauder moments I've written - if you'd like to read it in other detail, as I've written it in various styles three times now, try _Roses Are Red, Roses Are Blue_ for a more abstract Lily perspective, and _Unplanned _for an abstract Sirius. Hope you guys liked this chapter! I'll admit to being rather fond of it, especially the last two lines.**


	69. lily & severus vii

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_Wow. Are you honestly trying to lay a guilt trip on me? :_

_May 1976_

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"Hi, Lily," Severus half whispered, hopeful in the first morning they had Potions after OWLs.

She forced herself to ignore him. He thought she was a Mudblood, and so why should she bother sitting with him any longer?

"Excuse me; Professor Slughorn?" Lily called, raising her hand with sweetness practically dripping from her tongue. "I don't think Severus should be forced to work with me any longer; isn't it obvious he'd prefer to be alone with his wand and little magazine?"

Severus dropped his black Potions book and wooden wand both in embarrassment and anger as Professor Slughorn, looking a little bemused, nodded his permission. Lily flounced to be with Dorcas, bobbing her head back and forth the tiniest amount so her hair danced behind her. It empowered her; made it easier to walk away from her best friend.

"Please don't go," Severus found himself whispering to her retreating back. "I need you more than you'll ever know."

Of course, Lily didn't hear him. She slid into the seat beside Dorcas, right by Peter and Remus with James and Sirius in front of them. Here, she'd be well protected from any of Severus' advances, at least.

All that class, they worked on brewing weak sleeping draughts. Dorcas prattled on in Lily's ear; or so it sounded to Lily, used to her and Sev's quiet camaraderie. The Marauders—or James, horrible James who she hated as much as Sev—were showing off by creating small explosions and hexing the chalk to write obscenities on the board while Slughorn's back was turned. It was an unproductive class, to put it mildely. And it just felt _wrong_.

Lily didn't pack up and leave with Dorcas and the rest of the Gryffindors. Her papers were still spread across the desk, so she scooped them up slowly, telling them to go ahead to Herbology without her. And as she knew he would, Severus, sighting the opportunity, dawdled as well.

They walked out of class sort of side by side, although Lily was a little to the front and Severus slightly behind her.

"I'm sorry," he finally said softly. "If I were as strong as you, I wouldn't have said it."

"What?" Lily turned to face him in shock. "As _strong _as me? What does that have to do with anything?"

Severus sighed. "Lily, you're an amazing, talented witch, and you're kind to everyone, and you're—you're beautiful"—he whispered that word, but gained volume as he continued on—"And perfect at almost everything."

"_What_?" She stopped dead in the hallway. "Sev, are you trying to . . . to lay some kind of guilt trip on me?"

"_What_?" He blinked identically, owlishly, back at her. "No, I'm trying to apologize."

In his confusion, Lily stiffened her resolve. "Well, save your breath, Severus. I'm not interested."

She left him for Herbology class, and didn't look back once.

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**Sorry for changing the quote so much ... but as I'm pretty sure the person who set this challenge has read no more than about a chapter, whatevs :-P I really didn't feel like writing the huge argument scene to get to the sarcasm in the original wording. Hopefully the feelings in this are believable, and even if you've just had me on alert and don't usually review, I'd really appreciate hearing from you.**


	70. lily & james xix

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_That was awkward:_

_Spring 1978_

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James kisses the back of Lily's cheek, whispering into her ear, "Meet me at the foot of the Astronomy Tower?"

She smiles questioningly at him, but he just winks and jumps up from the table, sauntering out. Lily looks up, then down the rows of Gryffindors eating dinner. There's no question where she'd rather go—with a purposeful stride, she follows James out of the Great Hall.

He's waiting for her just around the corner, waiting to sweep her into his arms.

"What is this?" Lily murmurs as they cut through hallways, laughing at the exhilaration of being alive, in love, with James.

The same exhilaration is written all over his face as he replies with a laugh, "Just a romantic excursion of the sort girls tend to like."

"You're . . ." A thousand possibilities rush through Lily's mind. Fantastic, insane, demented, deranged, perfect, her's, crazy. "You're amusing," she finally settles for, smiling up at him as if her heart would explode.

"Prongs thanks you," James replies with a flourish. "And now, shall we patrol the Astronomy Tower?"

"Patrol?" Lily raises her eyebrows and grins. "It's not our night. And the patrols don't start for an hour yet, Mr. Head Boy."

James laughs. "Oh, you're just too clever for your own good, you are." He laces his hand through her's, and they begin walking in that direction. "I'll teach you a new kind of patrol," he suggests.

"I love learning." Lily snuggles closer against his side. They round the corner, and find themselves looking right at embracing lovers—a boy with long, dark hair and a slight curly haired girl, pressed against the wall and moaning softly.

"Padfoot?" James squeaks.

"Oh Godric . . ." Lily chokes an awkward laugh as Sirius jerks away from his girl, one of the Beaters on the Quidditch team.

"Aileen?" James winces. So does Sirius.

"Do you mind?" he asks, glaring obviously at James.

"Um, right." James spins on his heel, does a full circle, and takes hold of Lily's hand again.

"James," she hisses, tugging him back around the corner with a hurried, clumsy wave to Sirius and Aileen.

"That was awkward," he mutters, wrinkling his nose. "And sort of a mood spoiler."

"Agreed." She giggles. "But did you see the look on Sirius' face?"

James smiles at her. "Oh, I'll be able to tease him about this for weeks. Want to help?"

"Silly James," she says with a sly grin. "You know I will."

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**And you expected L/J fluff! (I did too.) Alas, Sirius has a knack at getting in the way of these things :P Hope this was enjoyed!**


	71. lily & the first order v

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**My dog died suddenly; one minute she was trotting around the farm poking her nose into things, then she got a chicken neck from the one we were cooking for dinner (a chicken neck does not have bones and is theoretically okay, unless dog one steals it from dog two and gulps it down whole) - and then she was lying, unmoving, on the driveway. We got the neck out of her throat, got her to the vets, and she was still alive when we got the meat out, but she died on the way there. The world shouldn't change so fast, and ****I had to write.**

**I cheated. Instead of "There's no time", there's "There might still be time" and "There's no hope". Do a little grafting, and the quote's there ;) And Edgar Bones is a First Order member who the Death Eaters "got his entire family" too. Hopefully you all remember Frank Longbottom.**

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_There's no time:_

_early 1979_

_-_

"I think Edgar's dead!" Frank Longbottom shouts. He bursts through the door of Lily and James' flat like a charging dragon, upsetting the pot of soup simmering on the stove.

"What?" Lily gasps, grabbing her wand from her belt as tears pool in her eyes. "What happened, Frank, how do you know?" The words are desperate, because only yesterday Edgar and his daughter had dropped in to see them; only yesterday they were laughing and reminiscing, and things just can't change so fast.

"The Dark Mark . . . it's over his house," Frank chokes. "And there's no sign of him or Mathilda of Janie, and, please, there might still be time!"

Tears stream down Lily's face as she jams shoes onto her feet. It's barely ten in the morning; she's still pajama clad, bed haired, and not ready to fight. Not ready for death. Beside her, James' face is horribly contorted, Frank's eyes are watering, but the three Apparate to the Bones' house hopeful, pleading to Merlin that somehow they're fading but still alive; they're hurt but can be saved.

One look at the carnage, and Lily knows it's hopeless. Her jaw trembles with the effort of holding it together as the three walk to the house, now unprotected by any sort of ward. The door hangs off its hinges; the carpet's in shreds; Edgar's body lies, bloodied, across the entrance.

"No . . ." Impossible, Lily thinks. Impossible for things to change so fast, impossible for so many people to be dead. "Mathilda? Janie?" she cries, voice breaking on the familiar names.

"Over here." It's James, and oh Merlin, she's never seen him crying like this, never like this when now, a mother is lying with her arms around her child, unharmed and looking just like sleep while Janie's little arms clutch to her mother's, trusting in the embrace that's never failed her before. "There's no hope."

"Godric." She clutches at an armchair, rakes her fingernails down her arm, tries to swipe away the redness in her eyes and the horror in her heart.

"We need . . ." Frank isn't in control of himself either, but the older Auror draws himself up for Lily and James' sake. "A patronus. Tell Mad-Eye. Make sure there's not more attacks on the way."

For all Lily tries and tries, every happy thought she ever had in her life is clouded by _the Boneses are dead; Edgar and Mathilda and Janie, all dead, all dead, all dead._ Anything that could possibly bring her doe soaring out of her wand now is from another time, another life, another world.

A wisp of silver comes out of Frank's wand and disappears almost immediately. James turns away from the Boneses and Frank and Lily, back heaving with noisy, suppressed sobs. And Lily tries and tries to think of something glad, something to save her from Edgar and Mathilda and Janie, lying there dead, branded by the Dark Lord's hate.

"Expecto Patronum!" Frank roars, and his huge bull comes soaring out of his wand and gallops away.

Lily falls to her knees and sobs as though she'd break.


	72. lily & severus viii

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**I'd planned on a goofy L/J or one with Sirius for this quote, but then Severus begged for a more serious chapter ... so here's a snippet from his point of view. Hopefully it's realistic and enjoyed!**

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_If you leave, I don't know if I can live:_

_June 1978_

_-_

Graduation of 1978 was a subdued affair—loyalties were divided among students and parents; Dumbledore had his hands full trying to keep separate members of the Order and Voldemort's followers. There was only a simple ceremony lasting about an hour on the lawns of Hogwarts, and afterwards the students divided in groups to go off to their own celebrations.

Severus Snape remained on the brink of it all, hovering between his friends and his Lily. His friends—they were making cruel remarks about the Mudbloods and Muggles, hexing them occasionally when no one was looking. And Lily was with Potter, Black, Pettigrew, Lupin, and Meadowes, laughing with her head thrown back as the sun practically streamed from her hair. There were moments when it seemed she might come to him; moments when her gaze flickered to his and back in an instant as she rejoined her life, the one that had never betrayed her.

And then James scooped her up in his arms and whirled her in circles while Lily threw her arms around his neck and kicked her leg out, sending Black spinning backwards. Severus envied the six in that moment for their happiness. They had no idea of the dark clouds of war brewing on the horizon, or at least had been able to forget them for a while. He allowed himself to be drawn into their actions more and more as he tried to forget as well, just for today.

The meet and greet on the lawn ended when he blinked. Potter set Lily back on the ground; the girls giggled together as Potter, Black, Pettigrew, and Lupin shoved at each other for a little while before finally, the group rejoined and began walking towards the castle, towards the festivities that no doubt awaited them in Gryffindor Tower.

"Don't leave, Lily," Severus Snape called after her in his mind, a whisper that faded long before it ever reached her. "If you leave, I don't know if I can live."

Saying that was ridiculous. Lily left, of course. That day at graduation and three years later on a frosty October night, when he thought he'd done everything he could to ensure her safety.

Lily left and Severus lived, and he always hoped that one day it would get easier.

It didn't. Not really.


	73. lily & the first order vi

_Merlin, you give me a headache:_

_December 1978_

_-_

Just because Mad-Eye said that the last Order meeting of 1978 was important, Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon are late. The rest of the Phoenixes have already assembled and been told that they's going to be a picture taken; have been arranged on chairs and the floor supposedly by height, but mostly, wherever they can scramble to while Mad-Eye isn't looking—because teasing him is fun, and if there's one thing this young generation of Order members love, it's the thrill of defying.

Arthur is fiddling with his clumsy Muggle tripod that he absolutely _insisted_ on using when Sirius and Marlene come in, unabashedly together. Even though he's a row behind her, Lily can feel Mad-Eye's disapproval coming from him in waves of _they're both Aurors, so they should be setting an example. There's an eight year age difference, and everyone knows that however much fun the two may be having together in the present, _commitment _and _serious_ are two words they know nothing of._

"Ready!" Arthur steps proudly away from the newly assembled tripod. Sirius lazily stares at it with raised eyebrows as his right hand slips further and further down Marlene's hip, right there in front of all the Order. Her hair is less archaic than normal, and the patented McKinnon smirk is gone from her face.

"Lovely," Moody says dryly. No one's sure if he means the tripod or Sirius and Marlene. "Is everyone _else_ ready yet?"

Sirius seems to realize for the first time that the Order is trying to do something, so of _course_ he pushes right to the middle of the middle row, jostling his way to beside Mad-Eye.

"Merlin's arse, you new recruits give me a headache!" the Auror sighs, nodding to Arthur. Marlene just chuckles knowingly and steps in beside Alice Longbottom.

"Everyone smiling?" Arthur asks absently. Lily plasters a grin on her face as he sets the camera on the tripod.

It promptly collapses, falling to the floor with a metallic clatter. Mad-Eye sighs, and Lily's not sure, but she _thinks_ she hears a tremor in his voice that could be described as suppressed laughter. Then she's grinning, Dorcas, Alice, and Marlene behind her begin to giggle, and she can hear Caradoc's distinct wheezing laugh in the back as he begins to lose it.

That sets all of the Phoenixes off. Peter chuckles in his unobtrusive, wide eyed way beside her; Aberforth Dumbledore positively roars. And with a click and a flash Arthur's camera goes off, leaving him standing triumphantly in front of them as they sigh and smile fondly, begin to laugh again.

He develops the shot right there, as the rest of the Order reconvenes. It gets shuffled from hand to hand, ending with Mad-Eye, who no one dares question when he tucks it into his cloak.

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**I very much hope that you guys all realized this, but just in case, this is the scene where the First Order photograph that Moody shows to Harry in the fifth book is taken. I will work harder on my Mad-Eye dialogue the next time I write him!**


	74. lily & harry ii

**Disclaimer: I am a sixteen year old girl who has never been pregnant/gone into labor. (Although I did ask my mother what it felt like to have your water break. Most embarrassing conversation ever. I don't reccomend it!) But the point is that the final few lines of this chapter are most likely not accurate and I'm not trying to offend anyone with my inexperience! - although I think most of you are of similar age and inexperience.**

**(On a further note, I will promise 99.999999999% positively that I will NEVER get into any more detail of labor than this!)**

**Hope this chapter's enjoyed and the beginning's understood, and as repayment for that horrible conversation with my mother, I really hope you review :-P**

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_Please- pull through for me:_

_early morning, July 31 1980_

_-_

"Dorcas. _Dorcas_!" Lily shook at her friend, her still, cold friend lying on the ground, spread eagled and not waking up. They were in a forest—a deathly silent forest where nothing moved or lived or breathed. Not even the wind.

"Please . . ." The witch didn't move, and Lily slapped her fingers across her face, trying to wake her up; to make her come back. "Dorcas, I need you!"

Something rustled behind Lily and she jumped up with a dexterity she hadn't managed in nearly nine months. She whirled around as fast as she could in a motion that seemed to take all eternity, because her legs just _wouldn't_ move and her feet were rooted to the ground. There was nothing visible, but through the overhanging canopy of trees the night's sky was slowly, steadily lightening from pitch-black to blood-red.

"We have to get out!" Lily shouted, kneeling beside Dorcas again in an easy, unfamiliar crouch. She wanted to cry, but was drained of all emotion. "Please—please, Dorcas, pull through for me. We have to escape here, _now_."

Her friend's head lolled to one side and her lips fell open in a lifeless grimace. The forest began spinning around Lily, leaves and trees and branches whirling together as wind whistled through the trees, at last bringing life to the place. But it was a barren, empty kind of life and Lily wanted no part of it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and she felt for a last pulse; chafed Dorcas's wrists a final time. The witch didn't move. Lily kissed her best friends' forehead and stood up and left her there. A feeling of darkness pervaded the air, but she knew that even if Dorcas was beyond help, maybe she herself could make it back home.

"Leaving so soon?" came a hiss from all around her as a gargantuan figure swathed in black robes glided into view. "But you haven't seen my hospitality yet."

"Let me go!" she shouted, one tinny voice against this horror. "You can't keep me here."

"No," he agreed so readily that even Lily in her subconscious state was surprised. "Maybe not, as long as you give me something." He reached out with one arm—not an arm, really; just a swirling dark sleeve that moved like a human's. It grabbed her around her waist and drew her forward. Suddenly there was a weight in her belly again, the familiar one she'd been carrying on earth for nearly nine months.

"No!" she gasped, understanding. "Not my son."

"There's no choice," smiled the darkness. "I took your friend, you'll be sorry to see your little cottage and husband again if you even get out of these trees—and I can rip your child from you just as easily."

Lily struggled and kicked, mashing her fists into him as hard as she could, sobbing that she couldn't, would never ever give her baby to him. Tears streamed down her face and she felt her body twisting, contracting painfully as she tried to arch her back against the Dark Lord's might, escape from his choke hold.

"You can't have him!" she panted, and then a pain rippled through her body so hard that she spasmed his grip. Suddenly she jolted back to the earth; was back in her own bed, tangled in wet sheets with a red hot fire burning in her stomach.

Her husband was lying beside her, on his side with one arm stretched across the pillow and tangled in her hair. It was him she reached out to now, thankfully because he was _alive_ and pleadingly because she was _frightened_.

"James," she whispered. Her voice cracked on the syllable. "James, help me." The wet sheets, the pain—she knew what it meant but didn't know what to do, where they would go. "James." She shook his shoulder, and he groggily stirred as another pain knifed through her. "It's time."


	75. lily & james xx

_Carry me:_

_November 1978_

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When Lily and James leave their wedding party at one in the morning and Apparate back to the flat, he can't resist landing at the end of the street instead.

"Why—?" she asks, turning to face him in the muted glow of the lamppost they're standing under. Her hair whirls out like she's still dancing, and the white skirt of her simple Muggle dress swishes against the hem of James' dress robes.

"So I could do this the proper way." James kisses Lily tenderly, then, before she has time to blink, scoops her up in his arms and begins to walk her towards their home.

"By carrying me back to the flat? Oh, James." Lily snuggles her head into her _husband's _shoulder and holds on tight as he picks up speed. James' whoops of delight mingle with her own laughter, and for once, they don't _care_ that Death Eaters could be on the prowl tonight looking for them, because at least they'll die giddy.

Lily and James are young and madly in love, and in that moment, cradled in James' arms, Lily just knows that she's invincible. He sets her down carefully inside their new flat in a tumble of white crinoline and red hair, and even then, danger can't touch her.

For tonight, they've defied the war.


	76. lily & the marauders iv

**When I first read this quote, my first thought was that 'loaded' referred to certain ... sections of the male anatomy :-P So with great trepidation, I urban dictionary'd it, and was quite happy to discover that it usually just means drunk! Which isn't completely squicky, thank Merlin. So, here, have some drunken!seventh years :-) **

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_For thelightningstrike,  
who recently wrote this quote quite awesomely and, I just found out, whose birthday was ... yesterday, I suppose, by the time she reads this_

_Dude, you're loaded:_

_May 1978_

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Sirius tipped back his head and downed another swig of firewhiskey, then passed the bottle on to James, who also drank without hesitation. James then turned to give it to Lily, but, thinking clearly in the way only someone halfway wasted can, pulled out his wand and conjured an ornate goblet, which he presented rather ceremoniously.

"Thank you very much," she said, giving his generous gift the praise it deserved. She poured a splash into it that turned into a long stream, causing even Remus to grin and Sirius to full on bellow. "To the past seven years!" she called, raising the glass high and tipping it down her throat.

Peter grabbed the bottle happily and echoed, "To the past seven years," before chugging several swallows and promptly choking.

"I'd say that's about enough by now," Remus suggested helpfully. He was the only one not buzzed by now; he'd oh-so-prudently refrained from having any more of the Firewhiskey Sirius had nicked from the Hog's Head after his first shot had left him in a hacking fit of several minutes. He wasn't, however, missing out on anything—Lily, too, had considered, before she'd taken those third and forth swigs, that it might well be more entertaining to just watch everyone else make a fool of themselves. She had a nasty suspicion that she'd be the biggest fool if she kept drinking.

So of course, she had.

The Firewhiskey had made its way over to Dorcas now, whose cheeks were rosy and lips red. She was, Lily thought fuzzily, the most beautiful drunk she'd ever seen. Sirius clearly thought so too—he was sprawled across his own bed while Dorcas sat primly at the foot, but was doing all he could to make her lie down also.

Lily sighed and threw her legs across the top of the trunk, then pillowed her head on James' lap. He tangled his fingers in her hair, kissing her soundly.

"Oy, will you guys keep it appropriate over there?" Sirius called, brandishing his hand at them and hooking it around Dorcas' waist as he brought it back. She sighed heavily and finally flopped back across his stomach like he was her pillow.

"Of course," James replied, "As long as you do, Mr. Can't Wait to Get into Meadowes' Pants."

Lily and Dorcas both shrieked with laughter; James had never been so witty before. For his part, Remus only shook his head and allowed himself a small smile. And Peter suggested that maybe this night would be more fun if they didn't have to be confined to the dormitory.

"Dude, you're loaded!" Remus reminded Peter wearily, deciding that it was not in their best interests to be caught drinking so close to the end of seventh year.

"'S alright, Pete," Sirius told him. "Dorcy and I will go in your place."

"Need I remind you that you're rather inebriated as well?" Remus asked.

"No," Sirius replied cheekily as Dorcas recovered rather noisily from being called _Dorcy_. "But you will anyway, right, Mum?"

Remus gave Sirius a playful slug on the arm and mumbled something about leaving them to their own devices; that they'd dug their grave and could lie in it.

Lily might have regretted the night's later events if she remembered any of them.


	77. lily & james xxi

_Oh, come on! You know you want to! :_

_Winter 1973-1974_

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"Hey, Evans!"

Lily looked up from her Potions essay to see Potter across the room, waving madly at her. She put her head down and kept working, but out of the corner of her eye she could still see his arm, flashing back and forth in a whip of scarlet.

"Yeah, Potter?" she finally called back to him.

"I'm free tomorrow," he said.

"Congratulations." She smiled at him overly enthusiastically, then reinked her quill and turned back to the essay.

"All of Hogsmeade is at my beck and call," he continued.

"That's very good." This time, Lily didn't look up. She knew that by now, far from the first time this year he'd asked her out when he _might_ have actually meant it, he did this because he enjoyed watching her squirm.

"You could go with me," James finally suggested.

"How many ways can you spell no?" Lily told him firmly.

"Not enough."

"Well, here's one. N-O."

"Wait, that spells . . ." James pursed his lips in thought. "_Oh_, you said yes?"

By now, most of the common room was watching with varying degrees of amusement.

"I _spelled_ no," Lily replied. "And I _meant_ it as well."

"Oh, come on Evans! You know you want to!"

She grinned cheekily around the common room before settling into a glare at Potter. "_You_ just said no. Can you spell it? Because that's your final answer."

"Ah, Evans," James cried, clutching at his heart. "One day when I'm happily married and you're an old maid, you'll regret these advances you've resisted."

"_Or_, one day," Lily countered, "I'll thank my lucky stars that I never said yes to James Potter!"

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**Because there can never be too much lovestruck!James and resisting!Lily in the world, especially when they're younger ;) Any feedback is appreciated!**


	78. lily & james & severus ii

**In an interview I read with Jo about the prophecy, she said that the times that Lily and James (and Alice and Frank) defied Voldemort weren't necessarily the obvious ones, where they escaped from him in battle. She then said that their first act of defiance was when the Dark Lord wanted to recruit them and they turned him down. So here's an interpretation of that :-)**

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__For the Defied Voldemort Thrice Challenge_

_Just go:_

_spring 1978_

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Lily and James were sprawled on the grounds by the lake, Lily leaning back in his arms and reading a book and James lazily charming spirals of water up and down when Severus walked towards them. This was the first thing his Lord had entrusted him to do. Bella Black had passed the job on to him personally, saying that it would earn him huge favor if he succeeded in recruiting Hogwarts students from other houses. _After all_, she had sneered at him, _The Dark Lord has always been in favor of unity._

There was no one that Severus would rather have join him than his Lily, and it seemed that if there was to be even a hope of getting her, he'd have to persuade Potter as well. So he was walking out to meet them today with little hope and far too many dreams.

"Er, Lily?" he called, planting his feet in front of her and Potter with what he could only name as completely Gryffindor bravery. "I have a question for you. Pot—James as well."

James turned to him with raised eyebrows and an unfriendly glare, looping one arm around Lily's waist. "What do _you _want, _Snape_?" he asked, using Severus' last name very pointedly.

Severus nearly lost his nerve. In his heart, he _knew_ that Lily was too good for this horrible road he'd accidentally set in motion for himself. He sort of knew that if he didn't ask her to join with him, then maybe, _maybe_ he would be able to get her back.

But the words of the speech that he'd rehearsed to try to persuade her were that only ones that sprang to his mind, so out they came in a jumble of "We need wizards" and "We'll be powerful" and "It'll give you the life you always wanted" and "The Dark Lord asked for you personally."

"The _Dark Lord_?" Lily leapt to her feet, eyes blazing. "You think I would ever, _ever _join the _Dark Lord_? Me, a _Mudblood_? As. If."

James, too, was standing up with his wand in hand, glaring menacingly at Severus. He seemed to have assumed that this was Lily's fight, and for that, Sev was grateful. He could do with just failing in this one all important mission; he really didn't need a hex from James Potter to round out the day.

"Do you _really_ want me to answer your _ridiculous_ proposal?" Lily continued, clenching and unclenching her fingers around her wand.

"I—" Severus drew in a slow, deep breath. "No." For a few seconds he stood there, desperate and pleading to his Lily that she could renounce his Cause and still take him back.

She stared right back at him as tears started to tumble down her face, and finally, when Lily couldn't take it anymore, she cried, "Can't you just go?"

When she turned and ran to James' arms, burying her face in his shoulder—that was when Severus left.

(Somewhere far, far away, the Dark Lord hissed in anger and swiped one arm across the shelf of the home he'd taken for the day, smashing goblets to the floor and letting them shatter in shards of broken crystal. They _dared _to refuse him.)

_(A child will be born to the parents who have thrice defied him . . .)_


	79. lily & dorcas iv

**This takes place right after chapter 73 when the First Order photographs was taken and Sirius and Marlene came in, clearly together. If you feel like reading a little more about Sirius and Dorcas, there's chapter 45 in here or my oneshot _Unplanned_. Enjoy, and don't forget to review ;)**

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_Ew! Seriously? They're dating? :_

_December 1978_

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It was no secret that while they were in school, Dorcas had a bit of a thing for Sirius Black. Lily remembers that now as Arthur is putting away his camera and the rest of the Order comes together for the meeting, Sirius and Marlene coming together quite literally.

Dorcas doesn't look angry exactly, nor hurt exactly, nor even really disappointed. There's just a touch of bitterness in her eyes, and not the slightest bit of surprise. When the Order meeting adjourns to light socializing, Lily seeks her out and asks if she's okay; if she cares about Sirius and Marlene.

"No," Dorcas says right away. There's not much passion in her tone—she could have been telling Lily what she'd eaten for breakfast, and it would have sounded the same way. "I can't miss him if I never liked him to begin with."

Both of them know that that's a lie, but as Marlene's scratchy laughter drifts across the room to them, Lily supposes that it's easier.

"It's just . . ." Dorcas frowns. "Like, seriously, they're _dating_? We both know Sirius, and we both know some about Marlene, and they're nearly identical in character. So where's the spark?"

Across the room, Marlene is now talking intently with Mad-Eye and ignoring Sirius while he stands behind her, a little bit lovestruck. More so than Lily's ever seen him, at least.

"Sirius loves the thrill," Lily finally says. "And I bet that Marlene does too."

The girls gaze at the pair; dark haired Black and curly, flyaway McKinnon. Both are a little bit wild, a little bit brash, a little bit high on life. In far too many ways, they deserve each other.

And in the ways they don't; in Marlene's over confidence and Sirius' slight insecurity—maybe that's the spark.


	80. lily & the first order vii

_Do you have to be so sarcastic? :_

_summer 1978_

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"This is it, then?" Alastor Moody asks with raised eyebrow as he peers up and down the line of the new Phoenixes; Lily, Dorcas, James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus, all fresh out of Hogwarts. "This is how we're to defeat the Dark Lord?"

Out of all of the Order members around him, no one seems to appreciate his words. He shrugs and continues, "We've had word that Death Eaters are sending a wave onto the Muggles on one of the suburbs of Kent. We'll divide into teams; monitor the area ready to fight if need be."

Lily stands straight, proud, and strong as Alastor begins to name groups of four for the Order to get into. She's with Caradoc as she knew she would be, as well as a Hestia Jones and Edgar Bones. All three of her team members look well versed in battle, brave, and prepared.

"There's your teams, then," Alastor finally says. James is partnered with him, and Sirius and a woman named Marlene McKinnon stand near as well. "Hop to it. Don't be seen, don't let your guard down, and maybe we can all make it out of here alive tonight."

"Do you have to be so sarcastic, Alastor?" the woman beside Sirius sighs. "They're just kids."

The Auror glares at her, but nods curtly. "That's enough briefing, then," he tells the groups before him, extending that same sentence to the new recruits especially. "You know what to do."

(Lily wishes she were a little more sure.)

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**Eighty chapters done! Thank you all so much for sticking with me :-) As always, reviews are much appreciated.**


	81. lily & the marauders v

**I apologize for the ridiculousness! In my mind, this is a prequel to chapter 40, which features drunken!Marauders deciding to kill Voldemort with a sock and a few butterflies.**

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_I wish this hadn't happened:_

_winter 1978-1979_

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"I wish this hadn't happened," Peter says matter of factly, downing another swig of firewhiskey. "War blows."

"Understatement of the century, Pete," Sirius tells him wryly. "Understatement of the century."

"War is like chocolate for the Death Eaters," Remus adds. "Get a taste, and they always want more."

Lily grins. "That's our Remus," she says fondly. "If it's not to do with chocolate, it's not important."

The others laugh heartily as Remus rolls his eyes good naturedly, protesting, "It's true!"

"Sure, sure." James chuckles. "You guys go ahead and drown your sorrows in . . . in chocolate and liquor, and I'll sit back here and laugh about it." He leans back in his chair and crosses his legs, folding his hands behind his head in a middle-aged man sort of action. Lily very nearly snorts at the image of Prongs the Marauder Matriarch, finally growing up.

Only he's not growing up _too_ much, because a second later she feels a light pinch on her behind. She whirls around to glare at her husband as he continues, "Me, I'll drown my sorrows in my wife."

"Good luck with that one, mate." Sirius grins and pours himself more Firewhiskey. "Looks like the only thing that'll be drowning in Lily tonight is you. And not quite the way you seemed to want to go."

"Ah, Sirius, how little you know my little flower," James professes. "See how she leans her cheek upon her fine hand and smiles at me?"

Lily kicks him and fixes her glare on Sirius. She really wishes he wouldn't encourage her husband like this. "See how she arches her fine hand above her shoulder and prepares to smack?" she asks James, raising her eyebrows at him.

"As long as she only prepares . . ." he hedges.

"Do you want to take the chance?"

He looks from her to the Marauders. Her hand trembles and begins to go down.

"Not really!"


	82. lily & james & harry ii

**Happy Thanksgiving, to those of you guys in America. And if you're not, well . . . just happy Thursday :) Review?**

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_I will never do that to another person:_

_June 1981_

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James is playing with eleven month old Harry by the fire, tickling him and laughing nearly as hard as the baby. Lily comes in quietly and stands just watching them for a while. The house is so much brighter with Harry's chortles to fill it, and something in her _knows _that that joy won't last forever, and sometime Harry _will _grow up.

Lily wants another baby.

She _knows _she shouldn't, that with the Order and the war and the prophecy there's just no way. But somewhere deep in her heart, she _needs_ one. That need clouds the night, as she feeds Harry and splashes dishwater on James and does all the normal routines. And later, when Harry is asleep and her and James' room is darkened; when she hopes the night will make James as unreasonable as she suspects she's being, Lily whispers her need to her husband.

"Lily, we can't!" James' voice is desperate and scratchy in the dark, and she thinks that secretly, he feels the same way she does. "This war that Harry's growing up in, the danger, the lies . . . I will never do that to another person."

He's right, of course. He nearly always is. Lily tells him as much as her eyes fill with tears and she curls into a little ball, doubled over from _wanting_.

"Oh, Lily." James scoots over beside her, wrapping her in his warm, strong arms and twining one hand through her hair. "Lily, the war can't last forever. We'll make it out, all three of us, and then . . . then you can fill the house with babies; we can have—well, have fifty if you want them!" Carried away for a moment, his tone now sobers as he whispers so close to her ear that his breath tickles, "I promise."

She snuggles tighter in his chest, the empty feeling in her heart diminishing a little bit as she listens to his words and tries so, so hard to believe.


	83. lily & the first order viii

_Right now, I don't even care:_

_December 1979_

_-_

"Peter, don't be thick," Fabian snaps. "You can't go yet. You _heard_ Mad-Eye; we're the second wave, and we _can't _go for another ten minutes."

Peter's eyes snap as he glares at Fabian, pacing back and forth along the little brick sidewalk outside of some Muggle who's on vacation's house in Leicester that's become a temporary headquarters. "They don't know what they're going into," he tells him fiercely. "They don't know how many there may be."

"And you think you do? Merlin!" Fabian throws up his hands in exasperation, and Lily and Alice Longbottom finger their wands even tighter, out of nerves and worry—for either of these hotheaded men.

"You know what, right now I don't even care!" Peter says this uncharacteristically loudly, staring down Fabian until the other man pulls himself up to full height.

"My brother," Fabian says icily, "Is fighting right now. But I know my place, and I know that Mad-Eye understands battle, and I know that we are supposed to _wait right here _until this clock"—he pointed rather violently to the stopwatch Lily was clutching tighter and tighter—"says exactly three minutes 'til."

"But we're not strong enough!" Peter's face is lined with worry as he seemingly skitters up and down the street. "Moody _knew_ full well that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would be sending his best Death Eaters out, and all we have there now is him, Gideon, Sirius, and Caradoc!"

"Who are some of _our_ best wizards," Alice points out softly, gentle face pinched with worry. "Pete, why are you so upset?"

He looks up and down the street, then scuffles his feet sadly in the dirt. "I just thought we should go, that's all," he said with a small shrug. "I—you guys are probably right."

_Peter_ was right. When he and Lily and Alice and Fabian get in, the meadow is alight with curses, slippery with blood. Gideon is fighting fiercely, back to back with Mad-Eye whose right leg is so covered in blood that even in the thick of the melee, Lily can't hold back a gasp. Sirius dances wildly between curses and is the cause of most of the Death Eater bloodshed, while Caradoc curses quietly, calmly, and with perfect precision.

The fight is hopeless, and even Mad-Eye admits it. He bellows, "Fall back," and staggers to spin around into Disapparation. It's a miracle that the eight of them are hurt but not wounded, thinks Lily as she topples back onto the cobblestones of the Leicester house, immediately setting to work trying to heal the other fighters.

Peter is pale and drawn; even Lily notices amid her hurried spellwork, although she doesn't think anyone else does. He refuses her help and Apparates back to his, Remus', and Sirius' flat as soon as Mad-Eye has been sent, with great protest, to Saint Mungo's to get his leg looked at.

She doesn't ask him what's wrong, and never remembers to regret that omission. No one else even notices what took place.

Their mistake.


	84. lily & james xxii

_For xOx-Pratty-Prongsie's-Prescious-Pretty-Princess-xOx -  
I tried to write you a kissing in the rain scene, because any good romance should have one ...  
that didn't quite happen, and it's not exactly fluffy, but I hope you enjoy it anyway_

_I will always look out for you:  
(it's the deeper message in this chapter ;) )_

_December 1977_

_-_

Lily hates her sister. She does. She hates Petunia.

The rain is falling hard as she hurries out of the great hall, letter clutched in one hand. _Don't bother coming home for Christmas, _it reads, _Mum and Dad and I are busy with the wedding. Did they tell you I got engaged?_

It's what sisters do, Lily tells herself. They fight and say things they don't mean; she knows Petunia doesn't mean any of this because once upon a time, she was so _nice _and _loyal_ and _protective_. Hogwarts shattered all of that, but shattered pieces are mendable; aren't they? Aren't they?

Water runs down her face, and it's just rain, no tears, as she stands on the edge of the courtyard and starts to run, to run far away from here and back to home where everything should be so simple. She won't let herself cry, so she leaps down the steps and runs across the ground, breath ragged in her throat as she tries tries tries to think about anything but the letter that Petunia couldn't have meant.

Finally she ends up by the lake, doubled over and panting, uniform drenched and ink stains running down her wrists in rivulets from the ruined letter. Someone might be looking for her, she thinks abstractly, but the day is so gray that no one could see her.

No one but James Potter, that is. Of course he would have come for her, for even now that they're Heads and Just Friends and Getting Along, he still watches her when he thinks no one is paying attention. Like today; like when she left the great hall.

"What's wrong?" he asks, appearing through the mist like some sort of a vision of scruffy hair and soggy robes, by her side in an instant.

"It's not important," Lily tells him. It surprises her how easy the lie slides off her tongue. But it doesn't surprise James Potter.

"That's not true," he tells her matter of factly. His tone is so frank that it disarms Lily, because James Potter has never been this bitingly honest, not with _her_. Not when he's usually all charm and happiness with a side of Wanting.

"It's a long story," she says, finally starting to cry. Just a little bit, because Lily will never let James Potter, not even this new one that she's Just Friends with see her breaking.

But because this is James Potter, he sees through the rain and sees her tears. Because this is a changed James Potter, he doesn't say anything to try to make her talk. He runs one hand through his now soaked hair, looks at her for a moment, and turns to go back to the castle.

And Lily doesn't want that. She wants him to come back; wants him to save her; wants him . . . "Wait," whispers Lily.

Because this is James Potter, he hears her. He turns around and takes her in his arms, and doesn't care that they're sitting on damp grass in the middle of a downpour as she sobs in his arms.

And even though this is James Potter, Lily Evans starts to love him just a little bit.


	85. lily & sirius viii

_For Super Cara -  
(and the other person who I think (but can't remember) requested more Sirius)_

_Do not yell at me:_

_November 1972_

_-_

Lily really, really wished that Severus hadn't come down with dragon pox and spread it to James when they were in some silly spat during Herbology, because if Severus and James were there, she and Sirius wouldn't have to work together in Potions. Slughorn seemed to have thought he was doing them both a favor, letting Lily work with the esteemed Black boy and Sirius with his best student—but it was anything but.

"Morning, Evans," Sirius said as she dumped her books on the table beside him, sounding as happy about the arrangement as she was.

"Morning, Black," she said in sullen reply before turning her book to the page on Dizzy Potions that they were supposed to be brewing today.

Slughorn told the class to follow the directions and figure the potion out themselves, so Sirius and Lily had a bit of a mumble to decide who would do what. Then Lily headed off to the storage cupboard to measure out ingredients the precise amount—she wouldn't trust Black with a balance, that was for sure!

All went fine with the potion, if awkwardly with the two Gryffindors, for most of the class period. Then, as Lily was measuring the last ingredient, a quarter weight of boomslang skin, she heard a shocked cry coming from the direction of their potions bench.

"Sirius!" Lily shouted, running back to find their cauldron boiling over in a faintly purple slime, "What did you _do_?"

He turned to her with a grimace. He'd been frantically stirring at the goo when she'd run over, and he continued to do so. "I . . . um, I'm not . . . not quite sure what I did, Evans," he replied. "But I wish I hadn't!"

Lily stared at the ruined potion in horror. "I think you can stop that now!" she cried, rounding on Sirius and pulling the paddle out of his hands.

"Well, don't _yell_ at me," he replied angrily, yanking it back. "I'm _trying_ to help." He put it back into the thickening glop.

"Haven't you ever heard that stirring slime makes it multiply?" Lily cried as she tried in vain to vanish some of the oozed-out goo.

Sirius shook his head at her.

"Well, neither have I," she admitted. "But I bet it doesn't help!"

Lily took over the paddle and tried prodding at the goo with it as Sirius looked guiltily over towards Professor Slughorn's desk, then back to her. "Er," he began, "Hypothetically speaking, if one was to drop a sort of . . . sweet . . . by accident into the potion, what might the result be?"

"You dropped a _sweet_ into our _potion_?" Lily asked incredulously. Sweets and Dizzy Potion, much like sweets and _being_ dizzy, didn't mix.

"Not exactly . . ." he hedged.

"Which means . . .?"

"Well, it was technically a sugar quill."

At Lily's look of horror, Sirius quickly added, "But I fished it out again!"

For the first time, Lily noticed that his left hand was tucked behind his back. "Oh, and how did that work for you?" she asked, incredibly kindly (which really meant, dangerously).

"About as well as the potion," he admitted, sighing and holding his hand out in front of him. It was a bright, bright purple with little lumps that looked like uncooked porridge all over it.

No matter how much Sirius professed that day that his hand's new appearance was the coolest thing ever, Lily couldn't help but gloat. There was justice in the world after all.


	86. lily & the first order ix part i

**Not particularly exciting, but it had to happen at some point in the war. Caradoc's line about a hospital and Lily's thoughts following references chapter 34, where he mispronounces the word. Enjoy :)**

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* * *

_

_We need to get her to the hospital, now:_

_1979_

_-_

"Diffindo!"

It was the last thing Lily heard before she crumpled to the ground, a flower of crimson blooming across her shirt. Around her the skirmish waged, desperate and fiercer than before as Caradoc, Frank, and Alice all brandished their wands for Lily's life.

The last Death Eater Apparated away as Lily began to be aware of things—pounding headache, sticky feeling on her chest, sore, voices . . . lying on the ground as she was, she could hear clearly the different sets of footsteps as the three Order members hurried towards her.

"Is she alright?" she heard Alice's gentle voice say. A cool hand brushed across her cheek.

"_Dormirate_," Caradoc muttered gruffly. "There. That'll hold her, but we need to get her to the—the hospital now. And someone tell the Potter lad!"

_He didn't say hobsital_, Lily thought hazily of her mentor. _He has learned something from me after all._

"Come on, then." One of the men; Frank, she thought, picked her up and began carrying her out of the village. Lily tried to crack one eye open and tell them that she was okay, but it was so heavy, and she just _couldn't_ budge it. When she tried speaking her throat was dry and cracked, and all she managed was a small squeak.

"She coming to?" Caradoc asked, running one gnarled finger along her forehead. "Let's Apparate her to Saint Mungo's now; I think she'll be able to make it."

"I'll tell James," Alice said. Lily could hear her hurrying away, then the pop of Disapperation.

"Ready to Apparate her, Frank?" Caradoc asked. The other man nodded, she supposed, because his grip on her tightened. A second later she felt the tug on her belly as they spun through the sky.

Lily curled her fingernails around Frank's arm. Then she blacked out.


	87. lily & the marauders vi

**I am going to write a follow up to the previous chapter, but in the meantime, under the daze of the season's first snow, I wrote this :) Also because young Marauders/Lily(/Dorcas) are so much fun as twelve year olds!**

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* * *

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_I was only joking:_

_January 1972_

_-_

Lily set off across the grounds towards Herbology with Dorcas, shivering as snowflakes covered her hair, robes, and cheeks. It was the first snowfall of the season, and all of Hogwarts was a sparkling, beautiful white—this was how she loved the castle most.

"Hey, Evans! Meadowes!" she heard behind her. Slipping a little in the snow, they turned back to see James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin in a row at the top of the hill, grinning down at the two girls.

"Yeah?" Dorcas called back, shattering the frosty air.

The boys grinned even wider. "Surprise!" they shouted, and whipped a volley of snowballs down on Dorcas and Lily.

"Hey!" Lily shouted, having just taken Sirius' directly between the eyes. "That _hurt_!"

"It was a mean trick, if you ask me," Dorcas added matter of factly. "A very mean trick indeed."

Lily set her books down and stared the four boys head on. "But we don't get mad . . . oh, no indeed. We get _even_."

Sirius gulped audibly. "Like . . ."

Dorcas nodded gleefully. "Oh, yes." She and Lily bent down and scooped up balls of snow, packing it in slow, measured motions. "Ready?" she asked finally. Lily nodded. "Then, aim. Fire!"

Lily's hit Peter in the shoulder and exploded all over James, while Dorcas's was headed straight for Remus who, thinking quickly, pulled out his wand and redirected it into the side of Sirius' head.

"Ow!" he shouted, glaring at his friend and the girls both. "We were only joking!"

Lily laughed. "Maybe you were!" she shouted, firing another snowball at the group. But she and Dorcas sure weren't. This was war.


	88. lily & james xxiii part ii

**Here's the follow up to two chapters ago; hopefully it's realistic. Enjoy :)**

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* * *

_

_I'm sorry. So, so sorry:_

_1979_

_-_

There were soft, worried voices that rustled above her head. That was the first thing Lily noticed. The second was that someone was holding her hand—that James was holding her hand, for no one else's fingers felt like that. And the third was that the bed she was lying in wasn't her own, that she had a pounding headache, and that it felt like her left side had been sliced open.

She opened her eyes with difficulty and tried to sit up as spots swam before her eyes.

"Lily!" James exclaimed. He squeezed her hand and leaned over the bed, face swimming in her slit-open eyes as she struggled to get up. "Lily, I was so worried. Thank Merlin you're all right."

Eyes finally open, she saw Caradoc, Frank, and Alice file discreetly out of the room. "James," she finally whispered, the words getting stuck and cracked in her dry throat, "I'm sorry. So, so sorry."

"What—what for?" His words were as stuck and cracked as her own.

"That I almost let you go. That I almost left and didn't do anything about it."

"Lily Evans Potter, don't you dare say that!" James replied fiercely; channeling, she thought fuzzily, some of her own passion against him of years past at Hogwarts. "Are you implying that you had anything to do with the damn Death Eater's good aim?"

"I wasn't fast enough," she whispered, closing her eyes again. "I wasn't good enough. I almost got myself killed, could have gotten Frank or Alice or Caradoc killed, could have left you and the boys and Dorcas all alone . . . I'm sorry, James."

"Don't you dare be sorry," he told her. "Don't you dare, because this is all my fault, and I shouldn't have let you go alone."

"You bloody idiot . . ." Lily cracked one eye open with great effort, trying to laugh. It came out harsh, wheezing; the pain in her side made her gasp. "You can't always protect me."

"Then why . . . then you . . ." James couldn't form the thought of how it wasn't fair that if she had let him down, he couldn't raise her back up. But it didn't matter, because the sleeping potion they'd given Lily was kicking back in and she was breathing evenly, lying in the middle of the great hospital bed looking too, too small and too, too pale. She was his Lily-flower, and she was safe.

In these times, that was all they could ask for.


	89. lily & harry iii

**As with all the Lily and Harry ones, I'm not a mother, thank Merlin, and know, um, zero babies. Like, ever. So I beg artistic liscense ;) Hope you guys like this one, though; I'm actually rather fond of it.**

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* * *

_

_For Pinky Green's Quotes/Sentences Challenge_

_If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember.  
__You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.  
But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you:_

_August 1981_

_-_

Lily _knows_ that the war is dangerous; has always been dangerous—but now for some reason she's more on edge than normal. Maybe because Peter or Remus or even Sirius haven't come by in a while; maybe because it seems like the battles will drag on and on until everyone has been crushed by Voldemort's tyranny. And maybe because, despite all the horrors she and James have faced, they have each other and Harry, they're safe—and because of that, everything seems almost too good to be true.

Their son is crawling around the room happily, and Lily is ready to cry.

"Ma-ma?" Harry gurgles, coming around to the couch and looking up at her, eyes wide. "Ma-ma?"

She forces a laugh as her heart breaks. "Yes, darling?"

"Sad," He looks up at her with wonder in his eyes. "Sad, Ma-ma."

If her heart was breaking before, now it's in a million pieces as she picks her son up (picks the pieces up). "Let me tell you a story, Harry," she whispers, pressing her cheek to the top of his head and enfolding her in his arms. He bats her with his hands, asking to be let down, but she shakes her head and settles him tighter in her lap.

"Once upon a time," she says softly, fighting back tears, "There was a horrible monster-man who did everything he could to wrench apart families and take people away from the ones they love the most. And no one could stop him, because he was so powerful and so terrible that fight though they might, nothing people did was enough."

Harry quiets now, stopping his struggling to get down and instead laying his hand over Lily's heart with his uncanny one year old sixth-sense. She can't help the small sob that escapes from her throat as she looks down at her son. He's so young, so innocent, and it's _unfair_ that the Dark Lord selected _Harry_ to be the object of the prophecy.

"Listen, darling," she tells him, knowing he can't possibly understand and not caring, because at least these words are _something_, "If there is ever a tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." She has to swallow another sob as she looks down at her little boy, knowing with a horrible certainty that _no mother_ should have to feel that if either of them will leave the other it will be Harry, and that she, Lily, will be powerless to stop it. What is her might compared to the Dark Lord's?

"But the most important thing is—" Harry is curled in her arms now, eyes drooping shut as he suckles on his thumb. "The most important thing is that even if we're apart"—Lily's voice cracks, and she's sure she can't go on. But it's _Harry_ that she's going on for—so she continues, even as she shatters inside. "Even if we're apart, Harry, I'll always be with you."

She _knows_ he can't understand her as sure as she _knows _that one way or another she won't see the end of this war—but the way his eyes stir open and he blinks up at her, Lily could _swear_ that he peeked right into her soul.


	90. lily & the first order x

**This was a hard quote. I really hope you guys enjoy the chapter, and expect some banter-y Hogwarts years chapters coming soon, because I miss the lightness of those years too!**

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* * *

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_He's not going to make it through the night:_

_early 1980_

_-_

"Caradoc!" Lily cries. She runs to the man as he appears back from the mission, haggard and bloodied and _alone_ in the doorway of Godric's Hollow. He doesn't move; not as she throws her arms around him and not as she steps back and asks, terrified, "Where're James and Sirius?"

Caradoc looks right at her, face a blank mask. "James is at Saint Mungo's," he tells her scratchily. "He'll be fine tomorrow. And Sirius . . . and Sirius . . ."

Horrified, any coherent thought leaves Lily's mind as she _pleads_ with anyone who might be listening to spare her husband, to spare her friend. Especially her friend because, oh Merlin, James is fine for now—and that's all she can ask—but Sirius . . . but Sirius . . .

"What _about_ Sirius?" she asks fiercely, daring the world to take him away, because she _knows_ that if he goes, he'll have to be dragged like a sack of (kicking, screaming) potatoes.

"Lily, it's bad," Caradoc says softly. He moves his hand up as if to comfort her, but allows it to fall back to his side almost immediately. "Lily, he . . . he's not going to make it though the night."

"_Liar_!" she shouts, pushing past him and out of the wards without hesitating; with barely a thought but _Sirius_. Damn safety; damn the Fidelius Charm. Let it all go to hell if she can just save her Sirius; just be with her James.

It was a damn stupid thing for her to do; that's why James chokes out to her as she runs into the ward, with both hair and Caradoc flying behind her—Caradoc who didn't want her in this danger, and now doesn't want her in the danger alone.

Lily can't disagree with her husband's words, but she can't agree with him either, because as soon as she sees him there breaking she's so so so glad she came. And so they hold each other through the night, hold each other as healers rush by them without an ounce of hope in their eyes, and hold each other as the sun rises and the healers grow less frantic, and are still holding on when finally, _finally_, a weary man steps out, smiling fit to burst, and tells them that they have a special friend; a friend who somehow defied the odds and will be okay, and that they can come see him.

Sirius is tiny and wan and terrifyingly weak, there on that hospital bed, but he's _alive_, and Lily has never, never been so thankful for him.


	91. lily & petunia iv

**Okay, so it's not fluffy Marauders, but I promise that by around chapter 95, you will definitely be seeing some seventh year action . . . and it's okay to take that statement at a little more than face value ;) (but only a little!)**

**(This one relates to chapter 57 with Lily the flower girl)**

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* * *

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_I hate you:_

_winter 1965-1966_

_-_

"Can I try on your dress, Lily?"

Lily stops spinning between the mirrors in the bridal shop and glares at her sister. "It's _mine_," she pouts.

"That's not _fair_!" Petunia whines right back. She's been dragged along to the bridal party's fitting with Lily and their mother, and has spent hours sitting on a hard bench with the box of stubby, broken crayons the nice dressmaker brought out for her. It's no wonder the eight year old is cranky, but Lily doesn't see it like that. She only sees her sister trying to steal her pretty flower girl dress.

"Mu-um," Tuney cries, "Can't I wear Lily's dress too?"

Their mother comes and takes Tuney's hand, then walks with her back to the sofa. "This is just Lily's dress," she tells Petunia softly. "Only she's being in cousin Elaine's wedding."

"Why aren't I in is too?" Petunia asks, screwing up her face.

"You'll be in the next one, darling," their mother tells her pacifyingly, because what else can she say?

Petunia flounces to another chair and slides down it until the backs of her legs nearly touch the floor. "I hate you," she mutters sullenly to Lily, but Lily doesn't care.

Lily knows she doesn't mean it.


	92. lily & the marauders vii

_Honestly, I'm not making fun of you:_

_February 1974_

_-_

"Oi, Lily!" James called from across the Charms classroom.

She lowered her wand and swallowed the 'Accio' she'd been about to perform, instead turning with raised eyebrows to him and calling back, "What do you want, Potter?"

He grinned widely at her. Lily groaned inwardly.

"The moon, the stars, the world . . ." James flung out his arms exaggeratedly, then shrugged. "Also, you, me, and Hogsmeade."

"Potter," she replied, relishing the banter, "The moon, the stars, and the world are all three more likely to be yours than me and Hogsmeade." She paused; shrugged. "Actually, Hogsmeade is likely too. But me?"

To illustrate her point, she summoned the top cushion from the pile on Flitwick's desk, catching it easily before turning back to James with a smug smile. "Some things just weren't mean to be."

James looked at her disappointedly, and then a pillow slammed into his head. Lily could _kiss_ Peter Pettigrew, in the seat behind James, for mastering the Summoning Charm at such a perfect, perfect time.

"Ow!" squawked James, rubbing his hair around where the pillow mussed it. "That was a dirty trick! Do you have to rub salt into my maidenly wounds?"

Black, Pettigrew, and even Lupin were too busy sniggering to pay any attention to their battered friend, and Lily quickly joined in on the laughter.

"Ah, Evans," James sighed, pulling himself back together, "You too? And here, I always hoped you cared."

Sirius grinned even harder. "Why on _earth_ would you think that?" he asked, laughing even more when James gave him a withering stare.

"You guys are just making fun of me," he sighed, and summoned a cushion of his own, put it on his seat, and plopped down with what was most definitely fake dejection.

"Honestly, we're not!" Sirius told him, patting him on the head kindly. "What is it that they say? . . . Oh yes. We're making fun with you."

Lily rolled her eyes, chuckling slightly as the boys continued to insult James. If nothing else, they certainly provided rather excellent entertainment during Charms class.


	93. lily & molly

_For xOx-Pratty-Prongsie's-Precious-Pretty-Princess-xOx -_

_I can't:_

_February 1980_

_-_

Molly Weasley comes to the flat one day when James is out, bearing a basket of tea that she says helps with the nausea that's come with Lily's pregnancy, as well as the comfort and empathy—for she is due next month—that Lily needs right now. From the moment that Lily opens the door to let the woman in, she is awed by the woman's sheer presence, the way she bustles around and makes herself at home completely unobtrusively.

When both are settled on the sofa with a steaming mug of tea in their hands, Molly leans forward, one hand splayed across her enormous belly, and asks Lily gently, "How _are_ you, dear?"

Something in her tone touches Lily. She knows that Molly doesn't mean it shallowly, that she doesn't expect a "fine; you?" answer, because like Lily, by now Molly knows pregnancy, and she knows that for Lily it's not that simple. It can never be, not for a nineteen year old _girl_ who wants to be fighting and helping and never, never planned on _this_.

"I'm . . ." She sips the tea slowly, fighting down the bile in her throat as she answers, "I'm trying."

Molly nods understandingly. "These first few months are the hardest. I don't know how I got through it, my first time."

"Does it . . . go away?" Lily asks. "The morning sickness, the tiredness, all the weight I've gained?" She laughed, a little bit. "I guess I know the answer to the last one, at least. But Molly, I . . . I want to just _slap_ James and Sirius and even Rem and Pete sometimes, and I know they don't deserve it, but . . . but I'm so angry, and I don't why, because I think . . . I think I love this baby, but it's so, so easy to not. And—well, does it get easier?"

"Oh, it gets worse," Molly assures her, touching Lily's arm softly. "But it's worth it, all of it. No matter how trite it sounds coming from me now, when you've got so long left to carry your child, I promise you won't want to change anything. Not once they're born."

Lily grips her mug of tea as tightly as she can and, again, looks at the older woman who is so comfortable, assured, warm. She knows that _Molly_ won't regret anything—but she hopes, she hopes that she, _Lily_, won't either. Because Molly was made to be a mother. One look at her, and that's all you can possibly think. But Lily always hoped she was there for something greater; that she would be more than just someone's mum.

The way Molly is nodding at her, an understanding half smile on her lips, Lily can feel a kindred spirit in her. No matter how different they are, they are both just women, just trying to do the right thing the only way they know how.

"Are you nervous?" Molly asks a few moments later, wincing and taking a sip of tea.

"Are you . . ." Lily grimaces. "Do you feel okay?"

"Oh, fine," Molly says, looking a little surprised. "My baby's just being active today." She sets the mug down carefully and takes Lily's hands. "Here; you can feel," she tells her.

"I—" Lily feels awkward and wrong. "I can't. I shouldn't . . ."

"Nonsense," Molly says lightly. "You'll be feeling it soon enough anyway."

Lily tentatively lays one hand on Molly's abdomen, and is almost frightened to feel the sudden kick from the baby inside. Something in her heart flutters as she meets Molly's eyes, shocked and amazed and for the first time a little bit excited. And Molly looks back at her with a knowing smile.

"Thank you," Lily whispers, knowing that the words are completely inadequate.

But that's okay. Molly understands.


	94. lily & james ixx

_I will wait for you:_

_April 1974_

_-_

"You're beautiful," he tells her.

"You're ugly," Lily counters back.

James grins. "You shine like the sun."

"You stink like a hippogriff."

"You're perfect."

"You're imperfectly flawed."

James does the math in his head of Lily's previous statement, trying to decide if it's a hidden compliment, a hidden adoration, or anything different from their previous banter. Finally, shrugging, he tips his head jauntily and says, "You're stunning."

"You're revolting."

"You make me melt into a puddle of love."

Lily raises one eyebrow. "I'll stamp through your love-puddle in muddy boots."

"I won't care."

"Then I'll stamp harder."

"Then I'll pull you under."

"Then I'll swim away."

"Then I'll turn into a whirlpool." James mimes it, spinning around and around the common room until his glasses fly off his face.

"Then I'll turn into a bird and fly away."

"No fair!" James protests. "No Animagi allowed."

"Oh, right." Lily shakes her head. "You can be a _whirlpool_, and I can't grow wings?"

He grins triumphantly at her. "Birds can't swim, anyway. Once you're in the whirlpool, you're trapped."

"Of course." With a slightly amused, slightly frustrated sigh, Lily stands up and gathers a stack of books. "I'll figure out a way out of this pickle on my way to the library."

"Hurry back."

She rolls her eyes. "Like a snail. Or a slug."

"Or a cheetah?"

"Or a turtle."

He shrugs. "I'll wait for you."

"Don't hold your breath."

As good humored as ever, James chuckles, "Whirlpools don't have to worry about that, Evans."


	95. lily & james xxv

_To all of you, because (hopefully) you've all been waiting for this one.  
(and hopefully it it doesn't disappoint)_

_You've changed:_

_March 1978_

_-_

_It's perfectly normal for two Heads to sit on a rock by the lake late at night for no reason,_ Lily tells herself as she wraps her arms around herself, chilled by the cold but very much warmed by James' presence beside her. Very, very much. They've talked about trite things and deep things, and now they're moving onto dangerous things; dangerous confessions that Lily thinks she wants but just doesn't quite know.

And James takes a deep breath, gulps a little, and plows into words she's maybe known all along but sound so beautiful coming from him. "I've liked you all year," he tells her bravely. "Nothing's changed, really, since last year or the year before or the one before that."

"Wha—no." He's wrong about the last part, and Lily leans a little closer to James as she speaks; like him, under the cover of the night and the stars, she is a little bit braver. "Everything's changed. You've changed."

They sit there for a few seconds silently, because Lily doesn't have anything more to say—_Potter, just snog me already_ doesn't seem like a viable option—and James doesn't know _what_ to say. But the March wind is cold, the castle clock tolls eleven, and the night won't be theirs for much longer.

"Should we go in?" James asks, reluctant as he shifts from his side of the rock they've been sharing.

"We probably should," Lily agrees. "We have classes in the morning." _But I have you right now_, she adds silently. _So we probably should stay a little longer._

James is no Legilimens, and the night hasn't made Lily _quite _brave enough to voice her thought. So they walk back with something unfinished between them—something that nags at Lily as they go through the portrait hole and stand, awkward, at the foot of the steps to the girl's dormitory.

"Well . . ." James casts a glance around the common room. "Well, night then, Lily." He nods at her, smiling tightly (disappointedly), and begins to walk towards his own staircase.

Lily watches his figure move across the dark room, moving away from her steadily and slowly—and he's not the James she knew; he's not, he's not, and suddenly all she wants is this James she likes so much, this year . . . and suddenly she's brave, and suddenly she's _flying_ across the common room, tripping over the low table by the fire—but it doesn't matter, because he's turning around; he sees her and catches her and grabs her into his arms.

She stays there for a moment, still half on the ground, looking up into his eyes. And before he can blink, she leans up and kisses him. It's a light peck, but it is like _nothing_ she has ever felt before: the curve of his lips, his hand on the small of her back, his sudden gasp.

"Lily . . ." he starts, pulling her all the way to her feet. She's never felt more vulnerable then now, for in that one kiss, she poured out her _soul _to James Potter. "Lily, you really . . .?"

He leaves the question hanging, and she hopes to Merlin she gets it right when she nods, because _yes, she really wants this_, but what if he was saying _you really don't want me, do you?_ Or _this was all a mistake._

But it wasn't a mistake—it wasn't. Because his hand is tracing her cheek, and his lips are moving towards hers, and they come together. This time there's nothing accidental or rushed about the kiss, and Lily is even more sure that this is _right_.

The clock chimes the quarter hour and Lily Evans kisses James Potter in the darkened Gryffindor common room, because impossible things are happening everyday.


	96. lily & the first order xi

**This one follows chapter 71, where Lily, James, and Frank discovered the Bones family, dead.**

_

* * *

_

_Every time I see it, I cry:  
(quote modified because James would not cry. or, not admit to it ;) )_

_early 1979_

_-_

Going to the Bones' funeral is the hardest thing Lily has ever done. She still remembers finding them like it was yesterday: Edgar fallen like a king in the front hall and Mathilda curled across Janie, sacrificing everything for her daughter.

James remembers too. So does Frank. For the Phoenixes who weren't there, it hurts to see the Boneses dead, because they were such a _good_ family. But it _rips_ at Lily and James and Frank, because nothing they've ever seen was as terrible as opening up the door to the Bones' cottage that morning.

"I understand if you don't want to go, Lily," James tells her as they dress slowly and solemnly, almost sounding as if he's hoping that she'll suggest they stay.

"I do," she assures him, "But, James, if you don't, I'll stay with you."

"No," he replies. Then, louder and more high pitched, "No, I want to be there."

"You're sure?" Lily comes to stand by her husband, wrapping her arms around his waist and pillowing her head on his chest. "You don't have to. Really, James. I understand how . . . horrible it was, and I don't hardly want to either, but I know they would have come for us."

"I know, Lily." James' tone is soothing, despite the inadequacy of her words and the clear _pain_ in his.

"You're sure?" she asks again, desperate.

"It's just . . ." He stares out the window, drifting off into another, emotionless, world. "Every time I think about them, my throat seizes up and I choke on everything, on all the memories they left behind."

It's her turn to soothe him now; she hugs him tighter and whispers, "I know, James."

They go to the funeral. They go, and they cry, and they reminisce, and they don't feel even the slightest bit better. No one does. But grief is easier when it's shared, and maybe that's why Lily is so glad that they went after all.


	97. lily & james xxvi

**Just in case you didn't get your fill of upset!James last chapter ;) I just found this one in my notebook, so even though I've already written this quote (chapter 49), I'm putting it up. It follows chapter 25 where Dumbledore tells Lily and James about the prophecy and James runs out. Also, in the interest of shameless self promotion, I just finished a twoshot called Break about Sirius and Marlene McKinnon; it ended up being one of my favorite things I've written. In case you're looking for something to read after this rather mediocre chapter ;D**

* * *

_This is our only chance:_

_late January, 1980_

_-_

After Dumbledore finishes talking to Lily, she hurries away to find James, worried at what he might have done. Classes are in session, so the grounds are deserted. But on the bank of the lake stands a lone figure, rhythmically bringing his arm back and heaving a stone at a time across the water. Lily's heart sinks, but she approaches him gently, laying one hand on his arm to stop him from throwing the rest of his pebbles.

"You okay?" she asks softly, squeezing his hand.

Exhaling a long breath, James replies angrily, "No, I'm bloody well not! How does Dumbledore know what's best, Lily? Just because he _is_ Albus Dumbledore? Well, how are we supposed to stay in hiding until the baby's born, maybe for years? Does he really think just because I'm supposed to be out of sight means I'll stop fighting for our cause when the prophecy doesn't even refer to our cause?"

"It's referring to our son, James," Lily tells him tautly.

"But the Order's lost so many recently! They need me."

"_I_ need you," Lily replies, tears starting to slip down her cheeks. "Damn hormones," she adds with something between a sob and a chuckle, lowering herself slowly to the ground and drawing her legs slightly up, as close as she can get to hugging her knees to her chest now, with the baby.

"Oh, Lily." James is sitting beside her in an instant, arms tight around her. "I'm still not used to hearing you say things like that."

"It's been two years I've loved you, prat," she cries. "And, please, for me, for our baby . . . this is our only chance."

James doesn't say anything for a long, long time, and Lily doesn't move either—just keeps stone still, silent tears soaking the front of his shirt. And then his arms are tighter around her as he draws her to her feet, and he's whispering into her hair, "Lily, I'd never think of doing anything else."


	98. lily & severus ix

_Never say that:_

_March 1975_

_-_

The walk from breakfast to Potions was tense between Lily and Severus, as Sev had come up to her in the Great Hall just as James spouted some line about the starry light that shone so magnificently from her. Instead of deigning to answer him, Lily had simply called to Sev and huffed away down the hall. They continued nearly to the dungeons, Severus struggling to keep up.

"Well?" he finally asked, finally panting into place beside her. "Are you going to say yes?"

"_What_?" Lily whirled around to face Severus directly in the hall. "Are you talking about saying yes to James Potter and his arrogant, rule breaking, _stupid_ self?"

He nodded with curled lip.

"Of _course_ not!" she cried. "Sev, why on earth can you even imagine me saying yes?"

The boy winced and started to continue down the hall. "People are staring, Lily," he sighed.

"Let them!" She stamped her foot; two seventh year old boys grinned and mimicked her behind her back.

"Lily . . ."

"And just so you know," she continued loudly, completely oblivious, "I will never say that. Yes to James Potter, that is."

Severus breathed a sigh of relief as he watched the fire burning in Lily's eyes and for the first time believed her that no one could loathe someone so fully and end up falling in love with them. If he'd paid attention to the passion only, then Severus Snape might have been prepared—but her hatred was enough for him.

Hatred had always been enough for him.


	99. lily & james xxvii

_I have something to show you:_

_May 1978_

_-_

"Lily?" James asked, appearing before her in the deserted common room. "I have something to show you."

She set down her Transfiguration essay gladly and turned to him with a smile. "What is it?" She'd left him a spot on the sofa in case he wanted to sit down, but the way James fidgeted before her, sitting seemed to be the furthest thing from his mind.

"Do you promise you won't freak out?" he asked. "Or . . . or scream, or be angry that I haven't shown you before?"

"Um . . ." Lily bit her lip. "I guess so. What is it, James?"

"And you won't tell _anyone_?" he continued. "That's the most important thing of all."

"It doesn't hurt anyone, does it?"

"No!" he assured her. "Not at all."

"Then I promise," Lily said, meeting his eyes and nodding.

"Okay. Its name is Prongs."

"What?" she began, but James' eyes had closed, and he wore a look of immense concentration. Then, faster than Lily could blink, a magnificent stag stood in James' place.

Lily gasped and clapped her hands to her mouth, stiffening as the deer stepped slowly towards her. "You . . . you're an Animagi!" she whispered, realization dawning on her.

The stag bowed its head, nodding as it—he—came up beside her, an invitation.

"That's amazing," she murmured. James butted his head against her hand, so, feeling both awed and timid, she brushed her fingers over the fur on his back.

The stag gave a little shiver of enjoyment; Lily, grinning, threw away her shyness and dug her fingers into his thick coat, scratching him along his spine. It was lucky that it was past midnight and the rest of Gryffindor house was long in bed, or someone would have walked in on a surprising scene: their Head Girl laughing and patting the tamest deer they'd ever seen. But the common room was Lily and James'—or Prongs', as it were—alone.

"Prongs, huh?" Lily asked with a grin when James turned back to his normal messy-haired and very much human self and joined her on the sofa.

He smiled back at her, a little bit satisfied and a little bit timid. "You like?"

"I _love_," she assured him. "It's . . . incredible." And it was, but there was so much more to Prongs the stag than just _incredible_, and Lily felt a bit guilty for all the years she'd sneered at James' magical ability.

"Oh good," he told her; she could tell he'd been honestly worried about her reaction. "Good," he repeated as she snuggled closer to him and rested her head against his chest with a contented sigh.

"I like Prongs a lot," she told him in a sleepy whisper. "But I like James a lot more."

* * *

**Merry Chrismas Eve or Christmas to all of you, whichever it is when you read this. Have a wonderful holiday :)**


	100. lily

**I'm going to go all sappy on you guys for a few sentences, because until about a week ago it didn't seem like I'd ever be at the end, and now I'm writing the last AN to the last chapter and it's really just ... odd to realize that starting now, this story is Over. To everyone who's ever read, reviewed, alerted, or favorited: thank you. And my regular readers, you inspired and encouraged me so much, and I have just loved getting to know so many of you, in whatever small way. For everyone else, whether you're reading this next week or next year, I'll always want to hear what you thought. This has been my favorite thing ever to write; it's incredible, imagining a character and her relations with so many other people so thoroughly: definitely a feeling I recommed :) (if you have several months of your life to spare ;D ) Anyway, thank you, much love, and I really hope you enjoy this final chapter.**

_

* * *

_

_It's all over:_

_-_

_late night, October 31, 1981_

_-_

In her son's bedroom, Lily makes her last stand. Her husband is dead and her world is shattering at her feet, but she tries to defeat the madness anyway, for Harry.

"Take me instead," she pleads—or she thinks she does, but _so many_ pleas are tumbling from her mouth now; so many useless words that can't possibly stand up against dark magic. Still, they're _something_, so she continues to throw them in the Dark Lord's face. "Not my son. Not Harry."

It's hopeless. She knows it is. Why would he kill a woman with fire in her eyes and defiance on her lips and just leave the object of the prophecy behind? But with James gone and the Order unknowing of the way their wards have been breached—and, oh, she doesn't want to even _think_ about why the Dark Lord was able to get around the Fidelius Charm—there's nothing for her to do but feign courage and selflessness. She's about to _die _here, and for the first time in her life, Lily Evans is powerless.

Steeling herself, Lily grips her beautiful son to her breast and memorizes _everything_. The Dark Lord's laughter echoes high and cold behind her, but it sounds far removed now: everything is a different life but for her and her child.

"It's all over for me," she whispers to Harry. Then louder, to the wind and sky and stars, "But, Merlin, don't let it be for my son."

-

_early morning, November 1, 1981_

_-_

Sirius wakes up with a jerk, and he doesn't know why. But something in him screams _James_, _Lily_, _Harry_, and even as he tries and tries to calm his racing heart, his mouth is dry and he can't catch his breath. So he yanks on a tee shirt and leaps onto his motorbike—_just to check_, he tells himself. _Just to be certain the Fidelius Charm is still alright._

As soon as Godric's Hollow comes into view, he knows that something's wrong. The village is all alight, doors and windows glowing from charred embers and unnatural light coming from a little house on its outskirts—a house that's been invisible for a year now, and should never have reappeared: not unless the Fidelius Charm had been broken.

"Oh _Godric_!" Sirius roars, jerking the bike handlebars down and plummeting to earth, a falling star. "No. No, no, _no_!"

He jumps off the bike before it hits the ground; is splattered with mud as the handlebars finally crash down. But he's already halfway to the door—the door hanging off his hinges—and he's there, he's there, and in the doorway is his best friend.

His best friend.

For a moment, Sirius just stares. This isn't really James, not this figure slumped on the threshold of his house. This person isn't laughing, and his hair is only a little messy, and his glasses are shattered in their frames, and _it isn't James_.

But just to check, he calls out, "Prongs?" The word shrieks in his throat, ripping out to the tip of his tongue and biting as it reaches the fallen figure. The word _hurts_. But not as much as Sirius does.

"Lily!" he screams. "Lily, Harry, where are you?" He charges up the stairs, crashing through broken crystal and splintered wood until he comes to the only, only other place that Lily could be.

Her hair has slipped across her face, and her body is at the foot of the cradle in his godson's room. She rests there uncomfortably, a look of defiance and red hot anger on what few of her features peek through the tangled red veil. This time, Sirius has no words. He staggers out of the room and falls to his knees in the hallway, _how _and _who _and _why _screaming through his mind. "It's all over," he gasps to the shattered house. "Everything. Gone."

Back where Lily rests, he hears a wail: slow at first and then building into a terrible, horrified, mourning keen. And Sirius remembers what he forgot.

"Harry?" he whispers. "Harry, Harry, Harry."

He repeats the word like a mantra as he stumbles to his feet and somehow—he has no idea how he's this strong—walks back into the room he's just left. It's the hardest five feet he's ever gone.

"Harry," he whispers, and pulls the baby from the crib and shields him against his chest. "Harry."

-

_afternoon November 1, 1981_

_-_

During all the chaos and celebration of the Dark Lord's defeat, Severus hears two words: _Lily_ and _dead_. Those are the only ones that matter, so everything else slips away with his sanity as somehow, somehow, he stumbles back to his flat and collapses inside, because _it wasn't supposed to end like this_.

The celebration outside taunts him. The ones laughing and dancing and drinking, they didn't know her, and they don't understand that people _died_ to bring the Dark Lord down—and Severus has to repress thoughts that he killed too (he killed because he had to), because the Dark Lord _promised _that Lily would be spared. _Dumbledore_ promised that she would be spared.

How could the two greatest wizards of all time both be so wretchedly _wrong_? "Wrong," he chokes, "Wrong, wrong, wrong." By now, Severus doesn't know if he means them or him or the Cause he fought for with his whole heart, forgetting all that he could lose.

His flat is empty and his heart is empty, and Severus Snape is twenty two years old and ready to _die_ with his pretty Lily.

"It's all over," he says, and doesn't even try to make himself believe that the statement is anything but true. "It's all over."

-

_evening, November 1, 1981_

_-_

Remus has no words to heal his cracked, broken, _crushed_ world. The sun slips beneath the hills and shadows lengthen as he lies, heartsick, on his bed.

How could Lily and James be dead?

How could Harry have brought down He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?

And oh Merlin, _how_ could Sirius have betrayed them all?

(How could he, Remus, never have realized?)

He looks out the window to the moon, half full, and for the first time in his life, Remus wishes that he could become the wolf. Because wolves don't feel, and wolves don't love, and wolves don't have friendships like the ones Remus had—and even if they did, a wolf could never, never be this _ripped apart_ by the lie that the past ten years have been. Padfoot, the Marauders: everything was all false.

He loved them. They saved his _life_, in more ways than anyone would ever know. They _were_ his life. So how could everything have gone so horribly wrong?

Remus the man rakes his fingers along his face and tries to shut out the world and become the wolf: feral, raw, wild. But every minute he lets his guard down, all of them dance across his vision: Lily laughing and teasing James, Harry splattering Sirius with tomato sauce, and Peter; Peter so pale and drawn trying to tell Remus how worried he was that one of them was passing information to the Dark Lord.

He hates them all. (He does. He does.) Lily and James for leaving him, Peter for not doing anything when he _knew_ that Sirius betrayed them, Sirius for being as black as his blood. But most of all, Remus hates himself for never realizing, after all those years of friendship, when the tight-spun web that had been the Marauders began to split open. Because of all four of them, he privately thinks, the friendship meant the most to him. And he guarded it with everything he had—just never thought to check for betrayal from the inside.

"You left me here!" he screams to his friends, wherever they may be right now. "Here to rot in what you—what you've done to me!"

It's a mercy when the moment of the wolf leaves him, and Remus curls into a sobbing, shaking ball at the foot of the bed. "It's all over," he whispers to himself, chasing visions of happier days at Hogwarts away. "They're over.

"I'm over."

-

_night, November 1, 1981_

_-_

Peter skitters along through the sewers, one paw bleeding profusely from the finger he left behind with Padfoot—no, Sirius—no. With _Black_ on the Muggle street. It leaves a trail of blood that smells like _guilt_. The Marauders are broken, and it's _all his fault_. They welcomed him and helped him and loved him, and he repaid them by turning traitor; going to Voldemort; relinquishing everything they'd given him.

Now he's paid for his cowardice. James is dead, and Lily with him. Remus loathes Sirius. And Sirius will be hated, remembered forever as the Man Who Betrayed His Best Friend. The group of boys that ruled Hogwarts in a reign of pranks and laughter are no more, and so much of what they once were is a lie. Even Peter Pettigrew, the biggest liar of all, is disappointed.

He knows that his name will be remembered as the poor, foolish boy who tried to stand up against injustice: Peter Pettigrew, stupid little hero. And even that pithy little legacy physically hurts, because he had to do it to get away alive, but it didn't make it any easier to see the shock and rage and hurt and betrayal on Sirius' face as he realized that Peter would escape and he would be blamed for Lily, James, and the thirteen Muggles.

Oh yes, it hurts. But Peter is safe. He's wet and cold and miserable, but he's _safe_, and if he's lucky, he'll be able to live the rest of his days in some sort of wretched peace.

"It's not over," he squeaks to himself. "It's not over."

But the words out loud sound so much more hopeless than they did in his head, and even if he won't admit it to the sewers, in his mind Peter knows: _it's all over_.

-

--

-

_"she's spinning between constellations and dreams  
her rhythm is my beating heart__."  
-josh groban, so she dances_

_-_

_--_

_-_

_summer's end 1978_

_-_

Lily smoothes her simple white dress, tosses her hair behind her shoulders, and takes a deep breath. Ahead of her, the hall doors slide open, the music swells, and she walks towards her savior, her lover, her Prongs. She walks towards James Potter.

Maybe the few sitting in folding chairs watching the ceremony suck in a breath because they're so in awe that even in the middle of wars, blushing brides can marry beautiful grooms that they're madly in love with—and maybe Remus ducks his head behind Peter's shoulder to hide a sudden tear as Sirius and Peter both beam with pride from their respective places at James' right and the front row of seats—but Lily never notices. All she sees is her James, standing on a slightly raised dais and looking at her like he's never really seen her in his life.

They'd asked Albus Dumbledore to officiate, and he does so quite nicely. But the only words that really matter come at the end, when he asks James if he truly wants this woman to be his wife (James does) and Lily if she wants this man to be her husband (oh Merlin, does she).

With a twinkle in his eye, he clasps his hands together and pronounces them married.

_Married_.

Lily bites her lip and turns shyly to James, suddenly unwilling to make the first move towards him. She doesn't know what _married _women are supposed to do, after all. But James has no such inhibitions, and with something between a sigh and a gasp he catches onto her hand and leans down to kiss her, cupping her face to start and finally sweeping her into his arms; spinning her around in a flurry of white skirts and dark dress robes as the organist thumps out the final bars.

"It's all over," Sirius says behind them. Lily can practically see his dark hair rippling as he shakes his head sadly, mourning the marriage of the Marauders.

"Don't be a prat," she replies without missing a beat. James chokes a surprised laugh and pulls her tighter to him. "It's only just beginning."


End file.
